A Guy's Take on Being on a Break

joanne om en kille vill 'ta en paus' så har han inte något att säga om vad du gör. om han inte vill att du ska träffa andra människor eller har problem med vad du gör medan du är 'på paus', är det inte en paus. låter som att han måste bryta upp för gott. 5 maj 2020, 16:10 lo tack joanne! så varför bryter han inte bara med mig ?? så irriterande! speciellt eftersom jag säger till honom att jag hellre skulle bryta upp än att ta en värdelös paus. Jag är ganska säker på att jag har att göra med en narcissist och när han väl har hittat någon annan kommer han att kasta mig utan ånger, varför jag vill skydda mig själv och bryta upp innan han gör det. Jag är inte säker på vad hans mål med denna paus är (förutom att han vill 'arbeta med sig själv' och 'fokusera på familjefrågor') .. Jag har varit riktigt olycklig i 5 månader nu och fortsätter att försöka arbeta med saker men kanske ser han det som otillräckligt och kan inte hantera det faktum att han inte kan ge mig det jag behöver (ange narcissistiska personlighetsdrag genom att de vägrar att tänka på sig själva som ovärdiga). varför jag fortfarande är villig att arbeta med saker går bortom mig. kärlek är blind;) 6 maj 2020, 13:11 joanne den första frågan är något du svarade själv! :) han vill inte bryta med dig för att han inte har hittat någon annan. kanske är det att stryka hans ego för att inte 'brytas upp', eller kanske han inte tål tanken på att vara singel. eller kanske han inte vill starta pausen själv för då kan upplösningen vara 'ditt fel' (i hans sinne). oavsett orsaken är att han 'tethering' dig - bara håller dig kvar tills han hittar något bättre. det är inte rättvist för dig! ja, kärleken är blind och det kan vara svårt att släppa något så bekant och intimt. men som du har sagt har du varit olycklig i flera månader. det kan skada en liten stund, men det verkar som om det är dags att bryta av det här och gå vidare. du kommer att läka, och jag tror att du blir en bättre person för det. lycka till och håll dig stark! 6 maj 2020, 19:29 lo bra artikel !! fråga ... vad händer om en kille vill ta en paus, fortfarande textar varje dag och säger att förhållandet inte är klart och att du inte kan träffa andra människor? Jag vill inte kontakta några veckor med min bf som vill ha en 'paus', men han säger att det inte är något alternativ för honom. skär jag bara ut honom helt? kommer det att irritera honom till den punkt där han lämnar för gott? eller följer jag bara hans ledning. i så fall känns det som att jag bara blir van och han får allt han vill ha och inget vad jag vill ... uh! 5 maj 2020, 15:06 b.nichole Jag älskar faktiskt artikeln..im går just nu igenom detta. min pojkvän ville ta en paus, han försäkrade mig att han skulle komma tillbaka och att han måste fokusera på sig själv. Jag pratar för närvarande inte med honom och blockerade honom på allt utom min telefon eftersom vi delar ett barn. Jag kan inte hjälpa men bli arg och ledsen och förvirra, det är som att mina känslor är överallt. Jag försöker begrava mig själv i skolarbetet men det är verkligen svårt att bara stoppa det du har med någon som du har varit med i nästan 7 år. Jag gråter från ingenstans mycket ofta och jag fortsätter att försöka glömma honom men nu drömmer jag om honom och jag kan inte stå ut med det. men detta hjälpte mig att förstå hans sida av saker men på något sätt känns det fortfarande som avslag. 24 januari 2020, 18:48 allierad jag känner dig! Jag har varit med min pojkvän i 7 år och ut ur det blå säger han att han behöver ett uppehåll. jag känner mig avvisad och förvirrad ... det är väldigt svårt att släppa taget någon som du har varit med i så många år. han sa att han måste ta reda på vad som gör honom och har mycket på gång just nu. detta har varit det svåraste att bearbeta och känna att vi kunde arbeta med denna specifika aspekt av vårt förhållande men han vill inte för tillfället. häng där b.nichole! 16 februari 2020, 17:41 michelle min pojkvän vill ha en paus eftersom det händer många saker med hans liv och jag gick med på det. ska jag framöver sätta upp grundregler som hur lång är pausen och inte gå ut och söka andra? eller tror han att jag bryr mig för mycket? tack 15 januari 2020, 15:58 mochahontas min pojkvän och jag tog bara en paus för inte så länge sedan. Vi har varit tillsammans ungefär 9 månader men vi var vänliga på sociala medier i 4 år innan vi träffade. vi blev kär i varandra. problemet är att han skadades hårt från sin ex-flickvän som var hans första allt (kyss och allt). han lade honom verbalt ner framför sina vänner / på sociala medier och sparkade ut honom flera gånger vilket dödade hans självförtroende. normalt kunde många lämna ett ex tidigare men han fick reda på att hon var 4 månader gravid under början av vårt förhållande (han fuskade inte på mig, det var före vårt förhållande). hon vill ha honom tillbaka och skapade många problem i vårt förhållande. han kände sig så skyldig från allt hon sa till honom och fruktade att om han inte skulle gå tillbaka till henne, skulle han inte kunna se sin son. så han lurade på mig, sov med henne och började gilla det eftersom han älskade att skada henne som hon gjorde honom. Jag fick reda på det sex månader senare. jag blev krossad. han säger att han inte vill vara med henne och han vill vara med mig, att jag visade honom hur kärlek ska kännas. men han ljög mycket, jag vet att han har att göra med mycket och behöver terapi. han sa att han tar en paus för att förbättra sig själv för mig. Jag tror att jag inte ska kontakta honom och leva mitt liv tills han visar mig en stor gest ... jag vill verkligen ha honom tillbaka, vad ska jag göra? tror du att han kommer tillbaka? 22 december 2019, 18:04 wen aw 4 januari 2020, 22:22 jk skruv detta. Jag vill ha en man som är tillräckligt man för att prata om vad som stör honom. kommunicera. om du inte kan prata om det kommer det inte att finnas någon poäng. människa upp eller jogga på. sweet jeeeez 31 maj 2019, 17:37 km jag är med jk på den här. om min man inte har bollar och anständighet att kommunicera med mig vill jag inte ha honom. ta ett par timmar eller en dag och svalna ta på dig dina stora pojkebyxor och ta itu med det! om vårt förhållande är långsiktigt och engagerat och varje kamp eller utmaning han behöver försvinna ett tag? eff det! antingen arbetar vi eller inte. det är så enkelt! om du behöver veckor för att veta om du värdesätter mig tillräckligt för att kämpa för oss ... än du redan gav mig mitt svar och bara sätta igång och starta konferensen och säga att det här inte fungerar! gå vidare ... 29 september 2019, 02:43 dan Jag ska ta en paus för att se om jag är glad utan henne. frågan är att jag skriker på för allt. hon har gradvis blivit mer och mer arg under varje månad som går. jag pratar mycket om det med henne och hon blir känslomässig och ber om ursäkt men det förändrar inte hur hon agerar. Jag kommunicerar mycket tydligt men hon tar det inte på allvar. denna paus är en tid för mig att se om det är värt att fortsätta att driva detta förhållande efter ett års försök. det har ingenting att göra med 'bemanning'. Jag är den enda leverantören av allt och en stridsveteran. jag betalar alla räkningar inklusive inteckning och mat. allt. är det att vara en man eller lite för 1950-man? att bemanna är inte en sak. 'Vara vuxen' är frasen du letar efter. ja, att dumpa någon över en liten kamp fungerar bra i början av 20-talet när det finns gott om alternativ men försök att s *** när du är 30 och dina ägg börjar torka upp lika mycket som ditt ansikte. du vill ta en paus för att se om det också kan åtgärdas. 12 oktober 2019, 16:38 taylor så, min pojkvän och jag har träffat i 6 månader. ungefär 4-5 månader innan vi började träffa hade han lämnat sin kränkande ex-flickvän i tre år (han anklagade henne för övergreppet). de hade ett hus tillsammans så han har haft att göra med advokater för att kunna få tillbaka sina saker. han fick äntligen meddelande att hon gick med på villkoren efter månader av tillbaka och fjärde genom advokaterna och hon fastställde ett datum för honom att få tillbaka sina saker .. efter det här e-postmeddelandet började han bli avlägsen och efter att han hade gått för att hämta sina saker tillbaka var han ännu mer avlägsen .. (vi stannar tillsammans) han ville inte tillbringa tid med mig .. han skulle stanna ute med sina vänner alla timmar på natten och skulle känslomässigt försumma mig (inte hålla i handen, gosa eller till och med se mig i ögonen) det var som om han var en helt annan person .. jag konfronterade honom och han hade erkänt att han hade svårt att vara runt mig eftersom han tänkte på henne och han kände sig skyldig i det. Jag frågade om han ville ha förhållandet och han sa att han gjorde det men han sa också att jag inte borde vara med honom eftersom jag förtjänar bättre. till slut gav jag honom eller henne ett ultimatum och att jag skulle ge honom ett par dagar för att räkna ut det. Det har gått tre dagar nu ska jag kontakta honom? 19 maj 2019, 22:00 mochahontas bör du inte kontakta honom. vänta på att han kontaktar dig, fortsätt leva ditt liv. ha så kul. om han inte kontaktar dig efter en månad, låt det vara 22 december 2019, 17:45 cherokee så jag har känt min pojkvän sedan jag var tre och vi var bästa vänner först. växte upp tillsammans ... i december uppstod den romantiska aspekten och vi erkände våra känslor för varandra ... vi har träffat sedan för 3 dagar sedan säger han att han älskar mig så mycket men behöver en paus för att få sina betyg förbättrade och det en gång han gör det, vi kan börja om ... de senaste dagarna har varit tuffa och jag ser honom varje dag i skolan. han säger att han älskar mig varje dag och idag såg jag honom riva upp efter att han gav mig en kram ... han var tvungen att gå till jobbet .. jag vet inte om jag skulle vänta för jag älskar honom eller ska jag bara flytta den 2 april 2019, 17:50 kim hej så mina pojkvänner tänkte på att vi skulle ta en paus i förhållandet om vi kan prova det och bara vara coola gz ( vänner) men han sa till mig att vi inte skulle bryta upp, han bara osäker på förhållandet? min tanke är att vi har varit tillsammans i 8 månader och han nämnde för mig att när han ser mig tänker hans hjärna bara på sex och det skadar mig mycket. hur som helst för mig verkar det som om han bara ville vara vän med sina kommentarer men hans ordstäv att han inte vill bryta upp? han vill se om hans känslor verkligen finns där? snälla hjälp 27 mars 2019, 20:29 jacob så detta kommer att bli mitt tredje inlägg att kommentera och försöka erbjuda mitt tag antar jag. Jag kommer att säga att jag inte är en expert överlägset, men jag kan ge min 'kill opinion'. egentligen är jag inte säker på var jag ska börja. om säg att jag var med en tjej under samma 8 månader, och jag var inte bara osäker på förhållandet utan sa också till min flickvän att jag bara tänkte på sex när jag såg henne ... det skulle finnas allvarliga problem med mig. den enda anledningen till att jag kanske skulle berätta för henne att jag inte vill bryta upp när jag verkligen kände så, skulle vara för att jag inte ville att hon skulle se andra människor medan jag 'räknade ut saker.' dock i mitt baksida skulle jag redan ha fattat ett beslut om förhållandet, och det skulle förmodligen vara nej. så kanske han tänker högt på dig och helt enkelt inte vill möta det faktum att förhållandet inte är för honom? men i ditt fall har du daterat den här killen i 8 månader.. han säger att du behöver en paus..att hans sinne bara går till sex när han ser dig..men han vill inte räkna förhållandet som en förlust. .så medan han bestämmer sig för att gå och göra sina egna saker, vill han att du fortfarande ska vara där om han så småningom bestämmer sig för att komma tillbaka .. tänk bara hårt på vad du faktiskt vill ha ... vad som är bäst för dig medan han bara tänker på sig själv. .önskar dig det bästa! 27 mars 2019, 23:32 chelsea min pojkvän och jag har träffat tre månader. han skulle säga att jag är sällsynt och den person som han har hittat mest kompatibel med honom. han sa att allt bara kändes naturligt med mig och kände mig väldigt lycklig att vara med mig. Jag åkte på semester med min familj i två veckor och kom tillbaka och insåg att kommunikationen verkligen saktade mellan oss. sedan när vi träffades till middag frågade jag honom om han fortfarande ville åka på den resa som han planerade för oss om två veckor. han sa ja, men han har mycket på gång just nu och kanske inte om två veckor. han verkade nere på hangout efter middagen och när jag gick nästa morgon ville han planera för söndag. när jag försökte planera för söndagen verkade han glad. sedan avbröt han och skickade en text som säger ”jag är ledsen att jag inte kan göra den tiden eftersom jag har en rapport förfaller imorgon. Jag tror att jag måste ta ett steg tillbaka eftersom jag känner att jag är för upptagen för att vara en bra partner för dig. du verkade frustrerad efter din resa och jag vet inte om det kommer att förändras ur mitt perspektiv. jag vet att det är irriterande, men jag vill vara ärlig med var jag är. ” vi pratade i telefon senare och han bad om tid. han känner sig utbränd, troligen från jobbet, och känner att han inte kan investera i detta förhållande. han behöver tid för att se om han kan vara på en plats för att kunna främja detta förhållande. Jag gick med på och sa att allt kommer att bli bra i slutet av dagen. vad som än händer är det bästa. han sa att han uppskattar min inställning och det är därför han tycker om att vara med mig. jag sa att jag inte vet vad jag kan förvänta mig och utan att jag nämner hur mycket tid, sa han två veckor, en månad, inte säker. så jag sa till honom att det är ok, det finns ingen exakt tidslinje för den här typen av saker. vi önskade varandra lycka till. efter samtalet bad jag honom om mina saker tillbaka genom text. Jag bad honom att bara lämna det med sin dörrvakt så får jag det. han sa att han hellre skulle lämna det åt ledningen eftersom han inte litar på sin dörrvaktspersonal. han kommer att räkna ut det i morgon och sms mig. det har gått 3 dagar sedan och jag har inte hört något från honom ... håller han bara på mina saker ?? vad händer?? vad gör jag nu? är det till och med en paus eller ett uppbrott ?? 20 mars 2019, 09:08 jacob har det gått ytterligare sex dagar. Hur går det? Jag ska inte låtsas som att jag kan ge bra råd om relationer eller berätta vad du ska göra, inte att jag skulle göra det ändå, men ni två har träffat tre månader. han har gjort alla dessa uttalanden till dig om hur du är speciell och hur du är så kompatibel med honom. att han ber om en paus betyder inte att han ljög för dig, men du borde antagligen ta honom och be om en 'månadspaus' efter tre månaders dejting för att vara ett tecken på att du borde göra mer än att vänta på att han ska ge du dina saker tillbaka. kanske är han ovillig att ge tillbaka dem för att en del av honom fortfarande tror att saker kan fungera? eller kanske en del av honom inte vill släppa den sällsynta personen du är för honom? oavsett hans resonemang för 3 dagars försening, sa han att han behövde pausen, så du måste ge honom det. ta alla dina saker, ring inte eller sms till honom, kanske till och med hålla dig borta från telefonen i allmänhet några dagar? hänga med vänner? skaffa nya vänner? men du måste bestämma om du verkligen vill vänta på honom och hur mycket tid på det. hur som helst, jag är ingen terapeut eller expert så ... jag önskar dig det bästa. 26 mars 2019, 22:48 jacob jag borde antagligen inkludera att jag personligen inte är ett fan av 'pausen'. jag faktiskt bara 5? för dagar sedan talade med en tjej hur det skulle ha varit nästan tre veckor och hon sa till mig att hon 'behövde tid för att räkna ut saker mellan oss.' Jag menar att inte vara oförskämd ... men från vad? 3? gånger har vi hängt? Jag menar ... så, jag planerar ärligt talat inte att göra mycket 'vänta'. jag önskar dig alltså det bästa. 26 mars 2019, 22:50 kb perfekt artikel. Jag trodde att det var personligt men nu ser jag att det inte är det. pausen behövs och ja jag gick in i krisläge. tackartikel tack tack tack u 17 mars 2019, 12:30 brittany så jag och min pojkvän har varit tillsammans 7 år nu, jag är i slutet av 20-talet och han var i början av 30-talet och vi bor fortfarande inte tillsammans, nu har det varit en enorm fråga för mig eftersom jag vill att vi ska börja framåt och varje gång vi närmar oss att flytta ut, kämpar vi antingen och inte för en några dagar och allt skjuts tillbaka. den förra helgen på lördag lät jag mina osäkerheter få det bästa av mig och vi fick en stor kamp för att jag fortsatte att anklaga honom och jagade honom om sin telefon. vi hade en liten olycka med fusk för 3 år sedan men jag förlät honom så jag vet att jag borde släppa det och sluta ta upp det förflutna, men som sagt sa min osäkerhet det bästa av mig. han pratade knappt med mig i två dagar tills tisdag pratade vi äntligen och han säger att han behöver tid att tänka på detta förhållande och om han ens vill vara med mig längre. tog också upp 'jag tror inte att jag kan flytta med dig nu' han sa det ungefär 3 gånger så jag känner att han använder den här 'tiden att tänka' för att få mig så orolig för att jag tappar honom så jag glömmer att flytta ut och det släpper ut våra utflyttningsplaner. vi har kämpat tidigare så här, där han har sagt samma sak och gjort samma sak eftersom det närmade sig vårt utflyttningsdatum. vid den här tiden älskar jag honom så mycket att jag inte bryr mig om att flytta till vår egen plats men samtidigt irriterar det mig att han sätter mig igenom detta. några råd? 7 mars 2019, 10:05 jacob Jag klickade på den här artikeln eftersom jag var nyfiken på vad jag antar att en kvinnas perspektiv på vad en kille skulle kalla en paus skulle vara. bestämde mig för att titta på kommentarerna och såg alla de 'icke rekommenderade', de senaste kommentarerna. Jag ska försöka ge några råd, men jag är inte expert eller något, bara en tidig 20-årig kille. Jag hade ett förhållande i tre år med samma tjej. jag brydde mig verkligen om och älskade den här tjejen, men så småningom insåg jag att vi båda hade olika aspekter av vad vi ville ha ur livet (plus att jag så småningom märkte att förhållandet var tungt en sida gjorde mig ansträngning och tunga fick mig förlöjligande för nästan allt). ingen av de saker jag nämnde ger en sund relation, oavsett hur jag faktiskt kände henne. Jag trodde att det jag behövde var en paus, lite ensam tid att räkna ut saker, men innan jag sa till henne insåg jag att det inte var en paus jag behövde. snarare var det slutet på förhållandet som skulle ge verklig tillväxt. personligen tycker jag att det borde irritera dig att han sätter dig igenom detta. Jag vet att investera år av tid, ansträngning, allt i en relation i flera år och sedan tänka ”kanske är detta slutet” och försöka lista ut vad jag ska göra åt det är riktigt svårt. att fatta ett beslut om saker är väldigt svårt. kanske han kunde vänta på äktenskap? Jag tror ärligt talat om så vore så att inte bara skulle han redan ha sagt till dig, utan att han redan borde ha sagt till dig. Jag vet att det har gått nästan tre veckor sedan du publicerade det här, men om du råkar läsa det här ... önskar jag dig det bästa. 26 mars 2019, 23:05 moreen hej. Jag har träffat min man i 4 år nu har vi en 1 år 7 månader gammal pojke. Jag har alltid problem med vem är han som smsar, jag blir arg, vi bodde tillsammans i ungefär två månader, jag fortsatte att berätta för honom i år kommer inte att sluta med mig och dina tillsammans jag letade efter misstag och jag kastade ut honom med så mycket ilska. det tog oss en månad att prata igen eftersom vi måste orsaka att vi har ett barn tillsammans, vi måste bara kommunicera, jag släppte upp med honom och jag vill ha honom tillbaka, jag började göra drag och han sa att jag verkligen inte vill prata om ett förhållande just nu fortsatte jag att ställa frågor ”varför frågor” han drog tillbaka vi slutade prata. men vi måste bara prata på grund av vårt barn, han är en riktigt bra pappa och älskar vår son, så en dag vi chillade sa jag till honom att jag saknar honom ... vi slutade ha det mest fantastiska kön och jag sa att vi kunde göra det utan känslor han kom överens om att jag var med alla frågor han tystnade senare ... .. han bad att komma och se barnet jag gick med på att vi fick en chans att vara ensam och jag började med frågan han sa att du överväldigade mig och när jag är med dig Jag kommer inte att fokusera på vad jag vill göra eftersom jag tänker på honom så mycket jag lägger så mycket på honom att han sa till mig att låta honom andas, och om saker och ting är så kommer de att han sa att jag har ett mönster av hur jag arbetar med honom tror jag att jag kan ändra men vad behöver han? ska jag vara påträngande, jag vill bara ha honom tillbaka eftersom vi älskar varandra. han sa till mig att han bara inte kan älska mig men jag pressar honom för mycket han vill inte vara i ett förhållande vad ska jag göra? vi har ett barn tillsammans som gör det så svårt att tysta på honom jag är så stressad. 7 februari 2019, 21:54 jay författaren till denna artikel är en dusch. hur gammal är du 12? ingen borde behöva vänta på dig för att ta reda på vad du vill. växa några bollar, var mogen och prata med dig gal / man. om du behöver en paus får du en permanent paus. 6 januari 2019, 18:55 laura richards min pojkvän och jag har träffat i 7 år. Under de senaste månaderna tog jag examen på college och han har sitt sista år innan jurister vi är mycket seriösa par. de senaste veckorna har vi ständigt diskuterats. och han sa att vi behöver en paus eftersom han tror att jag inte kan vara lycklig av mig själv. han sa att jag måste lära mig att älska mig själv och vara contente av mig själv. jag har aldrig varit så frustrerad. jag litar inte på honom för lycka. han är en bra anledning till det, men jag kan vara glad själv. Jag är nöjd med vem jag är och vem jag har blivit. men han tycker att jag är ständigt ledsen. jag tror inte det är sant! Jag känner att det måste finnas en djupare mening med denna paus. jag är så frustrerad. jag tror inte pauser fungerar. och särskilt av denna anledning. varför stannar han inte och jobbar med mig för att bli mer positiv och nöjd? varför vill han inte stanna och hjälpa mig igenom det? 10 september 2018, 15:00 virginia jag känner på samma sätt som du gör. men jag har insett att män inte vill hjälpa dig genom något emotionellt / mentalt problem du har. de vill att du ska hjälpa dig själv, särskilt om de verkligen känner att du har ett problem. mitt råd till dig, låt det vara. ge honom den paus han vill ha. min pojkvän sa till mig att han vill att vi ska ta en paus från varandra så att vi inte slutar hata oss själva. vi har haft problem nyligen. Jag är djupt sårad men jag är redo för utmaningen. jag sa ok, bra. Jag tror faktiskt att vi behöver en paus. Jag kommer inte att spendera min tid på att försöka övertyga någon att stanna hos mig eller att älska mig, jag har gjort det tidigare och det får dem bara att förlora respekt för dig. du borde inte göra det heller. det ger dem makt över dig och då känner de att de kan behandla dig hur som helst. ta en paus, kanske du behöver det. omfamna den smärtsamma känslan av svek. det kommer inte att hålla för länge. 17 september 2018, 09:11 kelly hej laura, har du kommit tillbaka till dig ännu? 28 oktober 2018, 09:03 derya Jag har varit i ett underbart förhållande i ungefär ett år och nio månader. vi båda var väldigt seriösa sedan starten. vi pratade om framtiden; bo tillsammans, hur huset skulle se ut, barn, semestrar, hur man hanterar saker mm etc. sedan april var vi tvungna att gå på praktik utomlands. det finns mer än 2000 km mellan oss. vår praktik slutar i november och vi är tillbaka för att vara oss igen. men något dåligt hände de senaste paret om dagar. argumenten och negativiteten slutade inte och i heta ögonblicket slog jag av saker ... jag vet att jag inte skulle ha gjort det ändå gjorde jag det fortfarande. Jag sa att jag inte menade det men han säger att det gjorde honom så mycket och jag skadade honom så mycket sedan praktiken att han behöver tid att tänka på framtiden. han vill inte släppa mig eftersom han fortfarande älskar mig säger han. Jag tycker att det är lite egoistiskt att låta mig hänga i en snöre medan han tänker inte bara på hans framtid utan också på min. vi gick med på att bara säga goodmoring när vi lämnar och kommer tillbaka från jobbet och godnatt. inga ilys eller jag saknar dig eller smeknamn. det här är verkligen svårt för mig eftersom vi pratade i telefon och favoriserade varandra. och jag hörde med hans röst att han redan gav upp och inte vill ha en framtid med mig. Jag ropade mitt hjärta och han ändrade mig inte när han gav upp. hes min första kärlek och förhoppningsvis fortfarande min sista. Jag har ingen aning om vad jag ska göra vi var så nära november är det två och en halv månad kvar men här är vi. en del av mig säger att om han verkligen vill vara med dig behöver han inte tid att tänka. den andra delen av mig säger att ge honom sin tid att han skulle göra detsamma för dig och du vill inte förlora honom. Jag har ärligt talat ingen aning om vad jag ska göra. im fastnat i limbo och känslomässigt dränerad ... 20 augusti 2018, 05:48 olivia Jag hade varit med mitt ex i över ett år fram till för ungefär en vecka sedan. allt gick bra (så tänkte jag), sedan slog han av det och sa att han hade blivit så känslomässigt beroende av mig att han tappade ur sikte vem han var. Jag tror att med någon annan person skulle detta betraktas som en 'paus' och inte en 'breakup' men han tror inte på pauser. han sa att han behövde tid och plats för sig själv för att räkna ut sig själv igen och avgöra om vi hade rätt för varandra. detta svider uppenbarligen, men jag tänker fortfarande att saker kommer att hända igen. vi är båda på college, så jag förväntar mig att tända igen när vi kommer tillbaka till skolan i augusti. han sa att han inte vill träffa andra människor och han älskar mig fortfarande och bryr sig om mig, och han är öppen för att börja om när han läker, men han gör inte 'oss' och mål eller lovar. Jag åker till Europa om några dagar för ett utlandsstudie där jag hoppas att distraktionerna hjälper mig att gå vidare åtminstone till en mer självständig stat. han vill avbryta kontakten under min utlandsresa, men efter det måste vi bestämma hur vi båda känner för det hela. Vi har gått igenom perioder med 'ingen kontakt' den senaste veckan, men det slutade alltid med att en av oss sa något till den andra (lika honom och jag). Jag vet vad som är hälsosammast för mig, men det är det svåraste och jag vet att jag älskar honom och inte vill gå vidare från honom. vad ska jag göra? 29 maj 2018, 09:02 kväll man om män använder termerna 'jag behöver tid att tänka' och 'vi måste ta en paus' istället för att formellt bryta upp med en kvinna, det är helt klart något fel. varför skulle någon vara så hjärteslös att stränga någon med sig, veta hur de känner för dig utan att ge dem en solid uppdelning? ska vi verkligen tro att det är normalt att män är så feg och känslolös? hela det här är bortom dumt! män, om du är säker på att du vill ut, berätta för kvinnan. lita på mig, att stränga med henne gör ingenting annat än att förlänga hjärtklappningen. kvinnor, om en man låter dig gå under längre perioder utan att värdera dina känslor tillräckligt för att ge dig en respektabel paus, måste du ta på dig att fatta beslutet för honom. Jag vet att det kommer att göra ont men den här mannen kommer aldrig att respektera dig även om han kommer och kryper tillbaka. män borde skämmas för sig själva. det är därför så många människor är singlar nu 16 april 2018, 1:11 am erin jag är ledsen jag tror inte på pauser om den personen älskar dig så mycket varför behöver de en paus från dig. om de går igenom en svår tid, varför skulle de inte vilja att du var där för att hjälpa dem att komma igenom det? pauser är för barn när du är en vuxen, antingen gör vi det eller inte och om inte, fortsätt sedan. jag slösar inte bort min tid på någon som de säger, ta händerna från någon annans framtid. tänk på det, så säg att ni är tillbaka och att ni har gått igenom ett hjärtspäck när han sa till dig att han behöver tid, tror du inte att du alltid kommer ihåg hur du kände dig och har någon arg på honom. han kommer att gå runt som allt är bra eftersom han inte kände en damm när han bad om det. nej jag handlar inte om det livet förlåt jag kommer inte att vara i ett sådant förhållande och det borde du inte också. 7 april 2018, 13:21 lillian jag och den här killen hade träffat i lite över en månad. när vi träffades var det en omedelbar explosion av kemi och det var som om vi hade träffat i flera månader. 4 veckor och cirka fem datum senare våldtogs jag av en kollega. rädd för hans reaktion sa jag till honom .. han var ledsen och kände sig hjälplös men var annars mycket stödjande och snäll. under nästa vecka ville jag träffa honom två gånger .. båda de som han gick med på och sedan avbröt. Jag berättade för honom hur jag ville hållas och sa att jag är säker även om det är så tidigt i förhållandet att jag inte var arg på honom för att inte ge mig detta. han sa ledsen och att han önskade att han hade varit mer i kontakt med mig under det hela och förstått om jag var upprörd. jag sa att jag inte var det. nästa natt bad jag om att träffa honom och på morgonen kom han tillbaka till mig och sa att han 'inte känner sig bekväm att se mig just nu och att vi borde ta en paus' ... sviker han mig lätt? kommer han tillbaka? tankar ?? 26 mars 2018, 13:39 emma Jag hittade just den här artikeln själv för att min bf krävde en paus. men att läsa din kommentar, hans 'behöver en paus' är bortom självisk efter vad du gick igenom, du förtjänar bättre. jag är så ledsen att det hände med dig, hoppas att du är okej eller kommer att må bättre snart. du förtjänar en kille som kommer att stödja dig under den här tuffa tiden. 9 maj 2018, 16:16 bella min bf sa bara att han ville ha en paus och jag freaking ut tror jag att han vill bryta upp bc ppl har visat min hans sc och det står att han träffar någon vacker den kvällen och det var inte jag så jag vet inte vad jag ska göra. hjälp ??? 21 mars 2018, 17:38 brokenheart mitt förhållande gick mycket bra. det har gått tre år nu och allt var smidigt. vårt är ett långdistansförhållande men förtroendeproblemen och andra sådana frågor som ett långdistansförhållande i allmänhet står inför kom aldrig upp. två dagar tillbaka, ut ur det blå, sa han att han vill vara singel i några månader, inget förhållande och allt, han vill koncentrera sig på sin karriär och få lite stabilitet i sitt liv. tills dess är jag hans goda vän och ryggstöd och det är bara några månader. han kommer inte att kunna prata med mig eftersom han sa att han vill straffa sig själv för att vara så oförskämd. efter detta meddelande han inte ens ing till mitt meddelande. Jag är orolig vad som händer och varför gör han det här. eftersom allt var helt bra två dagar sedan varför alla dessa beslut. jag är rädd och vill inte släppa honom någonstans. vad ska jag göra? snälla råd jag skulle vara riktigt tacksam. 9 december 2017, 06:21 sassyc jag hoppas att du håller dig stark. 23 januari 2018, 02:20 josie min pojkvän bad om en paus för en vecka sedan, helt förvånad, jag gick bara med på det. he told me he still loves me and just needs to figure his life out at the moment as things just aren’t going in any good way. he kept repeating this isn’t a break up, i just need some space for myself, and we can talk in a weeks time. he also said we can keep in contact. i have never been on a break before, and i really just don’t know what i should or shouldn’t be doing. i messaged him on tuesday just checking in, and he seemed so cold and distant and told me that i should take this time to reflect on what i want as well. he told me he still loves me, but he didn’t seem like he could commit to saying that everything could be okay. we’ve been together for 7 months. we met in africa, and both moved to the same country in europe relatively around the same time. we’ve both been struggling to find work, and he has started uni and is finding it hard and possibly not what he wanted to do. i understand he is lost, but i didn’t really think that would incredibly affect our relationship. he used to be so caring and we would call and messaged everyday until a week prior to him calling things off. i know its a break, and everyone says, time apart makes the heart grow fonder. but will he come back? how long do i wait? its been a week and he hasn’t even tried to contact me. any advice will be appreciated! :) november 16, 2017, 10:15 am sandra hy, i and my boyfriend has being dating for 3 months now until he travelled recently. when he was around we had a really great time together,he ask of my opinion about some stuffs,tells me how much he loves me and so on. i’m in africa and right now he’s in america and he has been gone for just 3 weeks,ever since he left he never called,he chats with me differently.there was a time i called and he started talking about his ex’s and how great she was and how he wished they were still together,he also complained saying i’m i mmatured. he asked us to take a break 2 days ago and i asked why,his respond is “he’s feeling stressed” and i responded all of you are the same and that he should take care of himself. right now i’m confused about everything, i don’t know if he wants a break up and he’s scared to say it? i’m just confused about he’s intentions july 9, 2017, 7:44 am dj i am going through a “break” right now. it has been 8 weeks already (who is counting?) and i have not heard a word from him. i was unfairly left out in the cold. that’s alright. i don’t think i deserve that, but if that is how he wants to play, just shows how immature he always was and it is giving me the time to realized that he was not all that. i’m just sorry that i invested 8 years of my life on that relationship. i am not going to lie, i am heartbroken and i still have moments of great desperation. but the more time passes, the more i feel that i don’t want him back. i am leaving behind the sadness and the feeling of lost, and i am objectively thinking that he was the wrong person all along and that he only was what i wanted him to be in my mind and heart, but he never was closed to it. and the sad part is that i knew it and that he also told me the truth many times. so my advise to anyone having a more difficult time with a break, or break-up is that at the end it is about you, and you have a responsibility to yourself and you have to accept what happened or what did not happen. let them be their own self-center selves and move on. and the next time, be less determined to make a relationship work. a good relationship is effortless. if you are making excuses to yourself about a person, that person is not for you. if you feel let down by a person, that person is not for you. if that person do no let you be yourself, that person it not for you. does this hurt? fuck yeah it does. we are good people and we want to think that everyone is good, too. and they are, just not good for you. july 2, 2017, 12:33 am gl i like what you had to say except for the “effortless” part. i think in every relationship, even friendships, you reach a point where there is resentment or conflict. relationships go through struggles. i’m on a “break” of some kind, we were never official or anything, only hung out. but he wanted to take a huge step back. i don’t blame him right now for wanting that. i’m going to give him one month after the last time i messaged him, then move on. all of this heavy conversation was over messaging. it was horrible. it took me a week to realize, with the help of an interpretive friend, that he just wanted me to chill out and he would call at a later date. … …. it will take some effort for me to work with his avoidant, cryptic, communication style. i’m going to trust him for now, but 1 month is a long time and i think my hope will just naturally fade away if he doesn’t call. august 25, 2017, 12:28 am maria my husband left me , he claims he doesn’t love me anymore … how love can disappear from one day to another . he wants divorce and i not i’m i need so much pain. please help june 25, 2017, 6:07 pm rose i am so sorry to hear that. i can imagine how painful it must be. please remember as time goes on, you will slowly heal. i know this has been said many times but it is true. if he doesn’t love you, it doesnt mean there isnt any one else. there are billions of people in the world, you will find someone. i am not saying this to comfort you. just think about it. all is not lost! please look after yourself. praying helps a lot as wel during these times. i will keep you in my prayers. maria keep your chin up and make the best of every day. :) ♡ august 10, 2017, 2:00 am sasa hello i need help!!!! my boyfriend and i met in sgp. he is from europe and i am asain. we met on his holidays to asia and we hit it off. he kept maintain communication between us and he used to be so attentive and sweet. and i decided to visit him for 3 months but i recently got new job offer and i gotta change my plan from 3 months to 3 weeks. he was literally disappointed on it. but i told him that we will see whether we want to be together for long term on this 3 weeks trip. i visited him in april for 3 weeks and had great time and so intimate. and he said it was great to have me with him.he still made time to call me and text me even though that is not much like before he used to do. i did not complaint about it coz i am busy with my new job too. i know he has so stressful work life and he could not sleep sometimes because of work. after 2 weeks of my return from visiting him, he changed out of the blue by saying he is so stressed with work and he just wants alone times. i gave him so called the thing- space and did not text frequently but checking him on every three or four days. he apologized me how he is behaving to me. he did not follow through when he said he would call. and he even did not send me the text that he could not call. so, i wrote him an email and stated how i feel about him and i will remember our sweet memories ..and how i feel shattered when he treat me this way. and said that i respect whatever he decides but asked him to make it clear to me after he got back himself.he stills replied my texts. that day he saw email, he called me but i missed his call and couldn’t make return call right away coz he was on business trip .every time his excuses are busy with work. he used to try to find time to keep in touch with me before we entered into this thing called relationship.(he claimed himself as my boyfriend). he still calls me princess in text. he promised me to call the day before his birthday. but i got his text” princess, i know i wanted to call u. but……excuses are his work. i did not his texts straight away and the next day on his birthday, i texted and wished him happy birthday. every time i texted him, i kept it short. he replied, thanks princess. then i called him right away to wish his birthday wish, he answered my second attempted call and even called me princess, sounded like nothing happened but the call was so short coz he was preparing to go to lake with friends. and i saw him at supermarket. i felt so hurt then he texted me right after my call that “i’m so sorry to behave like this at the moment”. what does it mean?? i replied him “talk to me when u feel u can.” next day, i tried text him “ had a fun birthday? wish i were with you” and no till next day. i feel completely shattered and i decided to text him some confrontations. coz he once told me that i am too nice and sometimes i need to mad at him. so i sent this text “ ……., literally making me letting go my emotions off? i am not made of stone and i really feel hurt when you are treating me this way” no over two days yet. i want some closure. i feel so disrespected . now i dont trust in love anymore. i love him so much. i sent him some presents for his birthday but i dont know i should ask him he has received them or not. i feel like i dont wanna live anymore. :((( june 6, 2017, 4:21 am linnilinoy i would just move on to someone who can handle commitment and is able to address issues in an adult manner. who has time for that push/pull bullshit. of course u can have some time alone to think things through…. everyone needs that sometimes. but the ‘wait for me and i’ll let u know if i still want u’ ploy lacks respect. if it has become so hard to.spend time together i think ur answer is already there. been on a break in my previous relationship. when he realized, after a month, he wanted to give it another chance i had met someone else. and suddenly i was to blame. he needed a reality check, that one. may 8, 2017, 7:33 am heather this response was of the greatest help to me. thank you! my man and i were together for over a year. did vows together with no minister and he even asked my kids to marry me. now he asks for a month break to focus on work so he can get the money to file for divorce fr om his ex. yes you can say i’m an idiot september 10, 2017, 6:03 am dani i honestly need help. my boyfriend and i have only gone through two fights. this second fight was over a friend of mine that stopped by unannounced. i let my boyfriend know right away that he showed up. he got pissed but i’ve never cheated on him nothing bad went down. he compared it to his past relationship and i feel it’s unfair. his friends told him to break up with me because the situation sounds sketchy. so he moved out and moved in with his friend then asked for a break. i’m not sure if this is a phase and he’ll come back or if it’s exactly what he needs. there seems to be more going on that just this to make him dip out but he won’t talk about anything. i text him and he’s so cold with me. i’m afraid i’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing i can do or say to fix the minor problem. i’m giving him space but i’m afraid this is the end. april 29, 2017, 9:13 am akc hello, i just want some advice, hey, my boyfriend and i have been together for almost three years in may and yes recently i would have to agree that we have been a bit rocky but that doesn’t change the love for him and vice versa. however, a couple instances have happened like he is friendly with this girl at uni (which i don’t have a problem with), but she messaged him to explain that she cheated on her boyfriend, i took offence to that and was confused as to why the girl would message him out of all the other people she could have spoken to. i have realised that i have become a little bit jealous, needy and possessive but have just realised that now that he wants a break. a few days because he broke the news to me, i got upset because he didn’t think to get a photo with me whilst he got one with his sister… i overreacted because i guess i wanted him to show that he loved me, but i’m sure he didn’t mean it. anyway, he began acting weird because of an unrelated issue to us but he reassured that i hadn’t done anything. i went to his house on the monday (spoke to his mum to see if it was okay) because he had prac all day and i didn’t want to disturb him. it got to about lunch time that day and i just message saying, i hope you are having a good day etc and he said that he is actually on his way home etc and then i explained that i was at his house and he said he was fine about that (i just went there to do my homework before working (near his area) instead of going home. but he said he is actually going to play golf and i was fine about that. i saw him for about 10 mins and he was acting distant and was rushing to play golf. i hadn’t heard from him for the rest of the day and he messaged say “hey i think i’ve forgotten to tell you but i made plans like 2 weeks ago to go out this friday, sorry! i just remembered” but he then i was upset by that and then asked how my night was. then he said that again, i’m upset that i’m going out with my friends. the problem is we don’t see each other much and friday night is usually our date night. this then turned into a little fight and then leading him to tell me we need to talk. last wednesday, he came to my house and we went for a drive. he said that he really cared for and love me, but needed a break. i asked him what he meant and that i think we should work through our problems. but he was not listening and just wanted the break (but i kept saying it won’t fix anything). he said that we are two different people and want didn’t things, i said to give me one more chance but he said he has given me heaps of chances. i tried to tell him that i respect that but we have been through so much together. i said i need a time frame and he said he was unsure about whether he wanted to be with me in the future (but he said he was scared about the future). he said he needs a min of three weeks. i don’t know if he was just in the moment and said these things, but on the friday before i said i don’t what to lose him and he said that i won’t. i said that i loved him and he returned with i love you too. i don’t know whether i should contact him and explain that i have realised where he was coming from and reflected on that and ask to catch up, or just wait for who knows how long until he is ready ( but run the risk that he won’t want to be with me at the end). i also said let’s raise the issues and work with them, but he didn’t want to work on them (again not sure if he had just made his mind up and was sticking to it). i told him that regardless of who you are with you will always have arguments and it’s normal, but it’s how we overcome them and then he said that i’m not breaking up with you. should i contact him and tell him i see where he is coming from (week from the event) or is that coming off clingy? but it’s not fair that he has the ball in his court he also blocked me on snapchat and facebook, so i had enough and called me (because he told me to keep him informed about grandfather who is dying). so called him and asked him why he had done that and he said he didnt want to know what i was doing. i explained that i had been really reflecting on myself and understand where he is coming from, but he said that its only been 4 days and that we agreed on two weeks break (which i was disagreed to, because i wanted to work it out). i told him that i really wanted to work things out together and he was still saying that we have tried. but i said i would really like to meet up for coffee and discuss and he agreed. he said he was busy all week but to contact him and tell him when i am free. if he is still saying (as of yesterday) that we have tried to work things out. do you still think i have a chance? april 2, 2017, 11:48 pm hannah this was a helpful article but it’s left me more confused than ever. i dated my last boyfriend for 7 months, almost all of which was long distance, but right from the start he was so committed. he invited me to his brother’s wedding, had me in the wedding photo even.. had me move out to live with him for two months while i was on leave from work…brought me on vacation with his family over christmas…. all signs pointing to “go”. i had a ton of work related stress as well as personal stress recently and was often quite depressed, but he stood by me and supported me through so much of it. then in january i became a bit more demanding after noticing him pull back, and one night we got into a big fight. he said he’d been having doubts and concerns, and when i said well do you still want to be with me he said “i don’t know”. two days later he sent me a long, very heartfelt email, saying that he loved me for who i am, that supporting me gave him so much personal feedback, but that he was also lost at the moment (his career is also not working out) and that he didn’t know what he wanted. he said the ldr had been consuming all of his time, so he’d let his health and hobbies fall by the wayside, hadn’t made an effort to make new friends in his new city, and wasn’t happy. he didn’t know if i was the girl he wanted to be with forever, but he also didn’t know that i wasn’t – he said he wasn’t just being a pussy, if he knew for sure he would tell me, and in general that’s how he is in relationships so i believe him. he asked for some space to try and figure himself out so that he could then look at our situation with a clean head. he said he didn’t want to stop talking altogether, and that if i really needed him i should let him know and he’d be there for me, because most of all he hated hurting me. we talked later and he said he wanted to be on a break; i asked if he wanted to see other people and he was vague. i tried doing his thing… and he did continue to support me for several weeks, still face timing (and i would see he still had my pictures up in his room), but i would get anxious each time he pulled back, asking if that meant the space was over and now we were broken up. two weekends ago we saw each other and it was just like old times (which he said was emotionally difficult for him); we held hands and he hugged me… he refused to kiss me goodbye because he said it would mess with his head too much, but he kissed my cheek. the next day was my birthday; we face timed for an hour and he got me an expensive gift and joked around just like we used to…. the day after that he all but disappeared. he reappeared on bumble the next day, and friends have said they’ve seen him out on a number of dates. over the last 10 days he hasn’t been asking me how i’m doing and gives me short, happy but distant answers to any email i send him, which he delays responding to. i suppose the glaringly obvious message is that he’s completely over me but too much of a pussy to put me out of my misery and say so, or maybe doesn’t have the guts to do it when he knows i have so much other stress going on. either way, it’s incredibly selfish. i want closure; he owes it to me to establish that we are officially broken up for good, but i don’t know how to ask for this – i’m worried if i do he’ll just ghost completely. i have a number of things at his house and he has so many vulnerable photos and videos of me… i can’t just leave it like this and never speak to him again. he literally has a stack of my clothes and personal belongings that i need back and we have some finances to settle up too from the last vacation we took together. is he really just going to disappear off the face of the earth?! or in his mind does he still see this as “taking space”, and intends on clarifying with me at some point in the future. march 5, 2017, 10:56 am vc what happened after that?? i’m going through the first half of what you mentioned. october 21, 2019, 5:58 pm amber i’m going through this right now. a few months together and we have been constantly talking about moving in together, getting married and having kids. in fact i was all set to hand in my notice on my flat and make the move to be with him (we are long distance). after an argument the other night he was cold and finally said he needed ‘space’ and to be alone to work through his problems and focus on them. and that he did not need or want a relationship right now. a couple of days later, i have tried to clarify if he means he just needs a break or if this is permanent and all i get is ‘please give me the space i need.’ i’m losing my mind. march 3, 2017, 4:13 pm ashley hi my status is complicated right now , i met a boy back in april of 2016 i knew this guy for a few months he was always feeling me etc we met through my cousin & he’s in the army stationed in el paso texas & im here in california (long distance relationship) … back in july we stopped talking because of an issue with his ex girlfriend, but recently he came back in january , back in july when we stopped talking he was suppose to come down to meet me ( we had never seen each other before ) but never got the chance to because of the issue with his ex… when he came here to california in january we finally met & hanged out at my house for those two days before he had to go back to el paso for work.. we started things again to how they were before he didn’t say those words every girl wants to hear ” will you be my girlfriend ” but we did call each other sweet names and call each other facetime do things you do in a relationship.. recent ly he got promoted to a higher position in his work and has been crazy busy i started feeling and overthinking that he was becoming distant , but kept the positive vibes & tell myself that he’s busy with his army stuff.. until last week i was always the one who would text him “babe” or “hey” he will , but then out of the no where he will stop ing & then monday ( day before valentines ) i texted him for the last time “babe!” never got a response it was then & there that i knew something was up & it was bound to happen, the next day (valentines day) i got no text in the morning or anything i wasn’t going to text him because i wanted to see if he would text me. and he did , when he texted me it was just a simple “hey” i replied “hi” & then i got the “i need to talk to you” it was then and there that i already knew what he was going to say i wanted to say it myself but i just let him because i wanted to know what he would say.. he then texts me this “look i’m sorry for this but right now isn’t the right thing for us too do this rn it’s not you at all you’re perfect except i’m just always busy and don’t have time and i’m not trying to get you or anything i’m just trying to move my life forward and rn i need too focus on myself before anything i’m being a man about it and telling you straight up because i want no problems with no one i’m just deploying soon and a lot is happening rn that ls why i can’t do this” i cried and cried because i gave this guy a second chance & we talked about it in person that we were gonna make it work i was mostly upset so my response was ” i just want to know how long you were planning on telling me this, & this is why i was being so cautious of giving you second chance, it’s hard for me too give ppl second chances, & when i do it’s because i see potential in them & i want them in my life and i’ll do anything to keep them in my life, & i also believe that their actions are gonna change & what they tell me their gonna make happen like what you told me. if this is how you really felt when we saw each other why didn’t you just let me know instead of hurting me again, and telling me until today. this is something that i don’t want because i have already developed feelings for you, but if this what you really want then there’s nothing i can do about it, but just let you go and do your thing just know i’m not gonna be back anymore & im not giving you anymore chances & if you want to talk more about this then i’m just a call away” i haven’t gotten a response from him or anything since tuesday he’s been on field duty this whole week & until today he went back home… i haven’t texted him or bugged him about the situation cause i’m giving him his space , but just want to know what i should really do from here at this point we both really really like each other & i want to let him know that i’m still going to be here as a friend & supporter. will he text me back or also give me my space just because of what i texted him . should i wait and say what i really wanna say until he reaches out to me again or just text him & let him know & let him do his thing? please let me know i’ve been on stress mode this whole week february 18, 2017, 10:45 pm vic my bf and i have been on and off for 2 years. last autumn we decided to make it serious. over the last couple of weeks he has become distant. this has happened in the past, when we were just friends with benefits.usually cos his ex gf has got back in touch (she did a total number on him) and he has ended up back with her.. but eventually comes back to me. last year i agreed to give him one more chance… it got serious. so last weekend i was worried, i was drunk and i checked his phone… i have never done this b4 in my life and i am. mortified i did…. however i found he had text this ex telling her he missed her. i went mad… we argueed we made up. the next day he was absolutely fine…. then nothing. 48 hours ignoring me until i begged him to talk to me. then another 3 days of nothing until he finally said hecwas upset i went through his phone and didn’t know what he wanted but thought we needed time apart. i asked him to talk to me, he said he didnt want to; that he needed space, then we can talk. i sent him a very honest and heartfelt message and that is that. now i know i should never have read his mesages, but nor should i have found the messages. i dont know what to think! help february 9, 2017, 12:50 pm cortney this article was very much needed and it makes sense. he initiated the break and i whole heartedly do not believe in them. so during this. time it has been bugging me amd i feel he used it to go off and be a t.h.o.t with other women. even though i still believe that, after reading the article i realize i need to leave him alone. i want to be with him and. i was trying to wait but for what? if he comes back good but for his sake he better do it before i get him completely out of my system. great read and thanks for the tip february 3, 2017, 3:00 pm a my boyfriend and i are 24 years old. we’ve been together for almost a year now, but last night we decided to give him some time to think. my situation might be a little more specific, but i had an abortion in early november. and my boyfriend is pro-life. initially, i hid the pregnancy in its totality from him–and tried to hide the abortion. he found out through find my friends that i was at a planned parenthood clinic instead of work. i honestly didn’t think he was following me on the app. he confronted me later that afternoon on our drive down to watch my sister’s last high school performance at her football game. he couldn’t even look at me. that same weekend, he met my family and i met his for the first time; needless to say, it was a roller coaster weekend for us. a few days later, we talked about it. i watched him sob for what felt like eternity, saying how he feels betrayed and resents me for what i’ve done. i calmly explained that where we are in our relationship, our individual finances, and my own personal fears drove me to that decision. he said he forgave me. november was my birthday, and december was his. so we celebrated like nothing happened and even took a nice vacation up to tahoe for new years with our friends. but once the festivities were over and nothing was distracting us, his nightmares started. last night we finally talked about it again. he fears that his resentment towards me will one day cause him to explode and hurt me. he fears that he will stay with me just to cover up the guilt that he feels. we both wonder how different our relationship would be had it never happened at all. my heart is broken. and so is his. we talked about what our baby would’ve been like; stubborn like her mom, or dorky like her dad. we reminisced about some of our favorite memories together. and he reiterated time and time again: i love you. i just need some time, the story isn’t over. and as much as he thinks hope is what i need, it’s also what’s crushing me. i can’t breathe. i don’t want to eat. i just want to sleep until i don’t feel this pain anymore. i know he needs to work things out on his own, and he processes things differently from me. but how do you go from seeing someone every day, speaking every hour, cooking meals together, showering together, laying there laughing together, and binge watching our favorite shows…to nothing. how do you get up and face an empty half of a bed where he used to be, snoring with his mouth gaping open. i love him with everything i am. he asked me to be strong for us, and to trust that this will make him better. my hands haven’t stopped shaking all morning, but hopefully, in the end, everything will be okay. january 24, 2017, 4:37 pm rose my bf gave me two options yesterday….either break up forever now, or we need a step back for at least 6 weeks till he is done with his exams and we will decide later what will happen, asked me if we could stay in contact and i said no…. we were having a great relationship lately, dated for 14 months and had some arguments before but the last month it had become really nice, but i screwed it by hurting him with some mean words during a silly fight that started over a joke! he is so hurt but i asked for an apology……his birthday is next week, should i wish him and his twin sister who is my friend, a happy birthday? i am feeling lost and confused. cause i didnt think a silly joke would end everything we had….i truly love him and hope he feels the same january 19, 2017, 12:04 pm jess my boyfriend said no i never said i didn’t love you i just need a break january 10, 2017, 2:13 pm jess what do it mean we are long distance relationship to we been talking non stop maybe that was to much ? january 10, 2017, 2:15 pm g my boyfriend and i of 9 months have just decided to take a break . this was all his decision because lately he’s been different towards me and i’ve told him several times . he’s told me that due to his work troubles and family issues , his stress is having an affect on his behavior and attitude leading to affecting the way he is with me . the way he’s been acting with me has made me become cold and careless just as he is too . so he told me a break would help our relationship in order for his troubles and attitude to not drag me down as well . he says to look at it in a positive manner not negatively because that will just drain me . he told me he’s not gonna change how he is , that he is still my boyfriend , and that he’ll txt me here and there if it makes me feel better . he says it’s not gonna be months of a break just a couple weeks , and then he’ll txt me . he believes the break will change his way of being and will better our relationship . i’m in an emotional roller coaster right now because the way which we left off was ok like he told me he loves me that it’ll be ok and that he’ll come to me first if anything . we left off good , but i feel like tots crap right now after talking to my friend about it and her telling me all that which i know but can’t seem to want to accept or face . like why if someone is going through stressful things is that a reason to push the person you love away ? why should a “break” be necessary ? i don’t know what to do at all she told me to tell him either he wants to be with me and get through his things together with no break or we just won’t be together anymore . i’m so stuck in between my heart and mind , i can’t stop crying and feeling confused . please if anyone has more advice i’d appreciate it . december 21, 2016, 2:29 am m i am going thru the same exact problem. can’t wrap my head around it. january 5, 2017, 10:03 pm amber me too. makes zero sense to me to pull away just because you are going through stressful times. all i can think of is that men process things differenly from us and need to ‘fix’ problems on their own and get their lives in order before they feel ready to give to a relationship :( march 3, 2017, 4:11 pm autumn i am going through the same thing :( he was going through life challenges recently and was really stressed and said he needed time to deal with stress. i never understood why pull away when stressed when you should rely on your partner he told me he’ll contact me when he feels better it’s so hard …. i completely understand april 1, 2017, 12:30 am erika same thing for me! did he come back? may 31, 2017, 3:18 pm dogs2744 my boyfriend asked for space this morning. we’re both 21 and have been dating 1.5 years. he’s currently studying abroad for a semester for his undergrad (jusy for 4 months) and right as he’s about to come home in 2.5 weeks, we got in a huge fight as tension has been hard the last fe w weeks as the distance is something we’ve never done before. he said he still loves me but the fight reminded him of other problems in our relationship. i have hurt him as i have a lot of guy friends; my boyfriend is very insecure and thinks that i will cheat on him and that they are always trying to make a move on me… our fights have been pretty unhealthy in the past as we sometimes yell and scream and when we’re drunk fights last a lot longer but we’ve always fixed our bumps in the road. anyway, he says i’m too flirty and wants space for “a few days” to think about our relationship and also himself, and if it’s worth it. i guess i’m just confused on how long i should wait, if i should even wait, and anyone’s comments on this? or any advice on how to not text him and i’m hurting so badly right now as we usually talk all the time via texting/phone, i just want us to be ok. thank you so much december 20, 2016, 6:58 am sandi i want to thank you for whoever wrote this. this is dead on correct. answered all my questions. i turned to my guy friends and had so many question, but they couldn’t answer them like this articular did. he asked for a break last week and i’ve been so upset ever since. we had just gone out the night before and everything was so nice. and then “i need time to myself”- nothing like feeling like you just had a car crash. getting over the holidays will be hard. thanks again. december 19, 2016, 11:40 am kelly hope i have a chance november 24, 2016, 5:29 am kelly my bf broke up with me..he says he’s not sure if he made rt or wrong choice..he say absence makes heart stronger…my mom causes the problems by not letting me see my guy and making my son like a baby when he’s 13..so since the break i found another place.lost 18 pounds…changed my son’s ways and he’s listening and being more independent…now i’m using no contact and in hopes he comes back..what do u think november 24, 2016, 5:33 am leann williams i loved this article would love to hear more november 5, 2016, 4:14 pm hopeless romantic hey, i’m young (teen) and so is my bf. were both in our late teens. ive met him a year ago and we first started out as friends and things escalated from there, until at one point we both realized we love each other. he was my first love and i was his. we taught each other the best things in life and gave effort into the relationship. i treated him so badly during the middle and end (?) of our relationship. i made him do useless, nonsense things so that i felt better about myself and call it equal between the both of us. what i mean is, i wanted revenge when he treats me bad…although he never means to treat me bad, i guess im just so sensitive at times. i always threaten to break up with him if he does something bad to me, no matter how shallow it was. he never really means me harm,i’m just really sensitive. i am also the controlling needy type. if i want something, i want it right away. there was even one time i accidentally slapped him cuz he was talking so much against my favor. by this time, he lost interest in seeing me and said the “spark” just wasnt there anymore. i cried for days and one day he came and saw how much i meant to him, and he took me back. anyways, a few days ago, we got into a huge fight. he wanted to come to a christmas party and so he asked me if i wanted to come, i said no. he then asked me if he can go to the party, to which i said no also and accused him of choosing the party over me. i didnt talk to him two days after that fight. he kept telling me, “why wont you give it time?” and i remained the same: never taking his words into consideration. i blocked him on social media and said “were over” yet i never really meant those. i only want him to plead for my forgiveness and make me stay. but he never did. then after two days he agreed to meet me at the park after i asked him to bring me back my album (i used this as an excuse to see him). we came at the table and i apologized to him and asked why hes not talking. he told me he wanted to take a break. i was confused for a few days and cried too. he says he wants to recover, that hes so destroyed inside after our continuing fights and my carelessness. he said he forgives me for all my wrongdoings and looks at me the same. he says he wants time to find the old person he was, which was sweet and caring and always excited to see me (he walks miles from his home to walk me back to my house from school, all after he’s done with his college classes) now he says he lost the energy to see me, to put in so much effort when he just gets hurt; he lost the desire to be with me and hang out with me. these days, he said i dont appeal to him anymore. he wants to stay as friends for now until he has recovered. once he’s recovered he might come back into the relationship. however, he’s still uncertain whether he wants our relationship back or not, but one thing for sure is that he wants us to not be strangers. he wanted to keep in touch with me thru texts; i thought it was a good idea since we text a lot. but its just giving me despair. i told him, it feels pathetic to talk to someone who doesnt love me back. he agreed to not talk until 3 weeks is up, and by then he said hed give me an update. we also do not gang out as often anymore. tomorrow will be the last day i see him because i told him its so awkward being with someone who doesnt feel like seeing me. we agreed to ask each other how were doing once in a while thru texts, and hang out also once in a while. lastly, he says he wont look for another relationship. he only wants to focus on himself. he says if he has another gf in the future, he wants it to be me. i’m so scared i will lose him. he’s been the one i envisioned my life with. we planned to travel together, to move in together, to create a family. i’m just scared that he wont come back, be so accustomed to the single life, and now want me back. november 14, 2016, 10:34 pm hopeless romantic hang** not*** november 14, 2016, 10:42 pm kelly sounds like the same thing with me except he never gave me time when he wants me back..i hate being in pain…and i hate that he has all the control sounds like that is like with u hugs november 24, 2016, 5:36 am kelly my bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago…i am so sad and my heart is broken….he told me time will tell, absence makes heart stronger, he’s not sure if he made rt or wrong decision? we had problems when i moved in with mom..i’ve now moved out in an apartment..changing my son’s ways that were irritating him and me as my mom wouldn’t let me be mom….i’ve ever lost 18 pounds feel better bout myself..working lots even overtime to keep myself busy…i’ve ever begged him texted all my feelings and now using no contact…hope he missed me and comes back….what do u guys think? do i have a chance november 24, 2016, 5:28 am kris my boyfriend is asking for a break but says he still loves me..we are on a long distance relationahip..its our 11 month already of being ina relationship…we havent actually met considering the distance between us.i live in the philippines and he lives in the us…i dont know whats a break coz ive never had a break nor understand it entirely…im so confused…he still want constant touch with each other and put our relationship on hold till i get to the us..what does he mean by it?..i met him online…how should i take this situation?…. november 1, 2016, 5:55 pm carrie that means he wants a real relationship but not chatting on line all the time. the only chance for this relationship is you flying to the us. it sounds like he doesn t plan to fly to asia for you. you could ask him directly. november 28, 2016, 10:04 am angelica i’ve been talking to this guy over the phone and i feel like this article did a good job explaining the situation. it’s my first time dating and i have not even met this guy other than texting. yes , i met him on tinder. i am already having feelings for him , but i do not want to fall into something i am unsure about. i always felt like i was in a limbo. our relationship didnt have a label i guess. so i told him what i was looking for and asked if he wanted the same. to have a sharing relationship , to meet up halfway and go on a date. we are not as far , we are like an hour distance from each other. at first he tried to avoid it, but this time i didnt let him get away with it. i feel like he does care because he always gets back to me and he compliments me. he said that he is a really busy guy and if i am ready for a relationship, i should know that he isnt always going to be there to talk to me. i told him i get busy too but make time for him. then he suggested to have a week of break to have space and reflect on it. like the article said, i feel a bit of detachment as if i was burdening him . he goes to classes, plays football, works at the gym, gets out at 11, and does his homework i guess. so i understand that he is busy and has a lot going on in life right now as ge says. and maybe guys cant multitask like women, but i am always so questionable . am i doing the right thing being loyal to someone i met online? is it good that i have put in the effort to speak to him? is he afraid of committing into a relationship because he is busy? why doesnt he want to talk on the phone? should i be patient? anyways, i told him that i’ll let the break thing happen , but he’s going to have to be the one who texts me back first and he told him to only text him when i really need him. and he left with a”goodnight beautiful ” and i ended saying goodnight too. i am so confused. my friends have told me to be careful, so im on guard too. they are afraid he might play with my feelings because he is long distant or might have other girls. or that he is just talking to me because he wants something. also, he helped me get through several heartbreaks i had all in one day. like getting over my best friend that i had for 10 years because i hated her boyfriend. the guy always calling it on or off and cheating on her. and then my other friends back home sided with her. we are good now, but i am still heartbroken and i wish not to speak for them for leaving me in the cold, but at the time i was recently talking to this guy online and he made the transition easier when i felt isolated, but my friends at college are worried that it might of been the wrong thing to talk to a guy during that event. i am confused , but my gut feelong wants to give it a shot and i want to try grow out of my past baggage and i feel if we can support each other and trust each other, we can go a long way. so i am going to trust and wait for him to get back first and in the meantime clear and fix my own sh** up. probably work out more, get more pay, and study harder. i should see this as a time bith of us can get on our a game and have support. hopefully we can both meet up and if not. if he ends up being an ahole, i might have to deal with a lonely world again, but at least i know that i can count on myself . we can both learn from each other and i am excited for that…though it may not be his first time dating, he might learn something about himself. idk, i guess you cant decide or understand until we go through it ourselves. october 31, 2016, 5:32 pm lucas i don’t believe in breaks if you want to go on a break or have a break in the relationship i will just break up with you i don’t have time for games or to be strung along. we are getting too old for games, you either want the relationship if you don’t also most times whenever there’s a break people will not only use it as time to focus on their happiness or their lives but they will ultimately end up straying away from their actual relationship and getting into a different relationship with someone else because some not all people see a break as them being single therefore they can do whatever they want since technically they are no longer in a relationship. my “girlfriend” asked for a break which is funny considering we’re in a long distance relationship and because we are both so busy with our lives we rarely talk so i broke up with her because for one i never could get a straight answer from her when it came to where our relationship was going or if it was even going anywhere or where i stood with her, it’s like she wanted us to remain friends but she still wanted us to do things that people in relationships do and i am no one’s fwb secondly she always chose her friends over me and i got sick of it i wasn’t asing her to drop everything for me or stop her life for me i just wanted her to put in effort the same way i do but that was like asking for it to rain or snow in southern california, as for this article it is somewhat bias as not all men string women along most women string men along because as long as you are focusing all of your attention on them they are satisfied or fine since you are not looking towards anyone else they know t hat they can do or say or treat you poorly and because you love them and want to be with them you will always come back to them, it’s best to delete their numbers, unfollow and block them on all social media if you want to get over them because that’s the only way you’re gonna recover and get over them and the relationship don’t engage in conversations with them they are simply trying to figure out how to manipulate the situation so they can get you to run back into their arms even if they don’t necessarily want you or the relationship, still don’t be anyone’s fool because you don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. move on with your life because you deserve to and if it’s meant to be then it will be if not then oh well you will find someone who loves and appreciates you and wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. october 27, 2016, 4:00 pm kisha i am in the same boat but it is more complicated. we have a child. he moved put and left me in a home with some pretty high priced bills. it hurts to know he could leave me in the situation. i have text him a thousand times and now i know i can’t do that. he says he needs to fix himself and he must fo it on his own. it’s very hard. how are things going in your relationship now. i see it’s been a couple months. february 18, 2017, 7:04 am laeka laeka hey my bf of almost two years told me he wanted to be single for a while on oct 4. he says he wants to learn how to be friends again and he doesn’t think he took enough time in his previous relationship to get over it. he says he wants to buy me flowers etc (which he has never done) because he genuinely wants to and not because we’re in a relationship. he says he’s willing to be there for me just without the title of boyfriend. and also he’s not looking to date. i had to respect this decision although im not for it. i must admit i went crazy for the next few days after that and i did the whole slew of questions thing. i’ve never been on a break in a relationship ever. so the concept is new for me which is why i had to begin searching for articles to learn how to cope. i’ve stopped asking him questions, the last time was saturday. he came to my house cus he wanted to drop off something. i wasn’t sure how to act honestly. it was really awkward. anyway, monday his aunt sent some paperwork with him for me to look over and i accidentally called him babe and i corrected myself. he told me i didn’t have to stop and that he still tells people i’m his gf. and he told me he’s there and why i’m making it about the title etc. etc. but in our personal conversations he would say things like “we were together” i just don’t know what to do, this whole thing is confusing. the boundaries he says are us being natural with each other. but i don’t understand what to do, and i just feel like i’m on limbo when i could be taking this time to get over him. vad ska jag göra? october 12, 2016, 10:49 pm lucas he’s stringing you along he doesn’t necessarily want you or the relationship but he doesn’t want to see you with anyone else either he’s afraid that someone else is gonna do the things he didn’t put in any effort to do so he is gonna keep giving you false hope, do you really want to hang onto that? know when it’s time to walk away. october 27, 2016, 4:20 pm morilz how did this end? because i’m going through the exact same thing right now november 21, 2017, 2:07 pm laeka hey my bf of almost two years told me he wanted to be single for a while on oct 4. he says he wants to learn how to be friends again and he doesn’t think he took enough time in his previous relationship to get over it. he says he wants to buy me flowers etc (which he has never done) because he genuinely wants to and not because we’re in a relationship. he says he’s willing to be there for me just without the title of boyfriend. and also he’s not looking to date. i had to respect this decision although im not for it. i must admit i went crazy for the next few days after that and i did the whole slew of questions thing. i’ve never been on a break in a relationship ever. so the concept is new for me which is why i had to begin searching for articles to learn how to cope. i’ve stopped asking him questions, the last time was saturday. he came to my house cus he wanted to drop off something. i wasn’t sure how to act honestly. it was really awkward. anyway, monday his aunt sent some paperwork with him for me to look over and i accidentally called him babe and i corrected myself. he told me i didn’t have to stop and that he still tells people i’m his gf. and he told me he’s there and why i’m making it about the title etc. etc. but in our personal conversations he would say things like “we were together” i just don’t know what to do, this whole thing is confusing. the boundaries he says are us being natural with each other. but i don’t understand what to do, and i just feel like i’m on limbo when i could be taking this time to get over him. october 12, 2016, 10:47 pm zahirah me and my boyfriend decided to go on a break last night after trying to avoid it for weeks. i didn’t want to be alone because i felt like i was falling into depression because of boredom. we’re very close and intimate. however, yesterday he didn’t give me his password to his social media but i have him mine and i literally went off. so we decided to take a break because i’ve constantly been feeling crazy and unorganized. he’s still calling and texting me though as if we didn’t and aren’t taking a break… what does this mean? i’m confused. we still want to marry and love one another but he still wants to call and check in… i guess he just needs clarity on his end. but every time we break up he text random people. he always tells me what he did after our breaks and vice versa. so confused! october 12, 2016, 12:46 pm lucas did you not read the article the article basically told you what it means when a guy asks for a break but he still wants to sleep with you and he still calls you and sends you text as if you are not on a break he’s stringing you along mate, you are a booty call to him he knows that you love him and you are willing to do anything to make him happy and make this relationship work so he’s gonna continue to tell you whatever you want to hear as long as it’ll keep him satisfied as long as he can keep reaping the benefits of an actual relationship like let’s say having sex with you then that’s all that matters to him , tbh honest i would give my gf her password to my things because i don’t have anything to hide but you don’t exactly trust him he had to have done something to make you ask for his passwords to all of his social media or else you would trust him enough to not even ask for it, it is also illegal to invade someone else’s privacy regardless if you are in a relationship or not that’s apart of the computer piracy or hacker’s act, you can technically go to jail if someone actually pursues charges against you, as i stated this guy doesn’t see himself settling down with you if he did he wouldn’t have asked for a break but he enjoys receiving the benefits of a relationship, you’re basically holding onto lies and false hope, are you willing to hold onto all of those false promises for another 3 or 4 years? learn when it’s time to end it and respect yourself enough to walk away from the relationship. october 27, 2016, 4:26 pm nikki lucas, after reading through the threads, i have a couple questions. how do we as women (28) know if we are “holding onto false promises”? i’m situation is a little different, i’m 28, he’s 29 and we’ve been together 3 years. this past week has literally been hell… december 2, 2016, 3:01 am kisha i wonder the same thing. february 18, 2017, 7:06 am nad love it.. love it… love it… you go girl!!! october 11, 2016, 9:35 pm nad my bad my was for tc… love it.. love it… love it… you go girl!!! october 11, 2016, 9:39 pm sue hi everyone… it’s doing me good reading everyone’s stories… i wish it would help though cos my heart hurts so bad… i’m not young.. i’ve just turned 59 but have been told i look much younger.. i met and fell in love with my man just over 5.5 years ago and we lived together for 5 years… he is/was such a good man… but then his daughter who had a drug addiction died from an overdose in february and he changed… he pushed me away… i was so lonely.. then he said my cleaning wasn’t to his standard.. then he asked if i was stealing his change from off the fridge… then he had security cameras installed in the house.. then one day he just said the “spark” had gone so i moved out… i miss him terribly and tried the “clean break” and made no contact … he did eventually contact me and said he was angry that i hadn’t made any contact with him… i said i was giving him space to sort himself out … well then he told me he’d gone to a hooker for sex… that made me feel sick to my stomach… even now i’m prepared to forget as i miss him so much but he says he still wants his space to sort himself out.. he’s going out with the boys from work and meeting new fishing mates etc… meanwhile everything i do and everywhere i go it reminds me of him… i’m struggling here trying to be strong but feeling so lonely and depressed and finding it hard to move on… i hope there are some good stories out there where the man did eventually come back and beg for forgiveness but i can’t see it in my case.. i think he’s just fishing with me… he casts me a line and then throws me back out again… i feel so rejected … he came around on sunday and we sat crying in each others arms cos he’s “so confused” … i’m going cold turkey now i have to before i go insane… october 6, 2016, 2:03 am vicky how are you doing now sue? did things get better? i am 42 and the guy i have been seeing is 52. we both have kids and have been married before. he asked for time to think about if he can move forward and be around another family all the time before we get even closer. it has been 2 weeks since i have seen him and a week since i have spoke to him. i am not contacting him, but i am dying inside. january 10, 2017, 4:52 pm tammy come on girls, the truth is when a guy says “i want a break” it really means that “i want to be able to screw other girls, and keep you hanging on for a booty call”. don’t fall for it!! when a guy is really into a girl then he wants to be with her. he doesn’t want a break. the smartest thing you can do is to tell them they can have a permanent break and walk away. if you are clingy and keep asking questions and bothering him it will push him away more. the only way you might have a chance (if you really think a guy like this is worth it) is if you show that you are confident and fine. one of the biggest turn offs for guys is a girl without self confidence that keeps contacting you and asking questions. when a guy sees that you are fine without them then that’s usually when they want you. october 3, 2016, 7:44 pm lucas that’s with anyone male or female, some people expect you to remain faithful to them whilst they go out and make you look like an idiot by sleeping about with other people then there favourite word is “i thought being on a break meant we are single or exploring our other options” or something along the lines as ” we are on a break so i can do whatever i want” because in their head they are single. october 27, 2016, 4:08 pm j my bf of a year and a half said he wanted a break the other day. after five days of repeating the same story…. it’s not a break up, he just needs some space, yadda yadda. i of course had the typical come backs a break is just an unofficial break up, you don’t need space from someone you love. he swears it’s not me and he’s just not ready for our lives to be ” intertwined”. we aren’t kids we are in our 40’s. i’m just stressing now because i said i’ll give him the time he wants but i can’t just be in a committed casual relationship, i want a boyfriend. he doesn’t feel it’s necessary to talk everyday. i think it is! i feel like i gave him an ultimatum when all he wanted was a few days of space. do you think i was wrong??? i don’t want to lose this man who i love. please any advice would help. thanks guys and girls. good luck to all. september 30, 2016, 11:27 pm kim j, why if he said he wants a break are you talking to him for the last five days? if he doesn’t want to be with you then you should just walk away. obviously you are on two totally different pages of what you want in a relationship. if he doesn’t want to talk to you every day then he’s just not that in to you and isn’t t better you know now or do you really want to keep hanging on with him and waste another year and a half. take this as an opportunity to work on yourself and better prepare yourself for the next relationship. if a man really wants to be with you, he will be with you. if he wants a break, that’s not a good sign. have self respect and walk away. october 3, 2016, 11:24 pm lucas listen to kim she’s right i had to learn this about my gf if she honestly loved me she wouldn’t keep doing all the things that i’ve told her that hurts me she would have also put in effort when it came to our relationship instead of always making up excuses and apologising because she was saying “i’m sorry i will try harder or i will try” and she never would i felt like i was just wasting my time hoping and wishing for something i knew wasn’t gonna happen, know your worth know when it is time to give up and walk away you aren’t giving up because you don’t love them you’re walking away because you love and respect yourself more or enough to realise you’re self worth, you deserve to be happy and to not have to have self doubts or second guess if this person truly wants to be with you or not you, walk away work on yourself as kim said hopefully someone who truly appreciates you and wants to actually be with you and put in effort wi ll come along if not then that’s ok you don’t need a relationship or anyone for that matter to validate your worth. october 27, 2016, 4:13 pm carrie if he needs a break, leave him alone and do your own thing. some people need their own space, don’t mean they are cheating. time could tell. november 28, 2016, 10:27 am p i started dating this guy for 6 weeks who had been asking me out for 6 months, but i had always avoided him. Varför? first of all he added me on instagram and fb (we had mutual friends) and initiated contact with me asking me out and flirting. he likes going out alot, hes a couple years younger than me, 29. he also likes riding street bikes and has wrecked 2, he gets into a lot of fights and drinks alot. ive been a single mom of 3 for 5 years, im a nurse and very independent. i have a busy social life and very active with everything. i havent been in a relationship and very careful with anyone i date because of my kids. but after so long of asking me out i gave in. the first week we were dating he said he wanted to be official. i was the girl of his dreams and he has never dated anyone as attractive as me. he stated my characteristics of attraction to him were my personality was sweet, loving and funny, not only was a beautiful in appearance but in my heart. we never fought. he told me the last three weeks we were together that he knows i am the one and he hopes i dont leave him or stop talking to him ever. he began planning our future together with trips, meeting his family, and spending his birthday together. he even told me he only wants to spend time with me and doesnt have interest in his friends, but theyre all engaged or living with their girlfriends. he gave me the password to his phone and told me his ex has contacted him recently but he ignored it. i am not sure if he expected a reaction but i dont want to act jealous so i would only say oh thats good, and i told him i cut all my other intimate relationships as well. everything was perfect. he was beginning to get possessive. the day he broke up with me he began to be distant. he said he wasnt feeling well but wanted to hang out. he repeatedly said he missed me and he hasnt stopped thinking about me. the entire weekend he was telling me how he was tired of going out and wanted to stop the partying, i supported it because i only drank as much as him to keep up. but he was on his way to my house when he texted me he was getting ahead himself and didnt believe he was in any situation to be in a relationship, he said i was out of his league and deserve a man who can give me what i deserve. he wants to fix himself and i was the motivation for that because he is almost 30 and doesnt have much to offer me. he said he cant afford a girlfriend. he stated my qualities about being beautiful, successful and independent and that i made all the other women hes dated look like little girls. i was horrified and told him i loved that he had ambition and wanted better for his life, but i want to be by his side supporting him and to continue to motivate him, and status or finances have nothing to do with it, i only wanted his companionship. he said he doesnt want to date anyone else, just fix his life, but still wants to remain friends. i removed him from my social media and he was hurt. my response to him was i cant bare looking at his photos or location, easier access to know his locations and actions and i would hate to see if he ever did get in a relationship. when we started dating he immediately posted photos of us an tagging me. i was hesitant about it becuase i dont like being flashy about my relationships in case of a breakup. but he said he wouldnt take them down. i just want to know what is going through this guys head. he seems depressed about financial status and also that he doesnt have his street bike and i feel he cant afford a new one. he also is turning 30 and maybe it hit him. i am someone who sticks by someone and tries everything but ive only been seeing him for a short amount of time, but i saw potential in him september 20, 2016, 11:15 pm k i’m in a similar situation except your guys seems a bit more communicative, considerate, and honest with himself. mine became withdrawn, depressed, and turned to self-loathing instead of facing his demons and me with conviction to make the necessary changes in his life for himself. if your boyfriend is telling you he wants to work on himself because he doesn’t feel he’s in a position to be the partner he wants to be financially, then let him. do not take it personally. he’s being very honest with you and himself and that’s a great sign. men like to do things on their own and get self-esteem that way. you can tell him you don’t care where he is in life and that you want to be by his side during his transition but it won’t work. he’ll still need to do it alone. i would suggest doing your best to remain his friend and set very clear guidelines as to how often you see each other to feel you’re maintaining a connection. if he’s serious you’ll see the change, but if he’s not making the changes he’s said he wants to make you’ll have to move on for yourself. i’m super loyal and supportive to anyone i’m with and it’s caused me to have faith in those that didn’t deserve it and wait around too long for talk to become action. don’t do that. good luck! november 27, 2016, 5:46 pm sarah being casually dating guy for 8 months. said he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship when we first met. has depression can’t cope with it, we have feelings for each other. i told him i love him few months ago, still been seeing each other but last few weeks has been cancelling our dates being distant knew something was on his mind . saw him last week said he wanted a break he needs to think about what he wants. he said it’s not over but needs a few weeks to himself, and not to worry he wasn’t looking for anyone else, i got upset and cried he cried too. heard nothing 2 weeks now, i’m heartbroken scared won’t hear from him again. september 17, 2016, 11:34 am kim let him go. he’s not interested in a relationship. it’s not you, he has serious issues. life is short so start living your life again. october 3, 2016, 11:26 pm lucas walk away and find someone who actually wants to be in a relationship with you, stop holding onto the hope or possibility that things will workout and he will come back to you because if you haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks then chances are the relationship is dead and he’s not gonna come back move on and have some respect for yourself. october 27, 2016, 4:30 pm gracie i need advice. my bf of one year break up with me, the reason? is because i want to have kids and he doesn’t like. that’s it. he said he can’t give my happiness cos he know that i really wanted to have family and he doesn’t like kids ever. i asked him to think about this and maybe give time. he asked for space one week and just think so he can be clear. i asked him if i can see him, (i am in philippines as of now and he’s in australia) he answer back and said no,not now. i don’t know if he is going to let me see him again since i still have all my stuff in his place in australia. i love him so much and everything is all good about our relationship, it’s just that he doesn’t like kids. (i am 29 and he’s 36) september 16, 2016, 11:00 pm kim seriously? “everything is good except he doesn’t like kids”. i can’t think of a bigger red flag to run than this. if you want kids then you can only bring them into this world when you are with a man who wants to commit to you and loves and wants to have children with you. all children deserve to be brought up by two parents who want them and feel that their stability and happiness are their top priority. you won’t have that with someone that doesn’t want kids. this is a total deal break. move on!!! october 3, 2016, 11:33 pm bob when a man tells you he wants space apart from you physically and with no contact, run like hell! this is an indicator he is not ready to commit to you in the way that he feels you want him to. he can then further drag his feet by creating distance. while he might back away to clear his head of things he is not ready for, it is neither fair or appropriate for him to ask the same of you. don’t bide your time with other things and “wait” for him. just end the relationship altogether, get back out in the dating pool and try to meet someone who is ready. that way, you have alternatives who are far more likely appropriate for you in addition him as options in the event he actually comes back. and options are good. don’t put all of your eggs in one basket until the ring is on your finger, the wedding date is set and you can chat with a guy, his parents and friends freely without restriction. then, he might be worth focusing on. september 16, 2016, 10:30 am bell hi all looking for advice im together with my boyfriend 10 months he said we need to take a break and cool things as he needs to build a relationship back with his kids which are over 16 anf hasn’t seen them om weeks i understand that part we only see one another twice a week as he works away the weekdays said he loves theirs no one else how long should i wait fot him to text me we broke up once before but got back together after 4 weeks september 13, 2016, 10:18 am kim move on, he’s not ready for a committed relationship and he already has kids. why would you want to involve yourself in that when there are so many good men out there? october 3, 2016, 11:36 pm raina my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 months. but three weeks ago we went on a “break”. we were very good for those months until family problems came up and he became distant. i knew he didn’t want me involved because he knows how much i dislike seeing him in such a bad mood. he told me constantly that it wasn’t about me and that he still loves me, the day we went on a break he told me the break had nothing to do with me, and that he still loved me but he didn’t want me to see him how he was and i agreed because i knew he was going through things and didn’t want him to worry about me and i want him to focus on himself for a while, but i miss him so much. he said he would still text me to check up on me but it’s been almost a month and nothing, i texted him happy birthday but that was it. i was a mess the first week. we go to school together and i can’t even look at him without all the memories flooding back. i’ve seen him looking at me but we haven’t talked in three weeks and i still can’t look at him without wanting to go up to him and being in his arms again. but i don’t know if what i’m doing is right. i’ve had the urge to text him and see how he’s doing but i hold myself back. should i wait for him to come back once he fixes what he’s going through? i want to be there for him no matter what and i constantly told him that. i’m stuck between wanting to check up on him because i don’t want him to forget that i love him, or should i just wait it out? september 8, 2016, 11:12 pm lexman i am not sure if i will be the first male to comment but i wanted to share from the male side of the line. i was with my girl friend for about 9 months. things were great at first, she was getting along great with my family and i bonded with hers. no relationship is perfect as we had small bumps here and there but have always managed to talk it out and compromise. however there has been time i felt like i was on a minefield or walking on thin ice when she was in her moods.she would ask so much of me but little of herself at times.but beside the minor things she is a wonderful woman and love her to ceath. we had been talking about beeing married next year before i get ready to deploy for the 3rd time in my military career as we agreed. however all of the sudden a conversation came up last week between her and her dad about why we are waiting to get married.my rule is to at least have a year before taking that routre cause in a year you can see most of what you need to know that getting married is not going to come with major issues.i want to make sure we make it so taking my time and waiting was the plan. she claims the break she just put me on has nothing to do with that conversation but the next day she refused to speak to me on the phone and resorted to txtng ( to maintain distance verbally cause i was always able to reason and have a dialog to avoid choices in a hasty period). she said alot of what i am reading here ” i need to find myself, and figure out what i wants”. then says we need to figure things out. she needs to leave the we out of it cause its more about her because i already know i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. so she then said “you do you and i will do me” and i will hear from her in a few weeks. that was so hurtful and part of me feels i shouldnt be here if she tries to return. i dont think running was the answer and in any relationship i ever been in i tried to always come to a compromise to please both sides. my parents split up cause of the fact they couldnt communicate well enough to meet each other half way. my girlfriend has pointed out a few things i needed to change early in the relationship which while slow i eventually fixed it for her. some adjustments were hard as it resulted in me losing some friends and distancing myself from others( who were bad for the survival of the relationship). any flaws on the other hand she displayed i accepted because i took her as she was. i feel that me being put on break is hurtful after many efforts made and like i was pointing out before part of me wants to not be there if she tries to returns. and the comment “you do you and i do me” ….isnt sitting well with me right now. i asked her what does that mean and she danced around it and said look up on google how breaks work. which is how i found this outlet. i wanted an outside point of view. september 7, 2016, 2:47 am positivelyseeking dear lexman, i’m not sure what to say to you, sounds like a tough situation. however, it is very good to know and learn that relations do take work and upkeep, for certain, but are very worthwhile. i am learning about relationships right now:) i would like to forewarn you that to give into your partners’ demands and requests is kind of you, but it does take two people giving and taking in the relationship. i’ve found that i appreciate when my partner helps me to set limits. limits are healthy. communication of when limits have been breeched i think commands a respect that is needed for a healthy relationship. without these boundaries, a relationship grows very one-dudes and really becomes i enjoyable for both parties down the road. the reason i speak of the importance of a balance in the relationship is because you have your expectations that a relationship should last 1 year prior to marriage which is a solid and objective goal. it is a reasonable goal. it seems that your partner is not wishing to respect this and is not being very understanding of your wishes either due to a lack of communication in that she doesn’t realize how important this is to you and your relationship. or she is behaving very immaturely and selfishly which needs to also be communicated. perhaps counseling would help for the both of you to explore and and work on. best wishes! seekingpositivity september 7, 2016, 2:28 pm alex elmera thank you for the timley responding or my situation. she mentioned going to counseling but i wanted to use that as a last resort being that i didnt see a need for us to do this since i always was seeking to please and make it work. plus her mother ( who is a wonderful woman of the church) was selected to be the middle person. my problem with that is i feared a one sided land slide on me. her mom and dad however did side with me on issues that were just petty on my partners end. i really wanted her to be the one. during our last time of speaking when she placed me on this break i asked her what if we where married and going through issues? running isnt the answer which her was “humph well we arent married now arent we?” if being placed on this hurtful break is some sort of punishment then i will leave. she often complained about not going out or doing exciting things yet every time i set up trips or activities i got shut down or got an excuse not to go. then turns around saying we dont do anything. if we went to counseling i would have brought that up. i really dont know if its something withing herself she is sorting out or my bigger fear that something in the form of a person could be behind it. prior to this i was in a 15year waste of time and iin this phase of my life i cant waste anymore time. im 36yrs old never married and no kids . my age now i feel my best years of having a family and enjoying them has begun to pass me by. this is why i told her 1 year then we get married to see all sides of ourselves. now about to be 10months in and this happpens. i am ver upset. as you said balance is key and i tried to maintain some lines, now that i held my one line she did this. hurting badly september 7, 2016, 3:25 pm channa my boyfriend broke up with me last night, he insisted that its just a break because he doesn’t want to break up, but it still hurts like hell either way. we’ve been together for a little over 7 months and the first while was absolutely amazing and we were head over heels for each other. he’s thinking about college and has a sister who keeps ending up in the hospital and stuff like that so he’s been pretty stressed out. now he says he needs space to figure his life out and figure out who he is before he can handle being in a relationship. he also says that he has feelings for me as more than a friend but that its no where near as strong as it originally was and that he loves me as a friend. and that when he looks at me right now he sees a best friend, not his girlfriend. but he also completely bawled on me which he’s never ever done and told me he doesn’t want it to be like this and that he wants to be able to look at me and see his girlfriend and feel like he did about me and that he wants to be with me and this to work out and us get each other back in the end. i asked him if he thinks this is fixable and he said he thinks it is, that he just needs time, but i’m so scared.. i just want him back, i’m trying to have hope, but it hurts so much and i’m terrified that he’s going to meet someone else and realize starting over is easier than putting the time and effort into fixing us. i’m trying so hard to have hope in the fact that he wants the break just to be temporary and wants to get through this and us work out, but its so hard to not be able to do anything. we’ve agreed to still hang out and talk and he says he’s okay with cuddling as long as i’m okay with it, its just kissing and stuff that he says he can’t do because it feels like a lie since he knows how i feel and doesn’t feel the same right now. i’m hoping so hard that its just because he’s so stressed out and once he works through that, that he’ll remember how he feels about me, but i’m so scared that it’s not.. i could really use some advice on it, i don’t want to mess this up.. august 30, 2016, 11:11 pm lauren i did the exact same thing; dumped my bf after he told me that he “needed time to think”, and it seems to have backfired since i’m completely miserable. i obviously agree that we shouldn’t be subjected to having to wait for the “verdict” to come down, but being the one to pull the plug in this situation doesn’t seem to make things easier. i suppose i can at least say that i still have my pride. august 30, 2016, 5:29 pm t can i send him a gift to say thank you for all that he has done for me? i feel it and want to say but i dont want to push him away. if that would interfere with him needing space, i would not want to do it. suggestions please? august 30, 2016, 7:59 am t how long can breaks go on? for how long to give him space & stay in my world? i became too clingy and dependent and now i have to show him that i’m still the strong person he fell in love with. we haven’t talked for almost a month now. occasionally have run into him and said hi but thats all. sometimes i said it smilingly and couple times it was awkward. i think i made it awkward cos its hard to not talk to the one you love the most. the unknown is scary. he is younger than me and he needs to sort out things in life. i took him for granted and started rushing him. became less appreciative and more demanding and had more complaints. wish i had come across this website earlier and checked myself. now i hope and pray i get a second chance to be the improved person i’m trying to be. any suggestions on how to stay strong? & no negativity please. thanks!! god bless all and may all get their love back & live happily. august 30, 2016, 7:43 am julez my boyfriend recently has been spacing himself from me. he didn’t say he “needed a break”…i just noticed him distancing himself from me. it was very upsetting at first. we have been together for 5 1/2 years. he works offshore a lot and has been gone for weeks and months at a time during the past 5 1/2 years. i’ve been supportive and faithful and there for him on everything. also, he had wls (weight loss surgery) last year and has lost about 120 lbs. i discouraged it when we first met because i believe in “doing it yourself” and because of all the dangers. well…4 years into our relationship, he had researched the wls a lot and decided that’s what he wanted to do. i told him i’d support him…and have. i’ve never really been overweight and have always exercised so, i was excited that we’d now be able to do more things together and he’s be eating healthy (as he always boohooed the healthy food i liked). anyway…its been a year since his wls and suddenly, he’s making several actions to move up to the lake house we bought together that we had planned to retire to. it’s one thing that he’s offshore so much but then to not want to spend time with me when he’s on shore…is very hurtful. he says he loves me and he says there is no other girl….he just needs some “time to himself”. so…..i’ve decided to support him through this because i do love him. i’ve become a member at the jazzercise place down the road and do that 4-5 times a week…come home and walk the dogs and then go to bed after a full day’s work and start all over. also, i’ve joined a bowling league. my only problem now…are the weekends. i’m trying really hard to support him through this but, i need to keep busy and want companionship. problem is…..all my friends are couples and the single girls only want to go out to the bars…which, i hate. i’ve always only met lonely people in bars…last thing i need. trying to do this healthfully but, it’s really hard. looking to get into a kayak club and do that. i just need to keep busy. i love him very much but, this is so confusing. like others say…i am writing in a journal to try to sort out my feelings and not text him. i’m really glad i came across this article. it has helped, somewhat. i love motorcycling too but, that usually requires a male driver…i’m sure that won’t go over too well. i’ll see how i do. i wish everyone else the best. it truly is hard when you love them. august 28, 2016, 8:21 pm shelby i am going through this right now and i don’t know how many times this stuff has ran through my mind. tomorrow will be 1 week since our split. i have begged and pleaded for everything to be okay again and i get nothing but a text back saying “you need to accept i need this space.” a heart breaker for sure. i moved in with him in may and then 4 months later he finally decided he wasn’t happy with himself or us so he wanted a break and be friends, well then he still had me sleeping in his bed and things lead too far. then finding out he is on pof and doesn’t say a word about it when i asked him, he denies he doesn’t want anyone else nor wants to deal with anyone else but then at the same time he made the pof account and will not tell me why, but yet tells me that “he needs to work on himself.” something is not clicking with the pof thing. nothing is worse than having someone give you mixed feelings then the next wanting nothing to do with you.i know with me constantly begging and pleading its going to do nothing more than push him away. reading this article has taught me just to start living my life and working on myself before anything, only time will tell what happens in the future. august 10, 2016, 4:35 pm lucy sorry for the typing mistakes btw … august 8, 2016, 9:26 am lucy ok so maybe you guys can advice me also as im so confused… so i was seeing this guy for 4 months .. we had an argument as he was a let down and called me out with his bday party that i was organisinf for him ..he apologised and admited he qas a let down but i carried out in arguing with him ..i asked him for some time to think about it as i was angry… he never contact me for 5 days ..then i messages him saying: *well i gather your non contact is a sent message of us not dating anymore ..thats ok there is no beef going on i will keep it moving* he then replied im not saying this i need more time to think as i dont like this arguments. i then further insisted that i will keep it moving and he seems like the made up his mind already ..so i asked him what do you mean by time ..he said few more days .. i said ok i respect his decision and i will give him few more days..that was 5 days ago… 2 days ago it was his bday party eith his family( which i never met as its eaely days and i coukd understand)…so i wished him to have a good time to which he replied thank you baby ..today is his actual birthday …i wished him happy birthday and again he replied thank you baby involving into a small convo afterwards. like im confused !! he tells me he needs few more days to think… then he calls me baby …. i said that after today i will not massage him to get bk to me ..if he doesnr message me by the end of the week(that would of given him 2 weeks to think) i will consider we done so i will message him wishing him all the best and i hope he finds in someone else what he didnt find in me .. im so gutted as i feel i pushed him away ..and unsure how to fix it! august 8, 2016, 9:24 am leirasagrav wow it’s kinda crazy i’m going through the exact same.. on a “break” with my bf and today is his birthday..super difficicuot for me being that this is the first time i wo t be with him for his birthday in 6 (!) years..so it made me feel better to read your comment and find you actually are going through the exact same not too long. anyway god bless and i hope everything works out the way you want. august 27, 2016, 12:17 pm k one word – journal . this is the only way i have kept my sanity. no more texting. actually i deleted all texts as i foolishly was re reading them which hurt even more!!!!!!! the words i received were “i still love you just need a few weeks to wrap my head around things here”. it has been almost two weeks and it is so damn hard. i have gone from sad to finally yesterday i became very angry….. however the only way to keep my mind off of him and the unknown is by staying busy, turning off my phone and journaling. i’ve listed pros and cons of our relationship, i’ve vented anger of what i want to say to him but instead wrote in on paper. i’ve cried on my journal, i’ve written random thoughts, i’ve written pages……at some point, if and when (gosh that is hard to imagine, the if ) i want him to read it. some is good some is bad but all is from the heart…. trying to be strong is not easy, but at least i’m trying…. we all need support right now and am so glad to read i am not alone… ~ k august 6, 2016, 10:12 am b “trying to be strong is not easy, but at least i’m trying” why is it that hard right? i still have my blog to write everything im feeling to make me feel better. so damn had. september 30, 2016, 1:48 pm regina woah,it’s amazing with how many comments i can relate on. all i can say, is that giving space when you truly love someone hurts like hell, but it has to be done. sometimes relationships that are too clingy tend to develop this issues; even if they both love each other. best thing, give it time if you want to be with him. be comprehensive. tell him you’ll be there. if he loves you, you know, he’ll come back. you have to remain strong and find the perfect balance; not being proud and oppressing your feelings, but not being too bur. it’s been a week for me since we took that time (he decided, i wasn’t strong enough) and the first days he was the one texting me all the time, now this past sunday i was the one who texted him being emotional again since that talk (wrong!) as the article says, he told me “we’ve already talked about it” and i had to shut my mouth. sooooo yes, i cried a lot, he did too, and i’m not really having a great time because it sucks, i feel like i can’t be with the person i love. so don’t feel alone. have faith, be happy, and focus on you and remain to yourself the beautiful attributes he loved about you. in my case, he asked for space because he was insecure and jealous (with no reasons) and wants to trust me, so first he needs to trust on himself. for example, he loved my smile. so, i will try -with all te pain on my heart- to be happy without him, so i could be with him. ig @reginalimes august 2, 2016, 10:33 pm kathy sounds like we are in the same boat!!!!!!!! wow i agree it hurts terribly. i was overtexting and now need to stop…..he said he “needed a few weeks to wrap his head around things’ but still loves me? i just do not get how you ignore the one you love. that is the hardest part for me, being ignored…..hope you are doing well! we both need support and trust but when you are in love it really is difficult. how are you keeping busy? i’ve started a journal to vent, maybe it will work for you? take care ! – kathy august 6, 2016, 9:57 am julia thank you first off for writing this. my fiance of 2.6 yrs broke up with me the 6th of july. we live 1.5 hours from eachother but tried to see eachother when possible. he lives with his mom snd his 2 kids which made it extremely hard as his parents would often be right in our business. yes, we argued a lot. misunderstood eachother a lot. you know that crazy cycle?! (i’ve been watching the videos by emerson eggerich called love & respect and omg i never realized how much i was disrespectin him. so a must watch ladies ) he keeps telling me, you didn’t respect me. and still don’t because you just won’t give me the space o need. he told me, “focus on yourself, your kids, life. now i’m taking this as horrible rejection, and that he no longer wants me at all. i’m a mess… a wreck. i love him so much and am afraid i’ll lose him for good. so, i’ve been bombarding him with texts in hopes he’ll reassure me that he’ll come back to me. needless to say, it’s doing me no good. i’ve gotten less and less texts from him and in turn i’m falling aoart. i’m gutted… but reading this has given me that want to respect his wishes. i know men need respect and us love. i pray he comes back, but i know that it may never happen. :'( my goal it to stay away from my phone and not text him. i want to so bad but i cant. thank you for this! august 1, 2016, 4:50 pm sherrelle reading this article made me feel sooooo much better. anytime i feel sad or question things i’m gonna come back to this. me and my ex have been broken up for almost 4 weeks. and it has been helllll. he’ll tell me i’m the only girl he sees anything with and i’ll feel better, but then my mind starts question everything again. and i start pushing too much. i know he needs space so in going to try to give it to him. august 1, 2016, 12:55 am nicole wow four weeks i can’t believe it! i’ve been dealing with my problem for 8 days and i’m dying! did you guys get back together? october 10, 2016, 8:36 pm deanna have you ever noticed that when a guy says, “guys and girls are wired differently”, they then go on to tell you how you need to cater to the guy’s wiring? ladies, if a guy leaves you to find himself–give him a map, and burn the bridge on it that leads back to you. remember, whatever he finds, at the root of it it’s still just a guy that walked out on you. july 31, 2016, 12:10 pm kristy exactly!!!! everything i read about space says we need to cater to him. so unfair! august 1, 2016, 12:42 pm lili i really wish i would have read this sooner :(. my boyfriend and i have been on and off for almost 6 months the last 3 years we’ve been together with out breaking up. 3 weeks ago we got in a huge fight because i believe that he shouldn’t have female friends. at that point he told me that we needed a break to figure ourselves out.he moved in with his sister ever since. ivery been going crazy wondering what he’s doing? who he’s talking to? i think thing would of been easier for me if i didn’t see him everyday. we have a 17month old baby girl together. i first told him that if we were taking this break that we needed time apart and that would include him seeing our daughter a little less because i didn’t want to see him everyday.he called me selfish and said that it was unfair to him. we ended up agreeing to him having her on his days off and in the mornings since he doesn’t work till 2pm everyday. during this break i’ve been so pos sessive. to where i called him about 50 times last night to argue.he then told me that he couldn’t deal with this anymore nd that he didn’t want to be with me anymore july 30, 2016, 12:26 pm lili i ment 6 years july 30, 2016, 12:46 pm kate hi ladies, my bf and i of 2 years just went on a break, extended break, whatever he called it before moving out of the house i just bought for us. his step-dad had just died and i had went through a very horrible experience with being attacked sexually in another country so i was extra needy when i need to be there for him. i wasn’t able to tell him about the attack because i had just gotten back and basically the next day he had to go check in on his dad. i had been holding all this hurt inside and after the funeral they had an after party and i drank way to much and made a somewhat of a scene. i overheard a relative say something very hurtful about me and how i look. the next day he was disgusted by me and was more mad than i had thought he would ever be. i truly felt bad and as a woman in my late 20’s i should have known better but i let it get the better of me. now he has moved out and back across the country and tells me i need to get myself help and he hopes someday we can be together again and he doesn’t want to talk to me more months. it hurts so bad but i know after this article all i can do is give him space because he needs to grieve and he also needs to realize the great life we had and i had a mess up. part of me thinks its over for good and a tiny part is holding on hope. i am devastated as he took the dog and took all his belongs but a very very few with him. he doesn’t want to talk to me right now which gives me some hope as knowing him he would just cut it off completely and talk to me. we made an agreement we wouldn’t see or do anything with anyone else during this time but then again, i feel very betrayed even though i made a mistake but i have done a lot for him to help him with his career and give him a home and be loving. i have my faults but this instant leave it all and move out and try to not tell me hurts. any advice would be appreciated. i know i am not a saint here but my heart hurts so bad. tack! kate july 27, 2016, 7:10 pm carrie talk to a psychologist about the attack, that’s more important than him. then ask for the psychologist advice how to tell him, if he didn’t trust you, move on.. this guy is useless but you are honest november 28, 2016, 10:45 am hannah this is an interesting article. i was with my fiance for 9 months, sweetest guy in the world. then he decided to break up with me and i’ve been in limbo for 2 months. i freaked out. he doesn’t understand how confusing it is. yesterday he finally said that he’s stressed and needs space…. floating around in space is scary. july 10, 2016, 8:59 am mckenzie scott this whole article made me re think my whole respective on my “break” type of thing. i’m really glad i read this so i don’t assume the worse. july 2, 2016, 9:07 am kade you are not the only one. i always jump to conclusions and this really set me at ease. i thought this break was a way for him to see other people. july 4, 2016, 1:53 pm kirst ah girls, isn’t this article a relief. my guy n i had a fall out one week and two days ago exactly and it’s been hell. i wrote him a novel size letter, and then another, i drove 8 hours to his place on the whim he was even home and stood silently with palm cards instead of words, and i pushed to see him on our child free weekend and got knocked back, and it feels like it’s not achieving anything he still wants space. every thing you read points that we need to give him space but it’s so hard when your desperate for him to know how much you miss him, how much you love him and it’s hurts not being told these things either just silence. is he busy getting over me? is he busy having fun with someone else? you really lose your mind don’t you. i’m glad i’ve found numerous of these articles saying the same thing. getting true perspectives from a guy is totally awesome, because let’s face it, who the hell understands men anyways. i wish you all luck in getting him back, be strong ladies, it’s all we can do :) x july 23, 2016, 5:27 pm natalia today has been my first day on a break, and this article has lifted so much weight off my shoulders. my boyfriend of 7 months has requested that we go on a break, but its not because of anything i did. something happened in his family today that hes going to have a tough time dealing with. also, he will be working 40 hours a week and says he doesn’t want me to feel “neglected” or “ignored” because he’ll be so busy. and when hes not working, he’ll be camping with his family. how come relationships are always at stake when certain events come up in life? why can’t the relationship stay, even when times are tough? we are a team and i’m here to help him, but i don’t understand why its the relationship that has to go. we never fought and we got along so well. i miss him. do you think we will ever get back togther? june 30, 2016, 2:23 am kelsi natalia, this is my first day on a “break” with my boyfriend of two years. it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever done and the article explains everything that’s happened so clearly. i can already tell that i need to back waaaayyyyy off. i miss mine, too. but yes, i think it’s possible to get back together. and i most definitely agree with your comment about how life’s issues get in the way of a relationship. like whatever issue it is should be solvable with the help of your so. or at least that’s the way i thought love works…. july 20, 2016, 11:19 pm shelbyd so i need some advice, my boyfriend of 2 years decided it was time for us to take a break however, he said it was not just about me but his family and friends as well. his reason for a break was so he “could better himself as a person” and he also said he had a lot of stuff on his mind like college and his work. so i thought, alright i’ll just stop talking to him for about a month until he decides what to do and to be honest this is really hard for me. i’ll just randomly break down sometimes because i’m just so scared but i know i have to stay confident and not bug him about it. but whats weird is how he still wants to talk to me and to “make sure if i’m alright,” what should i do in this situation, just talk to him or don’t? any further advice would be helpful too. june 29, 2016, 9:12 pm julia yes, mine too still wants contact with me and to be honest, it’s hurting me more. i don’t want to be just friends with him. i want us back. man i’m heartbroken. but reading this, i realize i really need to gain confidence back and to back wayyyyyy the heck off. it’s so hard. :'( august 1, 2016, 5:18 pm shell my boyfriend took of at 630am after staying, he is former alcoholic says he suffers depression & anxiety, however i think that there is more to it… like narcissitic or borderline personality disorder. he organizes dates & doesn’t show up, then calls me crazy cause iam trying to find out where he is. i said to him today i don’t want to keep hassling him if he doesn’t want me, just tell me so i can leave him alone (i have been ill also)…. the response i got was im not saying we’re not together need some time to focus on my family & new business you need to get healthy i really hope your ok will come see you as soon as i can. wtf? i really don’t understand june 21, 2016, 12:43 am anna my boyfriend and i recently decided to take a break after 6 months of dating. the break is not because we are experiencing problems with one another; we get along really well, never fought etc. he has an internship in a dif ferent state for the summer and i will be studying abroad in the fall , so we decided to take time off for the next 6 months. he wants to focus on himself for now and just figure out where he’ll be after college. i decided to do the same. also, he was previously in a long distance relationship where he was hurt as well as emotionally abused; thus he is too afraid of commitment. i told him i’ll reach out when i get back in december… would he miss me, and come to his senses? he mentioned at the day we started our break that i took the relationship a bit more seriously than he did, yet i think he’s just saying that to cover up feelings that he’s developed…am i right ? june 6, 2016, 12:25 am felicia my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years hes been having alot of issues lately family and finance and he might be facing some jail time. he recently threw me a lovely party at his home for my birthday and bought gifts he went above and beyond what he usually does, then the next morning he changed. says he needs space to sort out his issues had i seen this earlier i wouldnt have throwb tantrums, i now realise its not about me. currently he says he doesnt want to talk about the relationship but he answers all my calls, hes confusing me, but i think giving him space and focusing on my life is for the best right now. june 5, 2016, 6:23 pm sandra this is my first day of ‘cold turkey’ and i miss him so much. it helps a lot to understand that i’m not alone and that other men feel pressured enough to want to take a break. is there anyone out there who has been through this and come out the other side? what happens? do most men return, or does the break turn into a break up? this is far worse than a break up because you don’t know what is going to happen….. june 5, 2016, 11:27 am sabrina alexis i went through it… actually in my relationship with eric back in the day! usually, a break isn’t the best sign but i have seen it happen many times where the couple will get back together and make it work. but that shouldn’t be your focus right now. right now your focus should be on yourself, on finding ways to be happy without him and to resolve whatever issues there were, maybe within yourself or in the relationship, that caused things to fall apart. and i remember how painful and confusing that point in time was for me so i know what you’re going through but it will get easier, and things will work out the way they’re meant to. just trust me on that. june 5, 2016, 1:31 pm amanda at what point is ‘enough’ though? currently been on a break with my partner for nearly 2 weeks – but we’re still living together. it’s all well and good leaving him too it and it is nice for me as well because i’m realising things i didn’t know about myself. but at what point does it become disrespectful and assume everything’s ok without meeting in the middle and having a conversation about why we got here in the first place? july 1, 2016, 10:39 am julia i can relate so much. i’ve bought these dvds called love & respect. omg i’m telling you, they are amazing and every couple, marriednot, should watch these. i’ve been trying too hard to get my love to watch them to hopefully save our relationship, but he tells me he’ll watch it on his own time. so, hopefully the time he’s taking he’ll watch them. i don’t know what else to do but to do exactly what this article states, back away. i wrote this to him last: august 1, 2016, 5:35 pm julia i wish i could talk to you face to face or on the phone. instead of this texting. it’s really hard to get across what i’m trying to say and my deepest feelings.. but for now, i’m going to be patient and wait for you to come to me. bare with me if i stumble. i’m trying. so i’ll leave you alone. just know that i love you, and respect you deeply and am learning. i don’t know what else to do but to back away and wait till you’re ready for you and i, if you do chose to be with me again, which i pray you will, but in god’s will, not mine. i’ll be here with open arms, understanding, unconditional respect and love. to be your partner through anything and stand beside you. because i now know what that looks like, where as before, i had no clue or thought i did. to be patient. patience is what i’m working on for myself because i lack that badly … a better ear to listen, and a promise to god i will forever put him first. take care my love! so then hours went by and i panicked because no response.. mind you, i’ve telling myself to stop, back off. but what do i do, i send him a text asking, is this what you need? then an hour later he responds back… so it’s your decision to back away even though i’ve been asking for space. ughhh! :( so that was yesterday. today thus far i’ve sent him nothing. strength i need… you ladies stay strong too. <3 august 1, 2016, 5:40 pm kisha how did it go? did he come back february 18, 2017, 7:11 am yolanda henderson i’m going through this now. this has truly helped me and it’s very accurate. may 30, 2016, 10:08 pm jacqui thank u all for the feedback!! it helps my soul….amd that i dont feel like im the only one. everything was absoulutely wondeful and then one day after 10 months it ended with the whole ” i need space”. it hurt so bad and discovered that i never loved someone so much as this man. im definantely teying to stay busy but uffdah…. its all been a tal test to my spirit. thank u all for being there. namaste…. jacqui may 30, 2016, 12:10 am xolly when my boyfriend got back from his home, he told me that he loves me and i shouldn’t make this about him and that it’s not me. he told me that he needs space to focus on himself and that he’s under a lot of stress (family issues that he can’t discuss with me). i’ve been pushing him because i didn’t understand what was going on. he asked me not to talk about our relationship or any serious stuff and when i do he simply ignores me. everything written on this article is what’s happening in my relationship now, had i found it earlier it’d have done a lot of difference. i hope i didn’t lose him by being pushy and petty! may 28, 2016, 10:56 am suzanne best thing to do is treat it as a break up, don’t initiate any contact, live your life and get dating if possible. may 27, 2016, 5:28 am angela you’re absolutely right about us as females we do feel rejected when a guy does say that….our relationship is on hold… i am on break from mine…..its hard so i stay busy and not try not to bother him…… he tells me he’s not going anywhere he’s just trying to get straight so reading your article does help thank you may 18, 2016, 7:41 am confused my boyfriend n i have been together fr 8 month we fell in love with each other.been de best couple ever,last month we started to lack contact n last saturday he told we need to take a break because he is feeling vulnerable he just want to find miself.he just told me to socialize.go to church n focus on mi studies also change de things he ddn know about me.he said he loves me so much.m willing to wait fr him n only god knows fr how long.i love him so much n m deeply hurt.any advice please april 25, 2016, 1:46 am jen me and my boyfriend are cur rently on a break. we had an arguement before the weekend about him and his ‘lad banter’ about girls. disrespectful. this pushed him over the edge, an edge i didn’t know he was on. he doesn’t open up. he text me the next morning and we agreed to meet up. he cried a lot, saying it was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do but he has to leave me. he believes he’s not good enough for him and that he disappoints me because he’s not totally ready to grow up yet. he believes i will be happier with someone else. i never said he wasn’t enough so i don’t know where it came from. he kept saying he couldn’t feel like this anymore and was very set on that decision. of course, i didn’t feel like this was the reason and was very upset also. i said we can work it out and go back to the start with everything. he was like this for a few minutes and eventually said ‘i just need a break’. at first, it was a month but he’s now prepared to text in a weeks time. have i pushed him into this break in the heat of the emotional moment? we would not be together now if i pleaded for him to think about what he was doing. if we continue, is this relationship just on because i made him? i thought he would regret this decision and that his head was so confused he just wanted out. without thinking about it. i do think if he didn’t want this break, he would say after having 4 days alone that he doesn’t actually want this and wouldn’t say he would like to text as usual in a few days time (unless he is scared of my reaction again)?. is it a question i will ask when we start to work things out (if we ever do). if we ever get into an arguement, will he just be thinking, ‘i didn’t even want this anyway, i told you that’. currently, he is very down within himself and seems in a very bad way. he never mentioned that he was unhappy. we even booked new york for june, he was non stop saying how excited he was. that’s why i feel his break up decision was too fast and rational. his texts (the very little i’m getting) state he still loves me and i mean everything to him. not knowing how he is feeling is stressing me out but i’m giving him the time. i feel terrible, i even cry at work. i’m unsure what will happen now but i hope i hear the words i want. april 13, 2016, 3:07 pm may my boyfriend of 1 year recently broke up with me. we got together when he graduated from university. he planned to not find a job in his field right away because he wanted to take a break and relax before starting a full time job. in the meantime he worked part time at a store. 5-6 months into our relationship he started to search for a job, but nothing came up and he didn’t really look into any jobs after that. we had an awesome relationship and i stayed at his place almost every day. it was like i lived with him. he started creating a website to show on job interviews, which he started to work on a few hours a day. our relationship went sour last month. one day he spent all day working on his website, and completely ignored me. i spend the entire day watching netflix in his room. i asked him to watch a movie at night with me, but he said he was busy. then i got upset at him and cried because he hadn’t spent any time with me. it was the first time i really ever got upset with him. i told him that i would’ve gone home if i knew he was going to spend the entire day on his computer and not spend any time with me at all. he told me that he wants to find a real job and get his website done so that he can show it on interviews, and that we should spend less time together. i told him i understood but he should have told me he’d be working on it all day, so i would’ve expected it. i saw him a few days later and he was distant and cold. i asked him what was wrong, and he told me we had communication issues and that i can be childish because i don’t know how to communicate properly. i apologized and told him i will work on it and that i was sorry for not speaking to him sooner the other day and letting my emotions boil over instead of telling him i had a problem with what he was doing right away. i told him i also wanted him to speak up right away when he had an issue with me or thought i was being childish. i was convinced he was going to break up with me because he looked so upset. i asked him what he wanted and he said he didn’t know. he invited me over almost ever day after that and he was quit cold and distant but as the days went on he warmed up so i thought we were ok. but while i was over he’d work only his website and spend very little time with me. i would occupy myself doing other things at his place, but i didn’t get upset anymore because i knew how much he wanted to work on it. he did however make time with his friends but he didn’t do that with me. which did hurt. 2 weeks after our initial “fight” he started getting very cold and distant with me out of no where, when i thought we were finally good. he told me not to come over because he wanted to be alone, and then 2 days later invited me over and broke up with me. he told me that this past year he has done nothing with his life. he hasn’t gotten a job and he’s gained a little weight and he is unhappy where he is in life. he said he needs a fresh slate to start over and get his life together. he told me he needs to be alone and can’t be in a relationship right now. i got upset and wanted to work this out with him but he was having none of it. he told me something was missing in our relationship. it’s like we are only friends who hang out. i told him we can spend less time together and really make an effort to go on dates and that it’s been weird between us because he has been so busy these past couple weeks working on his computer that we never spent time together, even though we were at the same place. but he wanted none of it. i asked him when he finds a job and his life is back on track could we work it out. he said he doesn’t see a future with me. this was 3 weeks ago and i have been in no contact since, except last week he messaged me to exchange items of mine he found after cleaning. i went and got them. he didn’t look me in the eye. he did tell me he joined a gym and started a diet. i told him i was happy he is making changes and told him that i would’ve supported him with those things and that i hope he didn’t think he couldn’t do those things while we were together. the break up seemed to come out of no where and even his friends say so. however, he hasn’t contacted me at all to see how i am, and i know i need to give him his space to focus on himself. i think after a month or so has passed i will reach out to him, because right now i believe his mind is focused on working on himself. but i feel that focus won’t last forever. am i a fool for thinking we can have a second chance? is he completely done with me? has anyone been in a similar situation and got their ex back? i so desperately want us to go back to how we used to be! april 10, 2016, 9:55 pm ra karma gets you sometimes???? april 12, 2016, 6:22 am evelyn thank you for this wonderful article although i have heard most of this from friends and even a professional and my ex’s family and friends , i cant get over it. deep down inside i know i did a lot for him but he also did too and i took him forgranted. this article opened me up but i’m so weak and vulnerable, i don’t know how to control my feeling. i’m lonely and feel like i cant let go. i did all the first part of article told not to do. sorry. i pray every day that this a dream. april 5, 2016, 10:17 pm tracey my boyfriend and i have been fighting on and off for a year atleast we have been together for 2 years. he ended it yesterday but i texted him a bunch of messages and he said this: i need time and i hope you respect my wishes to leave me alone. your texts are not helping. i know your wishes but i need to figure out my feelings and decide what is best for me moving forward in life. i do care about you,and a part of me always will, but we fight so much, i just cant take it anymore, i need time to heal, just please respect and please give me that space. i understand lately he has been depressed about his life and i have been depressed about mine ( i am in university ) so we both have been acting strange. i replied saying this to him: okay, i respect your wishes take all the space you need. just remember i love you and i am here to support you with whatever you need. even if you just want someone to vent to about me or your life you can call me anytime. i love you so much poonkai and i want to know i want us to be happy as well. i don’t want to fight with you anymore i want to be that girl who use to write you poems and sing to you i want to take care of you? i love u and i’m here if you need me through thick and thin. remember that. from here all away around the world to here. ?god bless angel he hasnt reponded. i am trying the no contact rule i just hope it works i am trusting the no contact rule. i am confused are we done? has he moved on? like this confuses me this is my first actual serious break up i am his first girlfriend. he has removed me off social media deleted my photos .. i am just stuck i guess… i plan not to contact him until he contacts me first. any advice? do you think he left? march 24, 2016, 4:42 pm bonnie i’ve been going out with this guy for 2 1/2 weeks i met his father and his family. we were in a long distance relationship. he told me he’s never been this happy before when i was with him. we broke up 2 days ago because he was going through some family problems and told me that’s it not fair for me if he can’t give me his all right now that he couldn’t give me anything. i told him i do not want anything just him is enough, and that i understood he needed a break and if he needed some one to talk to i was here. he said thank you i really appreciate it! i’m really sorry but if things get better here then maybe we could try again but things are not good for me right now. i responded with i hope things get better n no after that. haven’t talked to him since it’s just been 2 days. i don’t know if he’s really serious about trying again if things get better? i really like him march 24, 2016, 12:14 am shantar brown so me and my boyfriend broke up over the phone when i was in china. i was so sad and depressed about the situation. but then i had posted pictures on facebook showing how much fun i was having with my friends at night. a couple days later together. now we are broken up again this time it’s been about a week. because i’m always arguing and it’s becoming stressful. tillsammans. now we are broken up again this time it’s been about a week. me because i’m always are you in and it’s becoming really stressful. ok i understand but then he wanted me to stay his friend. we still hang out we text each other all the time. so today i decided to not text him and he sent me a message saying ” you can’t text anyone anymore, i see you don’t have time for me”. so i replied ” lol i was in the shower” now this is really confusing me because he keeps saying he needs time to get himself back to normal. he keeps saying that lately he doesn’t feel like himself and he’s super stressed. he still kisses me on the cheek and hold my hand. at one point he would give me these intimate kisses. told to stop because he’s leading me on in the wrong way and i don’t wanna get hurt . also when i post stuff about other guys he it’s so upset. what’s really going on should i wait for him, give him the time he needs i’m just so confused march 22, 2016, 5:23 pm tessa my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years said he needed a break. we both could tell something was off in our relationship since we would argue about stupid, little things all the time (mainly because i started them). the beginning of our relationship was long-distance and a part of me felt like he could never really be boyfriend material, but lately he’s been so sweet and caring. he has never told me he loved me before a couple of months ago after i tried breaking up with him. i can really tell he’s trying to make this relationship work, but a part of me is still holding onto the old him. the one who never really seemed to care about anyone’s feelings, not even his own. he told me in the beginning of our relationship that he doesn’t believe in breaks and that people should just break up. after i reminded him of this, he said it’s different with me because he really does want to be with me but needs space since after we hang out, he feels empty inside. that was the hardest thing for me to hear because i never want him to feel that way. i really do love him, but i feel like i keep holding onto the past when i should just let it go. i know we can be happy together, because we have been for a while. he has been telling me a lot lately that he wants to marry me and move in together very soon. before this break started, i wasn’t sure how i felt about that, but now i know i really do love him and want him in my life forever. i just hope i haven’t ruined it. march 22, 2016, 1:18 pm mareanna my boyfriend and i just had a talk about a break. we got into an argument. he has a lot going on right now with new job and divorce just finalized. he is stressed about selling his house. it’s not selling. we argued and he asked for a break. i said we don’t need to see each other anymore. he explained all of the above after i said that and a aid ok just give me a couple days. i am just so stressed out. he said he didn’t want to lose me. i’m scared. i feel like i’m thinking way to much about it not happening. i told him ok. then he left and i cried a lot. i held it in until he left. we didn’t talk about what the break means. just said give me a couple days. i feel like now that i’m writing this i’m over reacting. he isn’t asking for long. i’m thinking too much right? march 22, 2016, 6:12 am brittany me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years. this past weekend he told me he wanted to break up. i was devastated. i started to pack up my things that i had at his place and he kept telling me to sit down so we could talk this out. then he decided to tell me that he has felt miserable and that we are too different. i got more upset and really started to grab my stuff quickly to just get it over with. i gave him back his key and was getting ready to leave when i saw a bunch of pictures and cards i had gave him and i went and threw them away. he got more upset and started crying. he grabbed me and hugged me and told me he loves me and that he thinks he might just need a break. he told me that he loves me and just needs some time but he isn’t sure how long. my heart hurts so much and part of me feels like i should just end it but the other and much stronger part feels like i should respect his wishes and things might turn around. we have literally spent almost every weekend together since we have gotten together and it had started to really feel like we needed to take a break from it but neither of us said anything because we were afraid to hurt the other person. i’m hoping some time apart is the answer but i’m not really that sure. it just really sucks because we have had a few things planned in the next few weeks such as a hockey game and a wedding to attend and we have booked our flight and hotel for our two year anniversary. he’s been kind of distant for a month or so but there’s been a lot of things going on in regards to my family so i wonder if he feels slighted because i haven’t been around so much. i really do love him but i don’t know what to do and i really don’t want to get hurt even more than i already am. i haven’t talked to him since sunday and have been crying non-stop. i also wonder if he feels the pressure to get engaged because my family has really been pushing it and it’s gotten into my head too which i’m sure has freaked him out. as much as i love him, i can’t get married anytime soon because i’m not emotionally or financially ready. i want to text him or call him so bad just to talk to him and see if he even misses me but this article makes me think maybe space is the only option. i really have no clue what to do… march 22, 2016, 3:34 am nancy okay, so glad that i read this article. i have been dating a guy for about a year and almost a half. he was my first boyfriend and i fell madly in love with him. we even said i love you to eachother before he officially started to date. we talked about our future together and how much he wants to be my husband and father to all of the animals we want together. we spent every second of our day together just being with eachother and being so in love. after 6 months or so, i noticed that i started to become insecure about things, such as gaining weight and being “that girl” asking are you gonna break up with me (because we started to disagree a lot). we looked past the bad times and had a lot of good times together. traveling, going to cool nature spots, we were madly in love and going to see him in his hometown in the summer months made me fall more madly in love with him. we started dating back in november of 2014. earlier this year he said that he had needed more time to himself and that we should spend less time together. totally hurt my feelings, but i loved him dearly and forgave him, i expressed how much it hurt me and he felt terrible about hurting my feelings. over the next month (january-february) i noticed that i would go home crying a lot because we would either fight real bad about something so stupid, or i would be mad at him about something minor. i did notice that we spent way to much time together to the point where i had lost contact with my best friends. i knew that we had to take some time apart so i suggested that we take a break to find out what we really wanted. he agreed but said that he wants to be with me, so we didn’t talk about it again. well just two weeks ago he said that the relationship isn’t working and that he wants a break to focus on school. i noticed before then that he had been a little distant and not as affectionate as he used to be. we used to have sex like 3 times a day when we first started to date, then it turned into me being scared i was pregnant so we stopped. eventually i got over that fear and we started hooking up again a lot. after he had expressed more time apart, i noticed we didn’t have sex as much as we used to because he was worried about his hard classes. i just believed him and i know that there is no one else in the picture, and no im not defending him, but hes not the type to be chasing up girls skirts. after he mentioned the break, i was devastated, i still am and i am constantly blaming my actions for the cause of all this. i mean yeah we would argue quite a bit, but i would always look past it because i truly loved him and the idea of us together. now things have been awkward in person, but he always seems to be excited to see me. we talked everyday after he wanted a break and still said our goodnight and goodmorning texts and still called eachother babe and hunny and our cute nicknames, now that spring break has past, and we didn’t talk all week, it seems as thought things are still weird. we agreed that we would take the spring break to focus on ourselves and just figure out what we wanted, i saw him in class today and he seemed fine and still hugged me and said he loved me, but now im getting to a point in where i don’t want to wait until the end of the semester (the time we agreed to figure out what we wanted) and i want to know where we stand. i noticed also when we were dating, i would want to talk about feelings a lot and i wanted that reassurance that everything was okay. i started to become totally insecure and thought that he was gonna break up with me and i started to ask a lot if he was. my mistake. everyone i have talked to tells me to walk away and not to talk to him, but my heart wants to be with him and look past this. im going crazy not knowing whether we have broken up, or if this is a break. i go back and forward with do i really want to be with him again or if i want to move on. we have a class together so i am bound to see him twice a week. if anyone has any advice or wants to chat about their situation, please do. i have noticed that talking about my situation with people has helped relieve some of the anxiety. i am for sure not a trained psychologist or therapist but i am in school for counciling and i do want to help those in need. if anyone wants to chat or has advice on my situation or wants advice, please please do. march 21, 2016, 7:17 pm hannah i have been dating a guy for a little over 8 months, it was a happy, healthy relationship. we were in love, we both shared mutual feelings about how we want to spend our lives together and all that sort of stuff. but five days ago, out of absolutely nowhere, he broke up with me because he said he hasn’t been feeling, acting, or thinking like himself and he needs time for himself to think. this, of course, hurt me really bad and for the past five days i’ve been an emotional wreck. i love him a lot, and i miss him like heck, and all i want is for him back, but i want him to feel better too. we went 3 days with absolutely no contact until one night he texted me, and we’ve been texting a little since then and i am handeling the situation awfully but hounding him with questions like “do you still love me?” “do you miss me?” which he just replies “idk… i can’t think straight” i realize now that i shouldn’t be contacting him at all but it’s so hard because i want him in my life so bad. and my head fills up with bad thoughts that he doesn’t care about me anymore and he’s moved on when just 5 days ago i was “his girl.” i’m very lost and confused and i have been talking to other friends who are helping but all i want is assurance from him that he still loves me and he’ll come back, even though i know i should not be asking and he probably will not give that to me at the moment. anyone have any advice on how i should handle this situation and if i should hold on and he’ll come back or just move on even though what we had was very special and he was just telling me how much he loves me. march 21, 2016, 4:41 pm caitlin going through the same thing exactly. i drove by my boy’s house last night and another girl was there with him at 1 am. i called him and cried but all it did was push him away. definitely take this time to give him space because its all you can do. try to keep your head up. i wish the best for you two march 30, 2016, 11:42 am he needs a day for himself my boyfriend for 6 months and i have been through a rollercoaster. he has been cheating on me and i the same , but we were close and still enjoyed our time together. since last month i have been over his place quiet often , i cry a lot we argue and he always finds a way to make it better. i know this might sound dumb of me i know he loves me, i have been clingy for the past month and pretty nagging. anyways last night we spoke and he said he needs a day for himself , a break and he told me i need to learn how to chill and just forget everything. he told me he wants to start over , but he needs a break to see how to make this work. i asked if he wants to break up , he said no, he wants this to work but we both need to change . what should i do to stop being clingy , i find it hard. march 15, 2016, 11:46 am kate thank you for this article, im currently experiencing this with my boyfriend, and not really dealing with the situation very well. as he is going though some stuff and, like most men, is finding it hard to communicate. however, i dont believe that my boyfriend wants to break up with me, he is just use to dealing with things on his own. before i met him 1 year ago i had been single for 8 years, i guess im still figuring our how to coincide with this person in my life too. march 3, 2016, 5:40 pm krystal right now i’m in his phase of “i need time to think and figure things out in my life”. i asked him if he wanted to break up and he just said he needs time to think.. i asked him if he wanted me to give up and he said he has feelings for me but doesn’t want to keep my hopes up in case it doesn’t work out since he is so overwhelmed with family issues and me moving away.. of course i freaked out until i realized that no matter what i tell him i will get the same answer of ” i need time to think”so i dropped the questioning and just left him with a last text message to contact me if he ever wants to talk. i don’t know if i’m doing the right thing and this may really be the end of our relationship since i moved away to study on a graduate school and he is having family problems, it just looks like trouble. deep inside this is killing me since i have no one to talk to in this foreign country and its hard keeping a straight poker face while missing him and loving him so much.. but i guess now i can focus on my studies more and enjoy new experiences on my own… its been a week or so and i do get sad when i’m alone but at least now i don’t have that feeling that i did something wrong, and its a weird combination, but now i feel sad and relax. i don’t know how long this break time will take and i guess its time to move on since it doesn’t feel like he will contact me any time soon.. i just hope i have enough strength to stick with the no contact thing.. if its meant to be it will be if not i guess there will be something better waiting for me… trying to stay positive! march 2, 2016, 11:18 pm belle well i was actually the one who said we needed a break. i honestly think i hurt his feelings… he’s been gone for a day no communication. he told his aunt that she wants a break why would i answer her calls and texts if she wants s break.. i was just so mad. i don’t like breaks lol. i promise i’ll never say that again february 23, 2016, 10:48 pm jen im going thru this break now since my bf wanted a break to figure out what he really wants. he said he’s never been like this with a girl before and he’s never liked a girl this much (we’ve been dating for a year now), he was always happy being a single guy and now he’s with me and things are getting more serious. the thing is he’s the one that texts me during the break coz he said he’s afraid that i might forget him. im not sure if we should keep texting coz i want him to live his previous life without me to see if he’s happy with it, that said, we should stop seeing and texting each other too. i want him to completely figure his shit out. not sure what to do now… february 19, 2016, 10:44 pm mel my boyfriend and i just recently went on a break. it’s only been about 4 days with zero communication and i’m going insane. i miss him like absolute crazy and i’m scared he doesn’t miss me. he said the break is our last option because he’s not sure he is in love with me. he said he loves me and would do anything for me but he’s not sure if his feelings for me are all there anymore. my heart is slowly breaking. i want to call him but i’m not sure if i should or not? can someone please give me some advice or reassurance? february 18, 2016, 12:26 am jess omg hey my bf and i just went on a break too 4 days ago! that was 2 days before valentine i guess. he also told me that he isn’t sure about his feelings for me. :( i think we should talk to each other through this really hard time :( february 18, 2016, 11:31 am ola hey guys, im in a similar situation. did your men end up talking to you? what happened? march 15, 2016, 2:22 pm sandra so sorry to hear that… i’m going through the same myself. is everything okay now? big hug! march 15, 2016, 3:20 pm lily my boyfriend and i had been dating each other for 8 months and out of nowhere he wanted to break up with me and said that he had to fix himself before being with me and that it was all him and not me. it hit me so hard because we were living together and packing all our memories away just made me miss him even more. he keeps telling me that “hopefully” sometime in the future that we’ll somehow find each other again and last night he said that in a months time we can grab a coffee. i honestly think the problem was that we jumped into moving in together too fast, we were yo ung and in love! i kept telling him “how could you do this and give up on us?!” when i really should of just supported his decision because he was battling his own demons. we text here and there but only when it’s something important, never really the “how are you?” texts anymore. every time we talk through texts he’ll keep it short and then he’ll say “sorry i have to go” maybe it’s because all i want to do is talk to him when he’s trying to be alone and fix himself.. he says he doesn’t forgive himself after putting me through the arguments in our relationship and saying that all he did was make me sad but i straight up told him that the relationship wasn’t a mistake and that it was the best 8 months of my life. i just hope that when we meet up for coffee and in a weeks time when he picks up all the boxes of our with photos and gifts he’ll slowly open up to me and we can slowly reconnect. everyone says i should be careful and just move on but when you love someone so much and it wasn’t you that was the one who ended the relationship how can you just remove those feelings instantly? february 14, 2016, 11:51 pm aliyah i’m actually going through this also. me and my boyfriend have been together for a few months and he told me the exact same thing. he says it was his fault that things are going wrong and i try to reassure him that it’s two in a relationship and i am apart of the chaos also. i recently talked to my best friend about what i should do and she said do what he says, give him his space. if he cares enough, he’ll come back. i know it’s hard cause you get so committed to a person that when they leave you think about any scenario you can do to get them back. but truth is everyone needs space. i’m pretty sure he just feels overwhelmed. give it time. sounds like he really loves you but is just confused right now. let time heal and whenever he texts you why don’t you initiate the “how are you” text. don’t smother him. let him know that no matter what, you’re there for him. i’m trying to do the same. i hope this helps! february 26, 2016, 1:56 pm melissa my boyfriend and i were perfect; any issue we had we resolved it together, we’ve been dating almost a year and a half. but then he started having problems in school, and they got so bad he isn’t sure what to do anymore. i gave him time to think if he wanted to stay together or not, and he decided he wanted to be on what he calls a “pause”. he decided he wants a future with me for sure, but he just needs time to focus on himself and get himself back together right now. we didn’t set a time frame, but he still wants to talk and basically just act as friends in the meantime, like if i need support or anything he’ll be there. honestly so far it’s been hell for me, i don’t know if he’s feeling better or not. if i see him i never know how to act. all of this hurts… i don’t text him unless he texts first, and it feels weird talking to him differently. am i doing the right thing or just putting myself through a lot of pain? february 13, 2016, 9:51 pm gin please kindly help too. i’m going through the same with my boyfriend who being together for 2 months. he went missing on sunday and sent me a message at night, saying that “he just had dinner wf lateents and had lots of stuff to think, future, money and what he want. also said that he need some time to think. then he went disappeared for 4 days already and no read and on my messages. i only sent him a few cheering quotes and not pushing him. please comment what can i do for now. i didn’t call him yet coz i still believe in him that he would find me back shortly :) however, i feel panic and do miss him very much. helpppppp january 28, 2016, 2:19 am sydney help… i’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks now… everyone told me he was an amazing person and he will never do anyone wrong and he’s a real mature guy and that i should really consider giving him a chance… so i did. we were inseparable for a month, never fought and always laughed. had great dinners with the parents and got along great with the siblings…. he’s a marine so he had to go back to japan for stationing…. before leaving he had to “check in a base” which was 7 hours away… he wanted to spend new years together so i drove 7 hours so he could have a good time with me and our friends… he began to become very unappreciative. he talked to this girl more than me and it really hurt my feelings because i do a lot for him…. anyway, we worked it all out and i took him to the airport to fly to japan…. the whole time he has been over there he has been very distant and just plain out not the same guy. i kindly asked him why it was hard to show his feelings for me over there (because he did when we were together) and he turned it into a huge twist… basically made his wrong doings mine…. i tried to fix it and make things work… he said “give it a few days and we will see”…. then the next day he said he wasn’t doing this and that he wasn’t the guy for me and that i should just let it go…. i didnt understand and i got upset… so he then said again “we will give it a few days and see”…. and i haven’t talked to him sense… he went from give it a few days to no im not doing this to give it a few days again… and i don’t understand what’s going on. january 21, 2016, 12:01 pm kaitlynn i’m going through a ” break ” stage in my relationship, i was reading this article and it said the best way to handle a ” break ” is to stop cold turkey and not see each other but how can you do that when you have to see the person every day…we work with each other, i’m on 1st and he comes in on 2nd 12:30 to 9 are he’s hours,mine is 7am to 3:30pm.. i unfortunately live at home with my parents old enough to be on my own but due to medical bills have forced me to move back in with my parents and he’s living conditions we are in able to live together, he says he still cares about me but that he’s stressed out with other obligations he has to take care of and to take a ” break ” would be the best thing while he sorts every thing out,he did mention about working things back out come spring/summer when hopefully we will be able to move in together… but again how can these ” break ” happen if we see each other every day? :-/ any advice would be nice… thank you january 19, 2016, 3:02 pm ann thanx alot,,i realy needed the advice january 18, 2016, 9:36 am randy my boyfriend of two years told me he needed a break, that he was burnt out. that was three days ago, just 4 days after telling me that maybe he should just be alone – being in a relationship is too hard and too much work. that was in the midst of a vacation together. we’ve had our challenges over time, but i helped him work through a lot of issues and he has repeatedly thanked me for helping him to become a better person (as he has done for me in many ways as well). but, sometimes he can be a different person, distant, defensive and lacking consideration, which is when the problems always arise. that is the opposite of his normal self, which is so loving, caring, thoughtful and amazing. i love him so much, but my response to this “break” was to tell him that i consider this a “break up”. i don’t believe that a break can resolve our issues. perhaps a break is fine if one of the people in the relationship has something that they need to focus on, like school, work or an ill relative. however, it needs to be defined and have a timeframe. an open ended break is bs. you are either in love and committed to the relationship or you are not. you solve problems together by communicating, not by being apart. like others have said, the fear is that he does this again. in all honesty, this isn’t the first time he has withdrawn, but he has always been the one to reach out after just a few days and reconnect. if it happens this time, i don’t want to give him another chance – i cannot have my heart broken again. i think i am strong enough (and have been burnt by him enough) that i can end it for good. please pray for me and wish me luck! excellent article! january 10, 2016, 12:20 pm natalie i will. i’m going through the same thing. except in may it would have been 4 years together. he says i made him more open to life. he says he needs a break to clear his head, but i find myself between wanting to text him and call him, and breaking up for good. i don’t know what to do.it;’s the first break he’s asked…i definitely am the girl they described in this article. good luck being strong <3 january 16, 2016, 12:13 am paris hey natalie, i’m going through the same thing as you. my boyfriend just told me this last night and i’m freaking out. i also don’t know what to do at this moment. january 16, 2016, 10:10 am sherece my boyfriend of 4.5 years who i live with just asked for space last night. he’s been depressed about not meeting his goals and doing better in life. i disagree that taking a break is necessary because a relationship thrives off of communication especially during the hard times. we’ve been going through a tough year and he says he doesn’t know what it will take to get him out of this depression other than taking time apart. my heart’s in limbo between wanting to give him space and wanting to end it because i don’t want to be taken for granted. february 5, 2016, 2:35 pm samantha hi natalie, i’m in the same boat. my bff and i will have been together 4 years in may. i told him i wasn’t happy anymore and i felt like i had lost myself and that he had lost his way too and that we maybe needed some time apart. he agreed and we went our seperate ways. he moved back to his family so i don’t know how much ‘working on himself’ he is going to get done but that’s not for me to dictate. i find myself really focused during the week but weekend comes around and i want to call or text because my mind isn’t occupied. i haven’t done it and after reading this article i’ve decided i wont. i’m scared because i do love him and i want this break to work i’m just worried it won’t work out. hoping for the best, preparing for the worst i guess. march 8, 2016, 4:48 am wakas did it workout? are ypu guys back together? or talking? march 22, 2016, 6:27 am dalia i need help my boyfriend told me he needs space but he still contacts me and he tells me he don’t know what he wants but he loves me his overwhelmed with bills and he don’t know if me beeing his life will be okay or we will go back to arguing he just tells me he needs space and we could still talk that his one msg away. i don’t know what he wants should i not talk to him anymore and text him that i can’t do it that anymore. january 9, 2016, 11:16 am mary ann n. i need advice. my fiance decided we needed to take a break for a few weeks then regroup. we are in a long distance relationship and i swear this man is the most wonderful man i have ever known. i am madly deeply in love with him. he told me i was the best he’s ever had. anyway, if we are on a break, does this mean i can’t wish him a happy birthday on his birthday? please help! january 6, 2016, 2:44 am mj wish him a happy birthday but otherwise avoid texting him unless he texts you. january 8, 2016, 6:29 pm emm taking a break is not an option. you’re either in or you’re out. you can’t and shouldn’t string anyone along like that. and how long is long enough? how does anyone know when the break is over? are you supposed to sit there and wait a week, a month, two months? if there’s problems, they should get fixed (if fixable) and that requires two people, not one. don’t let the door hit you on the way out. january 4, 2016, 7:32 pm michelle my husband & i have been married for 3 years now. we have 2 children & 1 more on the way in less than 2 weeks. he just now decided that he isn’t ready to be married. he says he is still young (25) & wants to still be out “partying”. he says he needs to get it out of his system. hes always in & out of prison, since he was 18. so of course he wants his freedom & yes he is young. myself as well (24). but as a mother my choice is to be by my kids side & never give up. no matter how difficult it may be. he says he doesn’t know what he wants. that he still loves me & wants to be wit me but he is afraid he will hurt me. & he knows that i don’t deserve that. he asked that i give him space but still wants to live in my home. i can’t allow that because it just isn’t fair to me & i’m afraid that he’s just going to use me for a place to stay until he can find somewhere else to go. i’m so confused myself & don’t know what to do. december 31, 2015, 6:51 pm york really sorry i’ve been distant lately, i just haven’t really got over everything from the baby thing. im so confused at the moment. no idea what i want anymore. im just really struggling with things, and just a bit down all the time. not sure what’s wrong with me. i know you won’t agree but i think we should take a break from one another. i need time to get my head straight and figure out what i want etc. sorry to drop this on you by text, i just really need some time on my own. i do love you and lily, but im just not myself at the mo. ive had bouts of depression in the past, and thats why ive been single for long periods of time. i’m best on my own. i just need time on my own to work through things. sorry. xxxxx december 28, 2015, 3:20 am roseintexas ladies if your man needs a break its simple he’s probably interested in someone else. take this time for you be with friends and make time for yourself. not talking so much about marriage my daughter went on dates her boyfriend said he wanted a break. she started dating and he came back now she’s not committed she realized he is not mature and she’s taking it slow. when you give up your life and forget about your family and friends you become boring and he’ll move on . you must always put you first and god if your religious then the rest. you need to bring something to the relationship give him his space good luck ladies. december 22, 2015, 10:48 pm patty to roseintexas…….you should not be saying that hes probably interested in someone else…that is sooo so wrong…..men need to go into their caves….its a naturall thing….they are stressed or confused about their relationship at times…..but for u to say they are seeing somebody else makes you a a horrible person to give advice or s,,,,,stay away from the computer…..you are a negative uneducated person….and doing alot of people wrong ideas march 2, 2016, 7:37 pm josie thank you- i was not even thinking about him wanting to see someone else and it was a poisonous thought to put into my head so thank you for taking the time to reassure women that all men are not the same. march 19, 2016, 1:21 pm taylor i have been dating this guy for about 9 months now. i am not a relationship person, so dating somebody for even that long is a big deal for me. everything was perfect and we were so happy, then out of nowhere he said he starting having some doubts. i couldn’t tell if he was in contact with an ex, his friends psyched him out, or that we were actually getting really serious and it freaked him out. for the past 2 weeks he has been going back and forth with me on this emotional roller coaster. one day he says he’s not 100% the next day he is so sorry, i treat him so well and wants to fight to work through all of this. just making things hard for me when he says he does love me and spending time with me. i feel he is just confused, insecure, and afraid of his feelings. he said he doesn’t want to break up but take a break till after i go on vacation… i don’t even know what a break means. i can tell when i look into his eyes he is so conflicted. i am beyond heart broken and blind sided by the entire thing. i have never had this many feelings about somebody before so it makes it so much harder for me. do i spend this time trying my hardest to get over him? or hold on to the fact that i love him and hope he realizes that he made a mistake and that we should be together. i am going crazy thinking about where it all went wrong! december 22, 2015, 12:00 pm molly taylor, i’m in the same situation and have been struggling with it for a week now. i’m still holding on to hope that he will come back. particularly since he said he loves me and couldn’t say goodbye. my mind also goes to dark places, which makes me feel like it’s over. i really wish it didn’t hurt so much. if only i had a crystal ball to tell me the future. keep me posted on your situation. december 28, 2015, 10:11 pm choop i’m. in the same situation and to be honest i miss him like crazy. my mind is completely on the mode of him breaking up with me even though he said he just wanted some time off and will see me in a week. but who knows you know? i flipped over the phone a thousand times looking at the screen to see him active and feeling like oh at least i can get hold of him a little bit, feeling so pathetic that i can’t even tell him i miss him… january 2, 2016, 2:33 am molly hang in there it’s super difficult, but it has gotten easier focusing on fun things to do and hanging out with friends constantly. just load up your calendar with lots of events. i’ll keep you posted because i’m meeting up with him around jan 13th (aka plenty of time after the holidays for him to think). stay strong and just text and call anyone but him. january 2, 2016, 4:23 pm maryann827 so weird because i am going thru the same exact thing with my bf january 6, 2016, 12:51 am sarah i am in the same situation. my boyfriend of 3 years had been picking silly fights for the last few months, told me last wednesday that he had cheated on me in the shop we own together. i’m devastated but love him so much. i told him that i forgave him but he wants to be just friends for a while. it’s really hard, i forgive easily and tend to see things in black and white. we are either a couple or not/own a house together or not/run a business together etc. we are still living together and working together. i feel so sad, he says that he really appreciates my help, he wouldn’t have been able to manage the business without me. we had so many plans for the future, i retrained in order to get a better job and move abroad in the future with him and we have worked so hard together to set the business up. he still talks to me as though we have a future, e.g. buying a car together, having his mum to stay with us in the summer (she lives abroad and can’t travel much due to ill health so it would be a really big deal for her to come). but he also says that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment and doesn’t want any intimacy with me. i have seen him watching porn for 5 hours a night, he says he longs for a woman to cuddle but doesn’t want it from me at the moment. he has indicated that he wants to stay friends for a while and see how it goes. if i can prove to him that i can stay calm and act mature then he may come back to me. i find it difficult and am naturally a very anxious person so this involves so much self control. reading this article has really helped. women see things so differently to men. i will be much more mindful to give him space in the evenings now. if i’m not at work with him, i don’t tend to contact him unless it’s important. he is naturally very charming and now he has admitted to kissing another woman last week, i think it’s going to be hard to regain that trust. does anyone else feel like they are not sure they are doing the right thing? one side of me desperately wants him back as i would be lost without him, but another side is questioning whether it’s worth it. there’s no guarantee that he will come back to me and i can’t move on with my life and plan what to do until i have that answer. we have had so much stress recently, i half feel relieved that if we broke up, i wouldn’t have that stress anymore and would pull out of the business completely, but then again, i love him so much and want more than anything to be happy with him and to prosper. time is a great healer, i just wish it would go a bit faster so i can get my answers! december 21, 2015, 7:12 am gabriela you sound like a really sweet person. and you sound like you put in a lot more thought and effort to your relationship than he does. please realize how sweet and wonderful your are. any man would feel lucky to be with you. but you have to respect yourself more. you are putting up with someone who is using you. you are probably a great ego boost for him. ego boost yourself! it will be a challenge to have a life without him. to me, he sounds like a leech but you also sound strong enough to make a life of your own. best of luck! wish you much self-love <3 january 27, 2016, 12:41 pm kelly my “ex” boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 2 teats and yesterday actually (out of no where) decided we should break up because he needs to sort things out in his life. like “finding himself”, changing the things he does not like about himself, and working on what’s his passion which is music. he says that at this moment he can’t fully commit to me and be all about me because he’s constantly thinking about other things. we moved out together about 5 months ago which is even harder because we have furniture the apartment all together… i really saw myself marrying this guy. he says he loves me and still is in love with me but i guess he doesn’t wanna drag me around or idk. i was literally heart broken and torn into pieces and still am. i’m glad i’m really this article, i know it won’t be easy because this person is my first love, we’ve been together for almost 2 years but i guess this was gods plan. december 13, 2015, 8:36 pm taylor kelly, i am in the same boat as you, almost. my “ex boyfriend and i have been together for a little over a year. he’s my second love, a little older than me, and this man means the world to me. i, too, saw myself marrying this man because of the connection we have. however, about a little over a month ago, he ended it with me. i wasn’t sure if it was a break or a break up. he talked to me before this saying he might need to take a break from our relationship because of x, y and z. he, himself, has a lot of stress going on in his life, more than i really knew. i was very defensive when he said he couldn’t be with me. i took it as though he didn’t love me, and didn’t care about me. however, after we talked a couple days later, he said he still loved me and always will. that him calling off our relationship right now is his way of showing me that he cares about me. he doesn’t want to string me along, nor drag me down with him. he wants to figure out all the stresses he has going on on his own. he’s literally my best friend. the best thing i can do is understand his need for space and alone time. do i cry? hell yeah. do i get annoyed and aggravated? yes, yes i do. but it’s all part of the process. i’ve had some of my greatest friends by my side during all of this to help me cope with it. try doing things you have maybe been scared to do or didn’t have the time to do because you made time for him. for me, i have really bad anxiety. so i’ve started coloring, which has really helped. i’m looking up free online classes in my major to help me get more situated with my future. we never know what the future holds, so don’t give up hope. you can always hang on to hope, just keep pushing your life forward in the process. december 19, 2015, 9:52 pm haley ok so this guy i was talking to pretty seriously for about 2 months just decided to tell me the other day that he still needed to get over his ex that had cheated on him. we were supposed to hangout the day it all happened and then he said “we need to talk” and that’s when it all started. he said what made him realize he needed space with me was the one day that i stayed the night at his house. he said i was the first person to since his ex. and he said he was uncomfortable with me staying but he was the one who wanted me to which doesn’t make sense to me. i’m really sad about it because he said he wants space and he said we will see how things go in the future and stuff like that. and he also told me i wasn’t a rebound or anything. so i’m wondering if there’s anything i can do because we talked every single day all day and now it’s just all taken away ): i already miss him a lot ): i even met his family and he met mine ): do you think i should give him his space for now and try in text him in like a month or something?? december 9, 2015, 10:26 am mariah okay so i’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and he recently just decided to end it because i did something stupid that scared him away i’m not going to say what i did because it is personal but i did not cheat on him or anything like that, i love him with all of my heart and i’m the crazy one and can’t stay away and can’t do the no contact so he blocked me and i went to see him today to get the rest of my stuff and give him his christmas present if it was really over but he said he needed time to himself and he said a minimum of 3 months and that’s a long time for me and him we’ve never spent more than a month apart and i’m thinking that if i do give him like 2 weeks hopefully he will see that he can’t do it, he did not want my christmas gift i gave to him so hopefully he comes back around before christmas but i don’t know and i asked him if he loves me and he said deep down and i said do you love me right now and he said i don’t know but he hugged me and kissed and then forced me to leave i never did end up grabbing my stuff so my stuff is still there, i just need help or any advice on what to do, i’m not the person who can do no contact if you can’t tell already but i don’t want this to be the end our relationship was not like other people’s and my question is do any of you reading this think it’s a break or break up and will he get back together with me or not and what should i do in the mean time and will it really be 3 months? december 8, 2015, 12:33 pm suna flynn i just finished reading bob grant book and wrote an e-mail yesterday to my boyfriend that wanted a break. and in the e-mail i have done everything wrong: telling him i need him and i will be here when he needs me. luckily i did said ” i have chosen to be with you” but does it helps? am i losing him altogether now? i have said in the e-mail i will let things be. should i move on? december 2, 2015, 10:54 pm kelly i am currently at day one of the break. my “boyfriend” got tired because everything seems to be going wrong with our relationship and we were having arguments. however we never had actual live arguments but those through fb which i believe make it worse. he told me he wanted a break the exact words being “i want a break, not goodbye but a break” and said something that it would do us good and to help us show how much we care for each other. i’m really confused and very upset. i’m preparing myself for the worse tough. if you have any taughts please comment! december 2, 2015, 1:39 pm polet in the same situation,hope all goes well for you :) december 4, 2015, 4:53 am mimmi same situation but my” bf” in the middle of the ”break” was my birthday , my bf brought me flowers gifts and cake and did for me a surprise birthday i was so happy but even after the birthday he just continued his break ! i’m so confused :'( december 14, 2015, 4:23 pm payton yeah today is day one of the “break” and my birthday and christmas is in 9 days ( christmas ) and 12 days ( bday) and i did nothing wrong. and i already have his christmas present that he’s been wanting for a long time . its hurtful because we we’re do close. december 16, 2015, 8:37 pm steph hey kelly.. i’m going through the same. did you guys get back together? august 27, 2016, 8:38 pm victoria i think am a that wants a break really only wants to have sex with other women. why else would he push his current prospect of sex away? to find another, and another, and another. these types of men grow old lonely, usually as an alcoholic that thinks he’s the best thing since butter. he’s really not worth a damn cent. tell him to go blow himself, and find a man that will truly love and cherish you. he’d never have to second guess your significance. n ovember 29, 2015, 1:09 am lucy i am, going through this myself.. we were, friends, sometimes see other. we went out before.. i found, out through social media. its difficult, for me it kinda hurts. i txt him, the in afternoon.. no response. my friend, didn’t want to talk me. but it’s fine, i really don’t want to talk to him. it’s better, to let it be.. move forward, with positiveness. thanks sabrina, this article helps!!.. really it, does.. lucy san jose | california november 28, 2015, 9:22 pm max as hard as it is cold turkey is the best way to go. am struggling with this myself at present. met a guy about 7 weeks ago. i know we were really into each other but on a connection level he would connect and pull back but other than that we seemed to have a good foundation to start something that could become meaningful. about 10 days ago i started to get the ‘pull back’ vibe. i knew the conversation that was coming and just couldn’t quite understand it. it was quite bizarre. anyway, experience had me prepared. i did all the right things. respected his need to ‘give it a rest’ and that he had some ‘doubts’. i thanked him for his honesty and told him that he wouldn’t hear from me again and wished him all the best in dealing with ‘his problem’ as i couldn’t see what any of it had to do with me. it looked to me like he was subconsciously sabotaging a good thing. anyway, i am into the 10th day of 30 day no contact. it is driving me nuts! however, the quickest way to get this back on track and set the rules for the go forward, if there is going to be a go forward is to withdraw immediately. leaving the door completely open only creates the opportunity to take there time and waste your emotions and care. i hope he will return but if he doesn’t then all the contact in the world is not going to change the outcome. it will be what it will be. november 23, 2015, 1:49 am esteph wow this article really helped me relax and take things under perspective. i qas the one who proposed the break in my relationship because he wanted to break up. he saw compromising message i wrote my ex and flipped out. he says he loves me but he is really hurt and he is tired of my ex being a problem in our relationship. on my defense i was up front since the beginning that i had just broken up when we met and he is very insecure so he has gone through my whatsapp and mail and found some things he worries about(nothing i have done) except this message i sent one day i felt blue and exhaled my provlems to my ex. anyway, i started a scrapbook and im gonna be without contact until december 25th hopefully he will contact me before that. i will give him the scrapbook of how i felt and our relationship that day. im decided to not contact him anymore because i did today and he sounded pissed off still. he says he feels like a dumbass because of what i did. anyway i really love him. hope he loves me too for real. xoxo ps: i will read this article everytime i wanna call him. thanks sabrina!! dominican republic loves ya! november 11, 2015, 9:12 pm kate honestly, i was never a break type of girl. i think they’re scary and there’s always one person who cares a little bit more and they end up getting hurt. that being said, i’ve been dating this guy for a while and taking things very slow because we were both in serious relationships prior to, and they ended pretty bad, they ended with both of us being cheated on… we recovered and then we met through a mutual friend, and started dating, taking it super slow and easy. he’s recently been so insanely overwhelmed with work and school and he doesn’t handle the stress well, so he asked for a break because he couldn’t give the relationship the attention it needs or deserves to make it the relationship he wants it to be. he said several times it’s just for a couple of weeks and that when he gets work and school under control he wants to try again “it’s only a couple of week.” “yes, yes i want to try again in a couple of weeks.” i asked and made it super clear that it’s just a break and not a break up and he agreed, just a little break for a couple of weeks. i’m scared. terrified really. because i don’t like breaks, i don’t really believe in them, but to me, he’s absolutely worth the terrifying break. he’s worth being scared and nervous for. i trust him, and i just really don’t want to walk away from this yet. i just really don’t know what to do. i asked him about guidelines and he said “i’m not sure really, we’ll talk during the week and stuff and i’ll probably see you around, but we’ll see how it goes.” really, what does that even mean? he knows how nervous i am right now, but how can i ask him for legitimate guidelines without seeming crazy? i know i fell in love, i never told him that, but i fell in love, and i’m scared to lose that. someone just help me out here… november 9, 2015, 11:50 am nina i think the advice in the article is really good about quitting cold turkey. my boyfriend also just wanted a break b/c he was overwhelmed, needs time alone, and wants to sort his feelings out. i’m devastated. but if your guy wants alone time, then he should be alone. stop texting him altogether, don’t make plans with him. he needs to see what his life is like without you in it and its not fair to you– he wants a break, yet he wants the comfort of texting you and being in touch. like the article says, it gives him security and he can just take his time then and that’s very unfair to you. han kan inte få sin tårta och äta den också. like i said, he needs to see what his life is like without you there and if it’s worth it to him. it’ll be superhard but you need to know that he thinks that you are worth it. i hope this helps <3 november 11, 2015, 8:54 pm jen basically he is a coward and doesn’t have the balls to break up with you so he suggests a break in hopes you’ll get so pissed off and lonely that you break up with him! november 6, 2015, 8:59 pm secrets me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 6 months and he recently decided that he think we need a break because things aren’t working out but he then said we would be back on if i sorted my problems out which i have but what should i do because he won’t to my message october 7, 2015, 7:57 am annah after loosing his mom, he deleted my photo on his facebook and some of his pictures, he started to pull away and he told me he wants a break he is stressed and so much is going on in his life. i said ok and he said he loves me. but he kept on contacting me once a day every day after his work. i cried in my room but i tried to not to iniate contacts, he tried to always ask me what i am doing and i tried to tell him i’m hanging out with my friends but when i am in bed i can’t even eat just because of depression, he tried to ask me if i am talking to other guys, but i tell him no, we tried to come back together one week back and he took me to his family reunion but still the relationship wasn’t good. i have come across this article and i think it’s the right one i am not going to him again because i don’t want to be stringed. he needs that break he asked for, i will not be there to fulfill his sexual needs when me i am just getting hurt each day. if it’s mine it will come back and i will let you know. from today no ing him however i don’t know how long i will have to wait when i am not ing him. i told him i respect his need for the breakup and i also need space to make some decisions, i also told him not to worry about me when he is making his decision in the end i will be ok. i have three guys already i am benching, i will wait a little bit to go ahead on dates because i live him but i don’t want to hurt or play around their feelings. hope he comes back with the love he had before. if he doesn’t i will never kneel before a man, i believe life goes on. june 20, 2017, 12:19 am ashleigh my boyfriend of 7 months (i know a short time) decided that he wanted a break (or time apart) just over 2 weeks ago.. he mentioned that he was feeling pressured in the relationship and i had been inconsiderate about his schedules (work and part time football) which i admit thinking back now and wishing i could have done things differently.. he had been telling everyone (families and friends) that we are just on a break for him to figure out if this is truly what he wants and wants me to do the same but he is directly telling me to let go and move on and he doesn’t feel the same way anymore.. i know it’s pretty obvious but why doesn’t he just break it off completely instead of telling me we needed time apart and a break is just time off to come back together and start again.. really confused as i don’t want to move on and i feel like walking away from him is the hardest thing i would ever have to do in my life.. ? august 26, 2015, 6:44 am billie aw hun, i’m in the exact same position as you are. my boyfriend of just over 6 months wanted a break, and i thought that everything was my fault. i was thinking ‘what did i do? what have i done wrong?’ what i’m trying to do is just distract myself, i know it’s hard, and i’ve cried so many tears over him. what i recommend to you is to just stop messaging him and don’t ask questions about what went wrong, because you’ll seem desperate and he’ll think that you’ll be there whenever he needs you, but you can’t let him think that. i know i do not want to move on…i can’t, i feel like he’s something different in my life! hopefully he’ll come to realise that your relationship was perfect, and hopefully mine will too. we just need to remember that guys have a complete different thinking process then us, i know mine is coping with a couple of his family members passing, and maybe there is something in your ones life that had happened, he might feel vulnerable and doesn’t want to seem weak. hunny i’m in the exact same position as you, but just remember that you need to stay confident and focus on yourself for a bit! i know it’s hard, it’s so hard, but just remember, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be and if he really does love you and care, he will message you or contact you, hopefully this helped, this helped with me writing it out for you and for me xxx october 9, 2015, 3:06 am kayleigh i just entered the break zone with my 2yr relationship and i certainly felt abandoned and for sure that he had been thinking it for a while. he said he wanted to focus on his job and college work for a few months that he didn’t want to delete things because he doesn’t want things to be over. but i feel that with my luck, it will be. not that it’s good to think that. he wants me to become more independant which i have been working on already but i for over a week, i could barely get past small talk because late shifts and his long sleeping took up all the time. all i asked was for was a phone call when he could and he never did when he had plenty of time to be on facebook all morning. i do feel like its a good chance to work on myself but i don’t want things to end… but im scared that it will because of the seperation. but anyway, this article has helped me for the future [next fews days] when ive stopped eating the comfort food. august 19, 2015, 11:34 am kate i’ve been seeing a guy who has been having troubles with his career development. he said he needed time away from everyone in order to figure himself out. i told him it was a good idea and since then i haven’t heard from him. it’s been a week and he used to call me 3-5 times a day. i’m giving him his space but i’m not sure if i should reach out to him. he’s still actively on social media and posts things regularly so i know he’s still alive but i guess i’m wondering if it’s okay to reach out. august 5, 2015, 4:17 pm home and child involved. please someone out there give me advice. my boyfriend and i have been together 4 years now living together for 2. we are both in out late 20’s. we had a very rocky start to our relationship because we were young, he was immature and he wasn’t sure he even wanted to even be in a relationship from the start. he moved passed that and we got serious he started giving me what i thought was a 100% i thought we were heading in a good direction to eventually being married and starting a family. i have a son from a previous (fathers not involved at all) and since we’ve been together he’s been an amazing person to my son but fought with ever wanting to be a stepdad. we’ve been through our fair share of drama. a lot having to do with him not being at the same place i was in the relationship so he’d treat it so. immaturely. not involving me in his life the way i involved him, in the beginning he treated me more like a joke but i saw past the not caring attitude because i knew he cared and it was more of front for his friends. i’m not tooting my own horn i swear, but he’ll even admit it was all his fault and that i’ve never been the source of the drama. i’m the type of girl that’s constantly doing anything and whatever to make him happy. i don’t think i’m perfect because i obviously have this huge flaw of mine i’m an absolute people pleaser, but that’s what makes me happy.. anyway, back to issue at hand lately i really thought we were happy! every part of our relationship has been great! i fought for this relationship for so long and i thought i finally got it out of him to realize what he had in front of him. i really thought he finally was giving me and my son that 100% we deserve and thought our next step was a huge commitment. but instead he approached me 4 days ago and said we needed to figure what we’re doing because he has never given me a 100% and never would…so he brought up the breaking up conversation. i love this man more than anything (besides my son). but i stewed on it for a few days and came to terms with it even though i’m deeply in love with him. we talked again last night i told him that this was the end and i couldn’t be with him if he doesn’t want me the way i want him and cant be with him who if he’s never going to give me and my son 100%.(which sucks because i thought he was…) after i told him my final decision and asked a few questions about the logistics of how to break up having a home together. he turned it around and said never mind i cant do this right now i’m not ready to let this go. we’ll figure out another way. his other way is taking a “break” to see if he can give me the 100% he wants to give me. he thinks doing something drastic like taking a break will help us. i’m not convinced…. my question to you guys is 1. what are logistics of taking a break when you live together and a child is involved? 2. and should i even be giving him the chance to “see” if he really wants to be us 100% ?? because he’s saying this is the way he’ll know if he can be with me forever. i didn’t feel in a rut and i am happy with him, but i guess he is a rut. 3. could this actually work or should counseling be a first option? – not sure how to handle this one. any advice would be nice. i really do love this guy so much, i’ve given him the 100% and everything i had since day one. is it worth one last shot or is this a cop out and he’s just using this a slow way to break up anyway? he swears he wants to make this work and be able to give me 100% and the life i want with him, but this is solution to making that happen… july 28, 2015, 4:11 pm jasmine hi guys i have been with my boyfriend for 10 years since we have been 16 i am now 26 we have 2 kids together and we have been lacking comminication and respect for each other. a few days ago he decided that he needs a break and moved to another state. he says he still loves me and wants to be with me but feels that we need this time apart to fix this. this is the first time ever we have been apart. i am confused hurt and don’t know if this is the end . is there still hope or will he give up on the relationship . i love him more than a anything amd he says he can never be with anyone else but i feel as if he is wanting to shut me out and maybe move on july 28, 2015, 9:50 am alesia i just want to make sure everything is ok this is what he said to me (good morning, i’m sorry i haven’t been saying a whole lot lately. i’ve just been trying to keep to myself and do some thinking. the truth is i’m really overwhelmed right now with everything and it’s keeping me stressed out. that being said i think i really need a break from things. and i know that’s the most selfish thing i can say, because you’ve been nothing short of awesome to me and the girls. it’s just something i need to do for myself so i can be better and not have all of these up and down moments. so i think it would be best if for right now we broke things off for a while. by no means am i saying we’re done forever, god knows i do care alot about you, i just want the time to myself so i can really commit. i’m tru ly sorry alesia, because i know this message is going to break your heart, and that’s the last thing you deserve and it’s the last thing i would want to do to you. but as i said for right now i think it’s for the best. i’m really sorry.) july 22, 2015, 2:04 pm melissa so i just got out of a 8 year but really bad relationship and i started dating someone else we have been dating for 3 months and almost 2 weeks ago things started getting a little weird we were glued to the hip for two months straight. everything was perfect he said all the right things he told me he was the luckiest man in the world because he had me but after my breakup i lost everything my house and my job. i feel horrible i have never been in this situation and now my boyfriend is starting to be distant said he needs to focus on work since he slacked the last 2 months. i feel like since i lost everything now he is pushing me away also he says its not me it’s him but it’s hard to believe that and even though its only been 3 months i fell in love with him so yes i do tell him i love him but he doesn’t say it back i think i may be moving too fast for him because he is also just got out of a relationship of 3 years. but i cannot help my feelings for him he’s perfect to me he treating me like nobody ever has. i don’t know what to do somebody please help me i am over emotional can’t sleep at night i text him and don’t get a response he called me his girlfriend introduced me to his family and friends and now when i went to kiss him he turned his cheek and says he doesn’t want to lead me on what kind of bs is that i don’t know what to do somebody please respond. he does have to work a lot have hours 6 to 7 days a week and barely gets time to eat anything so it makes them grouchy and tired i feel so bad and even though i’m going through my own issues i would think we should be there for each other because that is what people do when they care about one another july 18, 2015, 6:14 am confused hi there, my boyfriend of 4 years has decided to break up with me because he wants to join the army. which i am being supportive over. he just thinks that it will be better if i move on. but i dont want to. hes been a huge part of my life and i get that he is trying to be noble but this is actually physically and mentally destroying me right now. he said that he is confused and just needs to get his life sorted and that he still loves me and we can have a future together but just not right now. he is also very insecure and suffering from some depression. he feels like he is never worthy of anything but i just want him to try and stay with me then he can have the best of both worlds… be with me and have a caree he wants. im not exactly sure why he is joining, i feel like he is just trying to prove to either himself or someone else that he is capable. im just lost and confused he said to give him some time but i feel like the more time i give the more time he will enjoy life without me… any advice would be amazing. july 17, 2015, 1:49 am nika hello. if you love him that much to stay with him no matter what. your doing good! having a mate go to the army is emotional. best advice. if he no longer want to continue the relationship. try being a friend. still support him etc. but be respectful of his decision. have confidence with or without him. have understanding that the career chosen has many mixed emotions when in a relationship. july 26, 2015, 2:02 am ana me n my bf broke up its been 4 weeks he texted me the first day after are brake up since that we dirrint had contact then i was cleaning around n i found some papers of his so i send him a email since then we been sending emails it got to a point that he told me he needs time to clear his mind i need advice what should i do now june 15, 2015, 2:19 am andrea my boyfriend and i were together for 3 years. the moment we met, before we even said a single word to each other, we had fallen madly in love. he was 23, and i was 27. biiiig difference looking back on it now.. he’s now 26, and i’m 30. biiiiig difference as well.. our relationship was beautiful for the first year, then we moved to a different state together and we lost our individual independence. we became so reliant on each other that we sucked each others happiness out. he was a man who told me he already made the commitment of marriage to me. he was a man whose triplets i miscarried our second year in our relationship. he’s the man who has been talking about marriage and babies and buying a house lately. 1 week ago today, he told me he couldn’t be with me anymore and he wasn’t happy. that he has changed so much, and he needed to find himself. we live together, and the lease is up july 1st. the fact that we have to empty that house out together of all of our belongings kills me. i’m meeting him today for the first time since our separation. we are going to the bank to separate our account. how am i supposed to be strong in front of him today, when the last two days i’ve been experiencing the horror of a miscarriage. i didn’t even know i was pregnant. i have a doctors appointment on monday, and if we had not broken up, i would still be eating i wouldn’t be drinking i wouldn’t be smoking and i would be sleeping. i miscarry this baby because of my behavior. do i even tell him? may 28, 2015, 10:03 am kate i remember lying in my room when i was in high school and writing in a journal to my future husband. i’d write all sorts of notes and questions and things i’d wonder or ask this man when i eventually met him. i would wonder where he was and what he was doing and if he was thinking about me too. it has always been such a strong desire in my heart to find a wonderful man to marry, someone who would love me and cherish me and appreciate me for the person i am. i always thought i would get married right out of college, just like my parents, so when that plan didn’t work out, i started to get discouraged. a school mate snatched my future husband away from my arms just because she had spiritual powers, all hope was lost to me before i came across the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com) who i confided in, i told him my long story and he helped me regain back my lover with his prayers which is now my husband today. if you have any problem email the help doctor (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). may 27, 2015, 11:42 pm nancy my boyfriend of 2 years also said he needed a break after things got serious. seems like a weird pattern here in the messages. anyway, we’re about a week in and i haven’t contacted him at all and do think he’s trying to work stuff out and all that … but i can’t imagine what our relationship could be after he does. i mean, if we couldn’t work it out together then isn’t that the whole problem? and how can i ever trust that he won’t abruptly pick up and leave again? i don’t know – i know many many couples that have broken up and gotten back together, even married, but i just wonder how the person who on the receiving end of a break ever feels the same? may 17, 2015, 12:15 am shannon omg, these are my exact thoughts! if i am feeling like this, will i ever completely trust that he wont up and leave again when another rough time comes along. june 2, 2015, 7:07 pm kate i am going through the same thing. my boyfriend of 6 years initiated a break out of the blue this week. he just said he needed “space” and to work on himself. should i be concerned? he says once he has a clear head we can talk about if this is what we really want. plus, could i trust him? what if we get back together and he does the same thing in another 6 years. i am not sure what exactly to think. this has been the haters week ever. june 18, 2015, 7:25 pm canttell me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months now, we been knowing each other since last year and iv really fallen for this guy hard. he was everything my exs wasnt. i was so happily in love all my friends were so happy and i felt like the happiest girl alive, until my assumption got the best of me and i thought he was cheating when he wasnt. so he felt as if i didnt trust him which i do but he doesn’t see that so asked for a break but i dont want one, life without him im a wreck i cant stand the fact that he wants one. it kills me and its eating me alive because i feel like he doesn’t want me or he will break up with me.. please help me what i should do may 5, 2015, 9:04 pm bp hi sabrina, my boyfriend took a break (not yet break up)with me for a view days ago. we had almost 4 years relationship but we had in the last 1 year either a small or big fight, although it was only a small problems it became so big. he told me that he needs time to think about his feeling, if he loves me or he is only dependency with me. i am now on the phase 30 days no contact with him. but after these 30 days, how i can begin the conversation with him? because if these 30 days is over and he doesn’t give me the final answer, what should i do? and how i know that he still loves me? thank you very much.. may 5, 2015, 2:59 am lauren so im in the middle of dealing with the “i need space” thing. i dated this guys for a yr and we broke up after i said some very hurtful and untrue things during a time i had a lot going on. we ended up still seeing each other and i was open to trying to fix it and he said hed try but couldnt b for sure if hed take me back (even though we spent most of the time together and it felt like things were getting better)…. weve been doing this dance for almost 10 months and the day after my birthday he says he needs time to work on himself and focus on his new job new apartment this weekens hes moving to and a new group of friends because hes used to being a loner when there is change. as well as seeing if the space will make him miss me. its been 2 weeks since we last talked and im really struggling with this. mostly because i feel confused on how he feels for me when hell say things like im the type of person hed marry but he also struggles wanting to b together after how i hurt him or things like im his support system and go to person to talk to. or if i dont want anything with u then i dont want it with someone else n later says i eventually wanna experience being with other girls. im so stressed because i put all my cards on the table about how i feel for him and wat he means to me but it felt like he seen it as me trying to juat say nice things about him rather than y ive fallen in love with him.i dont know what to do because i dont wanna b hurt. he says maybe ill find someone with qualities i like better but i dont like the idea of letting go of someone i know i want to b with forever. i want to wait for him even though i know i could still end up being let down but i just dont know how to b okay with not knowing what he wants. im really struggling here because he was my support to, the one who always knew wat i was feeling and now i dont have that which makes me scared because im starting my doctorate in a cpl months and without him idk if i can back myself when things get tough. april 27, 2015, 8:17 am lauren also its hard to keep faith while trying to wait when he tells u not to wait, that he doesnt know if hell want to b with me and that he doesnt know how much time it will take. please someone give me aome advice. every other day ia a different feeling from accepting it to being ok with the situation, to crying and feeling like i screwed this up because of wat i said a yr ago april 27, 2015, 8:26 am michelle put yourself in his shoes. if a guy said some hurtful and untrue things to you and then tried to make up for them how would you feel? would you be willing to just jump right back in like nothing ever happened? you probably were someone he could have married but now after what you said has a hard time trusting you. april 27, 2015, 4:45 pm lauren yea i mean i understand why he has reservations especially cuz he had a relationship with a girl who cheated on me before he was with me. and i know what i did hurt him deeply because it was so unexpected and out of the blue. im just ao faithfully in this relationship that i dont wanna lose it and i dont know what to do april 27, 2015, 8:43 pm sam hi lauren….this is sooooo weird!! i feel like you just told my story! i see u posted this in may, how are things now? my story is exactly like yours and i’m devastated..i’m beating myself up…and the pain is just unbearable! i don’t understand how this pain will pass one day!!? i feel like i’ll never be the same without him…and the thought of getting over him makes me even more devastated because i can’t picture my future without him in it!!!! it’s hurts so bad that it affects my physical body…my stomach hurts, my chest aches and i’m not trying to be dramatic but i googled if someone could die from a broken heart because everyday that passed, i felt like i was dying! his exact words were “i just need time for myself, i’m not asking you to wait for me and i’m still hopeful that we’ll work things out but i just need time..” i threw all of my pride right out of the window as i begged and pleaded for him to change his mind, and let us work through it together..but he didn’t budge…. i feel like someone died, i feel like i’ve lost my best friend forever and i blame myself.. if i shall ever get over this feeling of loss and pain, i vow to never love any one this hard ever again! because i may go over the edge next time! june 28, 2015, 3:53 pm catt michelle you are so right on. i said some hurtful things to my bf too because he was back and forth with our relationship. he wanted to get married but 3 words have taken a huge toll on him. i told him i hated him during his space time. i wont lie, he wanted me to hang out on the side lines while he decided what he wanted. i said no, i am not waiting nor am i coming back to you. now he is worried about what i do every day but i am having no contact. i feel so much better, a huge weight has been lifted. i no longer focus on how he’s feeling, i focus on myself. i did apologize whole heartedly for the things i said but you can only say your sorry so many times. i believe true love prevails so don’t worry if he says he needs a break, if he really loves you, he will return. if he doesnt, you are better off with someone else. august 19, 2015, 5:12 pm shana omg! can somebody please send a miracle my way. lauren and sam, i can totally relate. i mean, i just spent the night last monday at my bf’s house. he flew out the next morning to ca for work. well, barely heard from him tuesday and i knew he must’ve been busy. didn’t hear from him all day wednesday and thursday. tried to reach out to him friday because i knew he was supposed to be back that afternoon. he wasn’t answering and he wasn’t responding to my text messages. i tried to call and was getting the voicemail every single time after two rings. so i googled it and tried to see if i was blocked. sure enough, it was. i called from my home phone and was able to get more rings. he called the number back in the morning becuase i guess he didn’t recognize it. well, i knew he had plans and what not to go off roading with his son. well, saturday i had somewhere to be and i finally got a text message from him after lord knows how long. he said he’s driving and just wants to be left alone with his son. i was taken aback because this was coming from the same man who wanted me to move in with my son and make it a home together. i still don’t know why he was in a bad mood. throughout the day, i was checking up on them, but he still wasn’t responding. the next day, i messaged him again making sure they were alright on the road. he said he would message me and he did here and there, but very short. so i tried calling that night and again the two rings and voicemail happened. so i called from my house phone and left a voicemail. he messaged me saying i wasn’t blocked and why can’t i just give him space. so i responded saying i understand wanting space. but i’m here for him. the next day, i messaged him asking if i can ask him a questions. at this point, i’m a mess. i don’t eat, barely sleep, i’m losing weight, etc. it’s taking a toll on my body completely. well, i aksed him “are we together?” he responded saying yes, but he’s working through things right now and he just needs a break. what does that mean?!? i told him i don’t know what’s going on, but i hope it all goes smoothly. all he has to do is ask if he needs anything. that’s what i’m here for. and he thanked me. later on, i messaged him asking if he’s still alive, no reponse. then again saying “hang in there. good night.” no response. tried calling, two rings and voicemail. help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m losing my mind. i’m not crazy, but he’s closing me out and won’t open up to me. august 4, 2015, 8:22 am jordana my boyfriend of 2 and a half years just told me he wanted space and just be friends for awhile bc he’s tired of investing so much time into me and he wants to work on himself and his career. how long does a break usually last? it’s been a month already and he is still cold and aloof. april 24, 2015, 11:15 am chris omg… exact same thing here. he texted me twice… and i answer him, but there is no way i’m startinf a conversation with him. i suggest you try to do stuff, hang out with friends and try not to be so dependant on him… because for all we know, these guys can either come back or go away june 18, 2015, 2:02 am fed up my bf and i have been together for 2years and we have been through a lot of bs most of our problems come from arguments and him running back to his ex’s and i feel really disrespected whenever he is mad he leaves he won’t come home and i won’t hear from him unless i call or text him it’s like i can see him or talk to him on his own time not when i want too this is getting really old and i feel like i have to beg pled and chase him down just to say hi. that’s not fair i feel devastated i even went to jail behind his ex april 23, 2015, 10:14 pm ali this article was excellent, but it makes it harder when there’s kids involved! i was trying to go cold turkey and only have communication when the kids are around, but it didn’t work ???? so any suggestions when there’s kids involved? april 21, 2015, 11:28 pm jordan i have no idea how that’s gonna work with kids, it seems impossible. i am going through this now, the person needs a break but wants to sleep in another room. how can that possibly work? should i just go with the flow….should i just end it!!!!!! august 18, 2015, 3:41 pm winona this really helped a lot,i am going through a “break” right now he suggested we can still text but i decided it’s better not it’s only been around 3 days but this is the first time so it feels really long . i think it depends on the reason from which the “break” started if the guy is willing to be with that girl and adjust and fix those problems a breakup won’t be in the picture but if he is afraid of being serious and emotional or other major issues like he thinks he will hurt her they might end up breaking up . so basically it depends on the people and their problems that caused this break but a break can also be refreshing and can remind you of the many things you missed out on april 20, 2015, 9:56 am meghan i have been dating an incredible girl for a while. we had both fallen head over heels and had never been happier. we had even talk about our future together and talked about marriage. things were great! better than ever. she’s a college coach and her season began mid-february and she began to get super overwhelmed with balancing a relationship and work. she texted me one morning and told me that “we need to take a break” until her season is over, but she reassured me that it had nothing to do with how she felt about me, as she still “loves me with all her heart.” her season ends at the end of this month, but i’m petrified she won’t reach back out to me or that she’s moved on or that she’s happier without me. we haven’t talked in two months (definition of going cold turkey) and i’m scared and i’m hurt. i’ve given her all the space, i only reached out to her to wish her a happy birthday, but that’s it. i hurt and i just hope and pray she’ll come back to me.. april 6, 2015, 2:05 pm girlygirl i have a problem right now, me and my bf have been dating for a year and 3 months yesterday we talked and said he wants a break to sort things out, 2 student loans he has to pay, and he is on the edge of loosing his house too, anyways on friday we talked for 3 hours on the phone and then he came over my house ( one hour ride ) he said he loves me and cares about me and no one else has his attention but he needs to figure out some stuff before coming back to me, he told me that he feels confident about our love and that we will be together again, it has been only a day but i miss him so much and the funny part is that most of the issues i had to fix are fixed other than that is just school which will be over in 3 weeks and i only have one final, i feel in the limbo i love him and i dont know how to take it, i was thinking on giving him 3 days and then contact him to see if we can see each other but again i do not wanna pressure him into anything, please help! how long is the break supposed to be? also we agreed that we were not going to see other people at all because we knew we were gonna be together again is just a matter of space and time. april 5, 2015, 4:02 pm mick this might be weird, but i need help. i’m in a relationship with this guy. he was my ex from 3-4 years ago, and we hooked up on new yrs this year, then “made it official” in feb. i knew i didnt want or need to be in a relationship, but i talked to my friend about it. she said yolo. so i said yolo. so now we’re together, & man i really don’t wanna be in this relationship. or at least, i think i don’t. see, the problem with me is, i can’t tell whether im pushing someone away, or whether i genuinely don’t want to be with soneone. he’s so beautiful, loving, caring, everything i’ve wanted, but i’m so losing feelings for him. we don’t have sex anymore, i’ve become more & more uncomfortable around him, and i find myself happier when i’m away from him. he’s not the problem, though. it really is me. i’ve been through a traumatic series of events shortly before and during our relationship, and im pretty sure i was just using him. i want to be with this guy, but i feel like i’m being caged. i don’t wanna lose him, but it’d be selfish of me to not break up with him, right? or at least a break, to see if this is what i really want? i love him, & don’t wanna hurt his feelings, cuz he’s going through atough time right now too. it’d be selfish of me to leave him at a time like this too. jag är så förvirrad. march 28, 2015, 1:27 pm tyree vinson for me its the opposite lol. i told my bf i need a break cuz i’m tits deep in college work and job. we both love each other but i’m so much happier and less stressed, i let him have a fck buddy too. if i had a fck buddy it’d prob be a girl lol ;) march 15, 2015, 9:22 pm isabelle my ex boyfriend broke up with me in september 2014..i warn you it’s a long story for you to understand what happened.. in august sadly i came to the decision to have an abortion as i want ready. he left me with no excuse accept he needs time to himself and now he just needs to make himself happy because he isn’t with himself.. weeks went by and i was contacting him but getting ignored until he agreed to go to the movies.. that one night to the movies turned into our routines of seeing eachtoher in the weekends.. because in the back of my mind i knew we weren’t together there was tension.. i had lashed out a few times asking whata going on and every time it was the same answer as he cant have the responsibility of a relationship right now.. we have dated for 2 years and i loved him so i was willing to hold onto the little bit that i could.. i agreed we could be friends being on the same page focusing on our selfs as i support him… we spent the christmas holidays together.. he got me a card and wrote ‘another year spent spent with the one love’ we had still had ups and downs.. months went by and nothing had changed… i got frustrated with anger and said things that were hurtful.. i felt like after my abortion my life had crashed… i felt like this is why he left me … it’s a horrible feeling to live with… well.. it’s now march 2015… i asked again if we were on the same page as i see him go clubbing with his sister and her friend of course he didn’t tell me.. it just hurt because i had a bond with his sis and i didn’t get invited so i wanted to clear the air.. i told him i wouldn’t be supportive to a liar.. well he message back and said he couldn’t do this anymore and how it was over a long time ago.. plain cold… i was apologizing.. and he was saying no im done here… it was so heartbreaking because just a week ago i had asked if he was keeping me around because he stil had feelings and his response was ‘do i have feelings, yes!’ and now this.. right after he sent the message saying he didn’t want it, he comments in a girls instagram pic she said ‘about to flood your newsfeed with pics of me’ and he goes ‘bring it in missy;)’ like 3 hour after everything.. i don’t understand.. is he talking to her.. he never comments on pics.. and when he does it’s never like that… she post another recently and he comments again ‘beautiful’ im torn….. i have a feeling.. i could be wrong but i can’t see him commenting like that to a random…. they have eachtoher as well on fb…..well a day went by with no contact (which i’m horrible with) scared he will only lose more feelings for me and i disappointed myself and messages him.. asking if he hated me.. he said he didn’t and goodnight.. very rude.. i told him i can’t lose my best friend.. went on about how he brings happiness in my life and his response was ‘we can be friends maybe one day but right now we need time apart anyways im going to bed have a goodnight.’ and i asked straight is there somebody else? and he goes ‘omg no goodnight’ i was hurt he was so cold..he never use to be like this… so i left it at that.. i need help because i lost who i am… i can’t thjnk straight.. i miss him.. i feel like i lost him forget and the damage is done… i desperately ask for help ….. march 13, 2015, 3:16 am teriam i think u r pressuring him by asking him alot u r a cute person but u have to give him the space he needs to figure things out,, just let him decide, be independent and act like u dont care so he will chace you don’t ask him about every step he takes as he will ignore you by time and feel like he cant act normally give him space, let him think and have his freedom for a while and he will come back to you i know that u love him and it is obvious but u got to stay strobg and hold yourself :) march 13, 2015, 1:52 pm michelle so i have to ask you said you came to the decision to have an abortion. was it his baby? did you dicuss it with him or did you just tell him that was what you were going to do? also when he went clubing with his sister and her friend but didn’t tell you. were the two of you together? he would have no reason to tell you if you were no together. what do you mean you wouldn’t support a liar what did he lie about? was there an agreement if he went somewhere he would tell you? if not then he didn’t lie to you. i am sure he does have feelings for you but not the ones needed for a relationship. i had a guy i was with everything was going good but i was to needy and then one day he was like i am not looking for a relationship right now i just got out of a 3 year realationship but i kept trying to make it work somehow, even though he did say i am someone he would live the rest of his life with and had feelings for me. it came to a point that what he was doing to be was stringing me along for sex and that was pretty much it but i am better than that and now we are just friends with no benefits. p.s. i know what it is like to live through an abortion. april 27, 2015, 4:59 pm cindy i had been with my boyfriend for slightly more than 3yrs and a week ago he moved some of his stuff out of my apt. he says he needs time apart to figure things out. the most confusing part about all of this is that he repeatedly told me that night that he is happy when we’re together, that he loves me and loves our relationship and that he wouldn’t change anything about the relationship. but for some reason he can’t see a future together and he can’t figure out why that is. what does that mean? how does someone figure something like that out? he still texts me and calls and we have seen each other since the split but what are the chances he doesn’t come back? i’m still having trouble processing everything, how does someone love and love the relationship but can’t picture marriage? february 25, 2015, 1:49 pm tatania maybe he get used to your love and tge relationship between both of you,, but if someonein love he should picture marriage,, this is abnormal, give him space and don’t ask him about anyth this period and after that everyth will be obvious whether he wants to stay or move,, he already moved some stuff maybe he needs it or he already planned to move from you time will make everyth obvious good luck :) march 13, 2015, 1:58 pm southerngal this is helpful. he asked me a few nights ago if we were going to make it. he felt like things were getting too serious. i reassured him it wasn’t too serious, that we weren’t engaged or moving in and tried to understand why he thought that. it made no sense to me. he said he felt better, we said we loved each other and hung up. i couldn’t sleep. i started to process this as he was trying (sweetly) to tell me we were not going to make it. as the article says, i felt rejected and cancelled our next date. we’ve talked since and i felt a little better but i agreed to give him space. i’m trying to reconcile that we are probably broken up and think that this is his loss. most other men i’ve dated want me back afterward. god wants us to love others and treat them well especially those who don’t deserve it. i’m loving and kind even when i just want to hide, scream and cry. maybe this is like the confidence the article mentions. he says he thinks he is depressed. i have been there so i’m inclined to stick it out while he works through this. at the same time, i’m wondering if i should invite this on myself. i had hidden my profile on match.com but i’ve made it visible. i’ll wait to buy a subscription. i just wanted to do something to prepare to move on. i’ve journaled and cried and now we’ll see what happens. it’s my decision too and it’ll be his loss. february 25, 2015, 1:14 pm heather well i need some help on my situation… i been at my job going on 3 years. this guy who works with me also been here the same amount of time. bout 2 years ago we were at the same party. he tried doing something with me but he was too drunk and i didn’t really know him so i walked off. so some time goes by and my best friend is also friends with him but she kept saying that he really like me because of the stuff he was saying about me when they would hang out together. so at this point i really wasn’t paying attention but about two months ago me and him had to work on a work related project together and we were kind of spending some time together not one on one just in a group setting. from that time i realized he was actually a good guy and i was talking to my friend about him and i found out he was really shy and over the years i noticed that too about him. she also said he was a good guy but i would have never given him a chance. about 1 month ago i texted him. just casually ask him out with me and a group of friends but he was going home that day or something like that and he couldn’t come out. so i offered me and him to just go on a dinner date and he was really excited about it i could tell. so we go on to date have a good time in our third date i invited him out to one of my friends birthday party. he’s drinking, gets tipsy and i could tell he can’t drive so i offered him to crash at my place so he has can sleep. he gets in the bed and i get in next to him we don’t do nothing for a little bit and then he put his arm over me and i just leaned in and kissed him we honestly didn’t have sex at all. just a lot of making out. the next morning we wake up. just fine and make out some more. i try to take it further… me thinking that’s what he probably wanted. but he stops me immediately. but we ended up having dry sex. i completely wanted to have full sex but he didn’t want to. from the start with him he always said he wasn’t looking for sex or want an all physical relationship. so we finish up and he ends up staying the whole day with me. i try flirting with him on small things but he just doesn’t respond or get it. when he leaves he tells me he was gonna come back because he had to pick up a change of clothes. hours go by i ask him if he’s ok and he tells me thing long story. he was confused from what he wants in life. he didn’t know if he wanted to move back home or stay with our job. he also said our realtionship was moving too fast for him and wanted to slow it down… but here is where i think i went wrong. i asked him if we slowed things down can we start over. he flat out told me “i don’t know” i don’t understand. does he really not know and just trying to situate his self out, or is his nice way of saying no. it confuses me because multiple friends would tell me he likes me. also his ex posted on his timeline (something from the news back where he is from). and she hasnt posted anything since they broke up 3 years ago. so could that be the reason he would wanna go back home?and when he’s drunk his courage to talk to me shows up. i also feel like i wasted my time with him. i never would have gave him a chance but i decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. he really is a good person. so latley i was thinking i should text him and check in on him? just to make sure he is doing good i guess. and slowly try to make our realtionship go again? or just let everything go and let it be a learning lesson? february 24, 2015, 2:07 pm confused my boyfriend of more than 2 years asked for a break recently. i was totally out the blue. one minute he told me i love you and within the next few hours he asked for a break because he was “unhappy”. i’m so confused because anytime he is stressed out with school or family, he yells at me and takes it out on me. he always blames me and runs away ( to his car and takes off) and then a few days later i hear from him and he says he is sorry. i don’t know what to think or do…. february 19, 2015, 10:26 am latoya i don’t want to be strung along, but he calls and texts me how long you i ignored him? february 5, 2015, 9:36 pm stella have been with my guy for almost three years, and we had this massive argument and we both agreed to go on a break, he wanted to clear his head , so i agreed and within no time we were talking again, until i did something that really got to him, (its wasn’t cheating or anything) it seemed as if he was jealous or something, and he was saying he wanted to leave me because of it? i was hesitant because i really love him so i offered for him to have another break to think things over because obviously he was stressed and angry at me. i have no idea what to do? i still have his facebook passwords and stuff and it seems as if its just a normal break like last time, i dont want him to leave me.. january 22, 2015, 8:48 pm kestes what a sexist article, how about touching on the subject of women being the ones drciding to take a break. pathetic january 8, 2015, 11:14 am courtney yeah, exactly. i’m going through the same thing in this article, but in reverse. i want a break and he doesn’t. february 10, 2015, 9:20 pm larissa i need help asap, this is driving me insane. i’m 16 and a few months ago i started dating this amazing guy! i have known him for 5 years, but just now noticed how great he was. things went incredibly well, he was a sweetheart. but one day we had sort of a discussion over his ex, he told me it was noting and even drove to my house to talk things over. the next day he was super cold and so it kept on for the rest of the week, so i decided to talk things over. he told me he needed some time because he wasn’t doing great in school, plus he was worried because he didn’t know what to do with his life, i told him that i agreed. time passed and he didn’t contact me at all over the phone, still he was playful with me at school. he asked me to help him study and i agreed. when we met to study he started acting like a total douche and i blew him off. he calmed down, we ended the study session, left me home… at that point i was sure i didn’t want him in my life anymore. but then he sent me a text message explaining that he acted that way because he really liked me and didn’t want to fall even more in love with me because he needed to focus on school. i told him that i understood his reasons, but that i couldn’t help and be with a person who treated me that way. the next day he started acting normal again, he began being playful, along the week he apologized and promised not to be a douche again so i agreed on helping him study. everything was amazing again, we started talking like before, he hugged me a lot, he held my hand, with time he even kissed me, he planned on asking me to be his girlfriend… until last week i got mad with him because i had planned with his best friend to go to his house to study, but his best friend forgot and left me at school. i got mad at him because i thought he knew and he had forgotten too, but it turned out that he didn’t. he thought that i was going to show up at his best friend’s house. i was real mad and went to a friend’s house to study, even if the best friend told me to grab a taxi to his house and that he’ll pay it. i refused and told them that if they wanted they could show up at my friend’s house but that i wasn’t going to take any taxi. after a few hours he and his best friend arrived, they both apologized. i told them that it was okay and kept on studying with my other friends. after an hour, he stopped studying, isolated himself and listened to music. i told him to come over and keep on studying, but he asked me to approach to him, i told him that i wouldn’t and kept on helping others. after that, he became real weird and angry, i asked him what was going on and he told me that he was just tired, so i kept on helping others. everyone went home and i texted him if everything was all right, he told me that he wasn’t feeling well. i tried to support him but he pulled me off every time i tried to ask him what was wrong, until i got tired and told him that if he didn’t want me he could tell me so and i would leave him alone. to which he responded that that wasn’t the matter, so i asked what was on his mind and he told me that he didn’t know, that he had to think about it. i responded that there wasn’t anything to think about anymore, he replied that yes there was. i replied that if you wanted to be with someone you didn’t have to think about it, that that was the answer to his problem and that he didn’t have to think about it anymore. i also told him that i hoped as a friend he could open up to me and i wished i could help him. he replied that he thought that yes there were things to think about, but it depended on the perspective you looked things at and that he couldn’t open up to anyone. at this point i was pissed off and replied: okay, i hope that you can talk about your issues with someone you trust. there is nothing else to think about, it’s been two months. seriously i don’t want things to end, but i can’t cope with this anymore. we haven’t stared a serious relationship yet and it is the second time that you act strange and don’t know what you want. he never replied, this was two days ago, we haven’t talked ever since. vad tror du? will he call? i don’t know if i want him back or not… december 12, 2014, 12:30 pm ale avila hi, i’m having problems with my relationship. my bf says he wants a break because a relationship was stressing him out and all and also he wants us to focus on school and graduate.he wants him to focus on him and me focus on me. so i accepted the break because this will help us. but he’s been talking to me as if we were together and calling me babe and wants to hang out. i told him “aren’t we on break?” and his mood changes and tells me “oh so your okay with us not being together?”im like “no im not,” and he says “yes you are,.you were just gonna use it as a reason why we shouldn’t hangout .” i only said that cause he wanted a break and he did told me.to.forget about him but i didn’t though. i wanted to.remind him that he has to focus on.himself.i.was trying to help him. but now we just broke up for good december 7, 2014, 4:23 pm sharon hi… i wanted to let you know about my situation and see if you think there is any hope of him coming back. we met 6 months ago. we stayed together for 6 months..all of the sudden he wanted space. i knew he had met some other girl.. he is 45 and she is 35. he has been through 2 marriages and 4 kids.. i believe she has one child (not sure) .. when he asked for space.. of course i didn’t handle it well like a classy lady. i let me emotions and anger take over me and i screw everything up. i asked him how much space he needed and how long..he didn’t … i pushed for a time limit..he said 30 days…i did the no contact rule for 30 days…hardest thing..grieved… cried..lost weight… after 30 days.. he didn’t contact me… based on his posts on ig.. it appears that he is totally in love with her… after the 30 day was up…i dropped off everything he had given in that 6 months (gifts/birthday gifts) and all… i requested for the key to my house back and returned… he went to bahamas with this new girl… i believe he is a serial jumper…because, prior to my relationship with him… he was going out with another girl for two years… she cheated on him and he went out with me after few days ( i guess)…………. i am in love with him..while we were together- he treated me nice until the last two months of our relationship. in my heart i know we will never repair what is broken… he has moved on and is in love with her( judging based on his ig posts) god knows what he posts on fb.. he has blocked me from his fb…he claims he has blocked me from his phone, email and all… i am completely blocked from his life. oh- he did introduce me to his ex/and his kids… so, i am not sure what went wrong… can you give me your honest opinion.. everyone tells me that this girl won’t last in his life… i think she is using him. any chance i could get him back after all this mess. november 25, 2014, 6:28 pm michelle why would you want him after all of that? he would probably do the same thing agian if you let him back. you allowed it once you will allow it again. you are better than that and need someone who will treat you with respect. april 27, 2015, 5:04 pm gia if he can go 30 days without you, say to yourself, “he can go a little longer”, because men like that don’t deserve you. i’m not trying to sound mean but it’s the truth. find yourself a younger guy with no kids, things might turn out differently. june 20, 2015, 7:15 am el hi all, i was with a guy for about 6 month. everything was great at the beginning. he was soooo into me, he called several times, and we had a really good relationship, till one night that we had sex. i was virgin but that night i lost my virginity. in our culture, usually girls should be virgin till their marriage, but we live in canada! after that, i had a very bad time, i felt soooo bad!and he said our relationship is complicated! i didn’t even understand what did he mean! we were together for 2 month after that night, but he suddenly started to get space, he became cold! once i saw a picture of a girl in his computer but i didn’t tell him anything. it was weird because some facebook photos of a girl was saved in a folder with her name! one night, i asked him to explain who that girl is and i saw he is contacting his ex in viber, they were texting in viber! after one week, he stopped calling me and i called him and asked what’s going on and why he is changing! then he said i need space. i hang up and that night he called me again but i didn’t want to talk to him! i texted him the day after and told him:i respect your need for space and i like you, so i think it’s better not to contact for a while. then he responded: thanks for understanding me! i’m under pressure and i need some time to relax and think what i want. i hope everything will be fine at the end! after 2 weeks something came up that was related to our relationship, i contacted him and asked him to call me. he called me after one day and we talked about that issue. and we met after 2-3 days. he said he is thinking and it’s not a breakup, but people break up sometimes! and i said we cannot be in space forever, so let’s pick a deadline. he said he is ok with whenever i say. i said we were in space for more than 2 weeks, 2 more weeks would be enough! and last wednesday, 2 weeks passed and i didn’t hear anything from him. also, last weekend was his birthday but i didn’t send him a text or anything else. i don’t know what should i do now? do i have to call him and ask him to talk? i like him so much and i want this relationship to work, but i don’t know what should i do. but i don’t know if he is contacting his ex or seeing the others! please help me what to do now….. thanks november 25, 2014, 1:33 am rose my husband just told me he wants to have break after 1.5 years in marriage. he said maybe he will go out to have fun with girls or maybe he can flirt with someone (right now we live separately in different country). does it mean he is going to break up? vad ska jag göra? please give me advices november 24, 2014, 8:15 am gia do the same thing. june 20, 2015, 7:16 am lisa i need advice asap. me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. to keep short i’ve been loyal and inlove. in the beginning of our relationship he was stressing the fact that he is getting older and not financially where he want to be. now that he is turning a year older close to 30 he is really trying to find a career that fits him a permanent job. he is very focus on that and gets stressed and upset because he is having a hard time finding himself. he came to my house and told me that he wants a break and that he still want to come around talk to me and that during the break he isn’t going to date he and wants to be with me he is just going to focus on finding a career he says he wants to be the provider and doing this for us so if we move in together and he is financially good we both will be happy. i’m just upset and can’t stop crying because i love him i’m in college and its hard to focus on that right now if need advice. thanks november 2, 2014, 4:21 am anna i’m going through a similar situation to yours right now. our two year anniversary just passed (while on our break) holidays are coming up and i’m unsure of where his head will be at come the time we see one another again. he’s in law school right now and is in over his head with work and testing coming in december. he needed the space for school and is in panic mode. he decided to pull the plug on our relationship so he can focus. in our last conversation, he told me he loves me, doesn’t want to be with anyone else and has no desire to be with anyone else and that this is all relating back to the pressures on him. so far been a month of hell with knowing that i won’t see him through the holidays and unsure of what to expect. i’m very much in love with him so i struggle on a daily basis with this. november 25, 2014, 3:29 pm lili give him time that he needs and it will show whether he wants you or not if he does than u can be happy, and if not he didn’t deserve you from the begging and u can take him as a lesson for now you only need to be patient and see what happens, just don’t cry because he comes to you and this shows that he cares so no need and begin studying to get good grades,, good luck :) :) march 13, 2015, 2:58 pm patti hello, i’m glad this topic came up. my guy (seeing exclusively for 2 months) told me a few weeks ago that he needed the ‘break’ via text. i reacted poorly initially but after an in person conversation understood that he simply was asking for time away to work on himself. i decided that the best way for me to move forward was to work on some things myself which also included some recent tlc from a fwb! i don’t feel badly, i needed to feel connected (my fwb is a true friend, no strings) and reassured that i was and am a good and desirable woman. since that time, i’ve spent time with friends and kept busy and am not contacting him. he has reached out to me a few times to ask how i am and i’ve responded in kind. i do not initiate communication with him even though a part of me really wants to. i figure at this point if it’s meant to be, it will happen. october 20, 2014, 10:27 am vickie hi gail, i have been reading a lot of relationship articles lately and found your post. your situation is exactly like mine. i decided we would go on one month with no contact break. i was sad for the firs week but i am ok now. we have not been dating that long either. i am fine with either way, get back or break up after a month is ok for me. i am super busy and have a lot on my plate right now. i don’t want to cut it off because what if he is trying to compromise for our relationship. but i also don’t know if i keep hanging on there but then find out he wants the break up after a month. we are happy when we together but there are lot of other life aspects. i still don’t know what i want; don’t know what is in his mind. we have three weeks left til our time to contact again. october 8, 2014, 12:41 am sharon i met this guy about 5 1/2 months ago. we hit it off, had a strong connection and were happy. when i met him, he had just broken up with his ex gf of two years (on and off relationship). he was emotional and i told him i would stick with him until he gets healed. hoping that once he finds peace he would give us a try. when we were together we had fun. however, when we departed we would have disagreements! we had few days of no contact and i always threw the white flag because i cared about him alot. he introduced me to his ex wife and his kids. since, he was a fed employee and it was during the close out time(budget related) he was stressed. i understood that he was stressed and left him be. i figured once its over we would pick back up. well, during that 3 weeks- he became more distant towards me. i found out that he met someone else. he asked for a break and of course i hate the word “break or space” and see that is a negative situation. so, i tried hard to make things better. so, i pushed and begged but it didn’t help me. he claims that he enjoys me, likes me but he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship. now, he is dating another girl… he asked for space and i needed to know for how long. i pushed and he said for a month… its been so hard on me…i don’t know if he is coming back. i feel as long as this girl in his life… he won’t be back… i keep writing letters to him … i haven’t send it yet… what do i do! i don’t want to lose him… but, i know i am losing him to her. help, suggestions… october 17, 2014, 12:06 am ian hi, i’m a guy and have experienced this first hand and have also seen female friends in the same situation. in my opinion, he hadn’t healed from last relationship before getting with you. he must have been going through a tough time, but unfortunately chose to deal witi these negative emotions by getting involved with you. i always ask girls and tell my female friends to ask guys: when was last relationship over and how long together? this information is vital. what you need to do now is zoom out of your situation and see yourself from the outside, like you’re watching a movie, play the movie from the start, look what’s happened to this girl, pity her, love her, protect her. i did this after same happened to me and it helped heal and love myself more again. take care and love yourself. october 28, 2014, 1:15 pm kelly my partner of 4 years just recently told me he wants to take a break. i came traveling and met him after 3months and we have been together since. he comes from a small town and me from a city and have always had the traveling bug. we have done a small amount of traveling together before we had to stop for a couple of years to save. we settled in a small town where his family are. we moved to a city 6 months ago to be closer to our friends and have more options and variety. i thought we were happier then ever. now he’s just said that in 8months time he wants to go and do more traveling, this time on his own to go find himself and be out of his comfort zone. he wants to do it for approx 6months and doesn’t want to make any foreseeable plans with me. it’s really come out of the blue and i’m struggling to know how to handle this. do i take this as a sign of a break up? do i just wait around and try carry in as normal for 8months until he leaves? do i just leave now instead as how can i pretend everything’s still the same when i know he wants space? i’m so confused as he says he loves me and knows our relationship is strong. i would appreciate any opinions… october 6, 2014, 1:17 am gail i don’t know. break seems to be the adult term for when you give a time-out for a child. i am torn. i was not totally happy with the relationship but i was ok with waiting it out for what it was, was ok for all i had time for but for what it needed to be for something long term, it was lacking. we are on a break for a month. the first day or two was a little sad but i go back and forth about just going ahead and officially calling it off myself or do i wait and see if he gets his act together and wants to make it right. what if i wait for him to make the call and he chooses to cut it off for good? what if i act on one of the moments i want to cut it off and he was working toward staying together? do i just cut it off before the month is over or do i wait to see if he is going to do it? i am willing to let him try to make it right but i am also fine with it if we let it go. we have not been dating that long and i am really busy right now anyway–which is why the way things were would be fine now as long as he doesn’t mind not progressing the relationship. september 18, 2014, 1:57 am jennifer i am going through the break right now but it started as a misunderstanding when i was somewhere and he was texting then i said “im done”. i meant i was done where i was and going home. he took it like i was done with the relationship. he said he cant do “us” right now and needs a break. i said ok. let it go, move on, life goes on and if he comes back its fine but i told him im not putting my life on hold for him. we were just talking about our future a week ago and how he was going to move in together. he was so happy. i think the seriousness scares him. all because of a misunderstanding. space is what we both need. september 17, 2014, 7:43 am pw i just entered a very similar situation to yours. we didn’t have a misunderstanding. but we were talking about moving in and did a big travel just two months ago. i think that all doesn’t matter to men when they want to retreat and have a break. i told myself i have experienced the worst than this and he is less experienced. of course i am mad but i think the real love needs two people to balance out each other. we don’t want a man who can just easily escape when the circumstances get challenging i.e. work, economy etc. if he does want to come back to a committed relationship, i think men should prove themselves even more. otherwise, how can a man to expect the girl to trust him again? september 17, 2014, 12:27 pm maribel my boyfriend says he wants to get married but he needs a break but he stills calls me and text me everyday and says he loves me. i am so confused august 16, 2014, 10:35 pm odel same here, my bf he needs a break but still text me at least once a day and say he loves me…so confusing…. february 7, 2016, 6:42 am mp my boyfriend of 8 months just suggested a break the other day. we have a wonderful relationship, never ever have gotten into a fight… our relationship is just easy. we’ve talked about the future and both have said that we’re in this relationship for the long haul (we’re both in our 30s). before i met him, my goal for my career was always to get to a bigger city. we’ve had the discussion and he doesn’t want to move (he’s a farm boy, would get eaten alive in a big city!). i love him. i’ve never met anyone like him before, and for the first time in my life, i said love trumps a big fancy job. i told him i’d stay… that i want to stay. and that it’s not just for him, it’d be for me too if we take this relationship to the next level eventually. i love my job here, my friends, our life together…. but he asked for a break. for some reason i just don’t think he believed that i was serious about staying put. i am. very serious. a fancy job isn’t going to love me. so during this break he wants time to think, pray and speak to his family (who have always been rooting for us). i know that i need to just give him the time he needs, but it’s so tough when he’s become one of my best friends… talked every day… saw each other several times a week. it’s just super tough to deal with. i’ve been good about giving him space, but i feel like i can’t concentrate on anything else. june 13, 2014, 4:54 pm ladyj it doesn’t sound like he is abandoning you but asking you to realy think about whats best for you and your future. he doesn’t want you to rush making a decision about your choices and he doesn’t want to feel like he is holding you back. 8 months is not a lot of time when looking at the scope of your life you’ve lived and or life with someone. give yourself time to just think about what you really want. maybe even take a trip to the big city see what it would be like for you. hes inviting you to speak with his family and pray so just give him a little bit a space by focusing on your needs not being so worried about what he is doing. guys don’t need as much contact as we like most of the time. hang in there. june 13, 2014, 6:14 pm cynthia i agree i’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now and he’s staring to withdraw now. he won’t look for me unless i look for him. recently he told me he had too many problems going on and he doesn’t have time to have a girlfriend. also he told me he just wants to do him. but the problem is that he always used to tell me he doesn’t believe on breaks. if we have a break we would never go back together. but now he’s telling me he wants to be friends and maybe that would help the relationship. i’m really confused my friends tell me not to look for him anymore and let him be. he might come back later on. but he gives me too many mix signals. i don’t know what to do. i need help!!!! any advice?!? should i give him time or should try to talk to him. because he never clearly said we were breaking up. may 27, 2014, 10:17 am amanda i know its easier said than done, but really you should just leave him be. it sounds like he is desperate for some space and that’s exactly what you should give him. trying to just be friends right now is only going to hurt you rather than help you because its so hard to “just be friends” with someone that you have serious feelings for. tell him that you still want to remain on good terms but that you also need some time apart, then try as hard as you can not to contact him. absorb yourself in your own life; go out with your friends, spend time with family, pick up extra shifts at work, go on a fun non-serious date with a guy friend, and/or if you have a hobby dive into it. if not start one!do you! try not to discuss and rehash the situation with your friends and family over and over. if he contacts you be polite but don’t drop everything you are doing to talk to him or meet up with him. let him know that you have a life outside of your relationship, and what is more important, actually do the work to create a life outside of your relationship! after a while of this you will begin to feel more empowered and less dependent on your relationship for happiness. just about the time that you start to realize that you are fine without him, he will probably come running back. that’s when you’ll have to make the important decision of trying to rebuild your relationship or moving on for the better. do not beg him to come back to you. if he doesn’t come back to you by his own decision then move on! you will already have started the process of building a happy life without him, you just need to follow through. best of luck to you! may 27, 2014, 7:10 pm pw well said. tack! september 17, 2014, 12:45 pm jessiejames after almost two years, i was given the break suggestion by text today, it hurt, it was very cowardly way to do it. i do believe he is going through some soul searching as to how serious this is or does he want it to become more. my friend believes he is going through a “smothering” moment and he will be calling when he goes through a “lonely” moment. but by that time will i want him back or feel the same for him? i’ve been torn today as i feel no matter which way this goes it will be for the better. i do care for him an will miss him and the friendship but i will not convince anyone to be with me, for that’s not fair for me. i’m glad i know who i am an what i deserve in a relationship. july 27, 2013, 5:47 pm gigi i can completely understand how you feel. my boyfriend asked for a break a couple of days ago after one year together. my response was “we should go our separate ways”. it hurt me deeply because we love each other and we made a good team together but i felt just like you, it was a cowardly way of getting out instead of working things out. we are from different cultures and his expectations from a future wife are high, not to mention he wanted me to be making double the money of what i make now before ever moving in together. i was loyal to him and loved him with all my heart and i don’t know how i’m going to move on from this. i have lost all hope in finding true love. april 2, 2015, 3:37 pm rose17 this article makes sense, but ive read tons of articles like this, and everywhere it sais the same thing about breaks. people have different opinions on this subject, and that is a good thing. not everyone will go through the same things, not everyone have the same relationships.. this is why people cant date just anyone, because then well wed all be the same. anyways.. iam currently on a brake and the hardest part is that we live together. yes, we live together… in separate rooms, and with minimum contact, and it hasnt been that long, and it was awkward at first but now, i just dont let it bother me. it is extremely difficult for me to do, because weve been together for 5 years, and this brake thing ( his idea) came out of nowhere… and it has alot to do with commitment. he thinks he should be able to propose to me by now, and because he cant theres something wrong. maybe…. anyways so i realized i need to give myself space and him of course but mainly me, so i can “move on”… i dont know whats gonna come out of it, im hoping for the best but iam also tired of chasing after someone that doesnt want me. he knows i love with him all my heart and id do anything for him, and maybe thats the problem. haha… so i guess im just going with the flow, as he was for the past 5 years and well see what happens, but i will be sure to follow up on this, maybe i can help some other people out with my experience. this site is amazing, it has lots of articles that are worth the read, but i wish i could just know exactly what to do !!!!!! ugh! :)) but i believe everything happens for a reason, and we live and we learn, i just hope i could have gone through these problems with somone else so that i could have this relationship last. maybe im crazy lol. december 13, 2012, 11:20 am flywheel hi there, thanks for sharing. would you mind following up on your situation with him now? i am going through this and would love to hear any advice. tack. september 17, 2014, 12:53 pm abby hi, don’t know if anyone can help me through my inner turmoil. me and my husband have lots of financial problems and he is the only one working, trying his best to sort the mess out and get back on track. i didn’t even no there was a problem until recently. he had been coming in from work later last year saying he was trying to earn more money. he has been acting distant the last few weeks and now he’s texted to say he needs to take a few days on his own he feels confused with his mind. i’ve wondered if he had met someone else, but he is a labourer and scruffy most of the time! i really need some help, i am very sad and feel at my wits end february 6, 2015, 2:41 pm that_girl this is a great website with good articles but i gotta say, the constant pop-ups to join the “dating decoder” email list are becoming a nuisance, especially if browsing on mobile. please don’t turn off ur fans with cheap gimmicks. it’s fairly easy for anyone to find the sign-up link if anyone wants to get the newsletter. no need to shove it in my face every time i visit any of your pages. december 12, 2012, 12:26 pm miranda this article came just in time for me. my boyfriend just said we needed a break because he needed to figure himself out and what he wanted (he’s been getting very close to this other girl, but he said it was nothing so i trusted him..turns out he definitely did some bad stuff from what he implied to me). i had no idea what to do. i remained poised throughout most of the conversation. he said he wants to still be friends in the meantime, but i don’t think i can handle that. i know he’ll probably break up with me. prior to the break, he didn’t talk to me for 10 days .. including my birthday. we’ve been dating 6 months and have been best friend for over 4 years. december 6, 2012, 10:27 pm amanda breaks are definitely a sign of trouble. i’ve been through a couple, and i don’t want to sound negative, but things are never the same afterwards…or maybe its that things are too much the same. if you don’t put in some serious “you time” to get perspective on the situation, then the same issues that caused the break will still be there. sometimes even when you do make the effort, it can’t be helped. a break is a sure sign that maybe its just not meant to be. i could say that i wish i had learned this a lot sooner to save me some heartbreak…but the truth is, if i hadn’t have been through those rough times then i wouldn’t know what i know now. the sooner you learn that sometimes things just aren’t meant to work, and that you have to go through crappy times to get to happier ones, the better off you will be. december 5, 2012, 9:04 pm marie i whole heartedly agree with your comments. if someone asks for a break i think the best thing to do is remain calm and tell them ok sure no problem and don’t push it. as hard as it is i believe if you remain poised it may come as a shock to the other person but it’s in your best interest to be composed. i also think you should consider it a break up and start the moving on process. give them 100% space and engage in no contact. if they do come back and reach out at any point in the future you have the power to decide whether you’re willing to take the risk again and give it a chance. i actually consider it a positive as in you have the power to either give it a go again or walk away. i try to look at things in a positive light and this shifts the power your way. give them all the space they want. see it as an opportunity for them to miss you and if they don’t then you were never meant to be anyway. it really hurts at first but you just have to press on. i haven’t personally gone through a break. either i was with someone and we broke up or we were together. i will say if someone asked for a break i would absolutely receive that as a breakup and would seriously need something special to happen to let them back into my heart. i wish everyone all the best in their relationships. we all deserve wonderful love :-) december 5, 2012, 10:36 pm yourluckystar i think the two comments before me are the best advice for this situation. the article itself is way off, the last thing i want to read is “confidence is a huge turn on for a guy” when he just asked for a break, why the hell would i try to turn him on? very insensitive. april 29, 2014, 9:08 am jordan i totally agree, a break is so much like a break up. why the need for a break and yes to me it’s a cowardly way of easing out of a relationship. it’s bullsh.t! august 18, 2015, 6:11 pm jerseygrl well said…. below: the article is saying display confidence as in you’re ok without someone! it means i’m adjusting to life without you and that feels sexy! march 6, 2016, 12:00 pm